La Dee Dah

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

2011-12-29T11:27:00.000-08:00

Well, 2011 is officially coming to a close. It's hard to believe, as it feels like the year just started (with me awaiting the birth of my youngest). In less than a week we will celebrate my babe's first birthday, and a few weeks later the fourth birthday of my middle son. Amazing.

As for me, I've been AWOL due to end-of-term followed by a week-long trip to the in-laws followed by some time off with the family for the holidays. I return to work on Monday. *sniff* I wish I could just stay home.

I've been off Whole30 since Christmas and have not been running regularly for a couple of weeks, again due to holidays and trying to get things done while I'm home. I can't WAIT to go back to Whole30 on the January 1st!

I have a couple of resolutions for this year. The first is to do two Whole30's back-to-back for a total of 60 days. I can't think of any way to start the year out better health-wise than to eliminate junk from my diet again. Although I've been staying off of dairy and (for the most part) grains, I've had sweets and forbidden foods off and on over the last few weeks. C'mon, green eggs and ham and french toast for Christmas breakfast/brunch is a tradition! (as are peanut butter balls and ginger-pecan biscotti). In spite of all of the above, I haven't gained an ounce and have continued to eat well between treats. The second is to complete C25K and Ease into 10K. I'm going to go back to week 3 and start from there to get back into the groove next week. Then my third resolution is to run my first half-marathon (the Two Cities half-marathon) in November of 2012. I know I can do it. And I can't wait to cross that finish line and hang my medal on my board of inspiration!

I'm trying to get organized for the coming term (which starts in a week and a half). In the process of this, I decided to steal an idea from a fellow student and post my program of study on here. You'll find it in the left-hand column. I am exactly two years away from being done with school, if I finish on their timeline. That's two years away from boards. Two years is NOT long! I'd actually like to finish a little sooner if possible. I have a minimum of 675 clinical hours to complete. If I gauge it just right and end up having to do just that many or slightly more, I'll need about 4.5 months to finish all clinicals at the rate of 40 hours per week (full time). I don't know yet where I'll be doing clinicals or the work circumstances I'll have going on when I'm doing them, but if I could do more hours I could get done sooner. I don't know. We'll see.

Anyhoo, back to cooking and organizing!

I'm Baaaaaaack!

2011-11-08T19:18:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm in Phoenix, Arizona for the next couple of days. My boss sent me and two coworkers to the 30th Annual Barrow Neuroscience Symposium. Today was the first day, and it promises to be really good! So far the speakers have been engaging and the topics have been excellent. I've also gotten to know the newest member of our team better. She came from Michigan a couple of months ago to fill the Manager position for the unit. She's literally old enough to be my mother, but we have SO much in common! It's been really awesome to find out that she loves so many of the same things that I do, and we actually think a lot alike. She is a very strong personality which I know some people might misconstrue, but I really think she has the well-being of the unit in mind.

So, I started running again today. Week 2 Day 3 of C25K after a 2-week hiatus due to runner's knee. I'll tell you what, that was no stinkin' fun. Since I'm in Phoenix and don't know my way around or the degree of safety around here, I just ran on the treadmill in the fitness room at the hotel. I wore my new shoes and compressive braces on both knees. It went very well! I still have a tiny hint of residual soreness from time to time on my right knee, but otherwise I feel 100%. My right ankle has been on the weak side ever since my accident and I feel like I land a little harder on that foot than I do my left. I don't know how to fix that, but I am trying to be aware of it and step lighter.

I'm going back to hard-core Whole30 eating when I get back home. The bloating and gut issues have been really uncomfortable and it's just not worth it to eat those foods. Well, the blueberry bread pudding at Switch last night was worth it. Very worth it. I DO make good choices though...for dinner I had lettuce wraps with fresh veggies and lamb, and they were super tasty! I've been eating good food as a whole, with a little wheat here or a little dairy there, etc. Ick. Just not good for my body. So this time the family is going to gradually join me, whether they like it or not. Ha. I'll splurge a little at Thanksgiving and Christmas and during our week with the in-laws, but that's all. Need to eat clean. Wheat and dairy hate me.

My milk supply has been good so far. I don't think I brought enough bottles for my expressed milk. Oops. I'm going to have to buy some bags.

Well, it's time to study. Got stuff due this week and I need to make good use of all of this quiet, uninterrupted time. I miss my crazy family, though. Really. A lot.

Um...ouch

2011-11-06T10:09:00.000-08:00

Long story short, I developed a very painful case of runner's knee and some additional pain on the inside of my knee because of my weak-ish thighs. Nice. Nothing like a reminder that you're out of shape. Anyhoo, when the knee pain progressed to the point of near excruciating, I stopped. I figured it had moved from just pain to injury, and needed a break. I got some supports for my knees and went to Sierra Running Company for gait analysis and new shoes. They hooked me up with a pair of shoes that should help to correct the slight overpronation in my ankles, and hence help my knee pain. I'll tell you, taking those short runs on the treadmill and around the store were misery.

So, nearly two weeks later, with the help of Aleve, knee supports, and ice, I'm back to 100% and ready to start running again next week! Although I haven't run during this timeframe, I do not feel as if I have let anything go or quit anything. I'm really looking forward to running again! I have found something that I actually enjoy, and I have goals that I'm reaching toward.

Today is the Two Cities Marathon, Half-Marathon, and Relay. I have several friends running (or "wogging" as one friend put it!) and it's really inspiring to me. I WANT to reach that goal for next year. I WANT to join them!

I went out with a couple of friends Friday night and had some of my favorite food at a favorite restaurant, Rousseau. Part of this meal was the bruschetta with fresh mozzarella, the goat cheese with roasted garlic and crostini, and the pot de creme, a melt-in-your-mouth chocolate worth-every-bite dessert. I paid for it the next day, but it was sure yummy! Again it was confirmed that I don't miss bread, but I LOVE my cheese! I'm learning that lactose and I don't really get along so hot anymore though. I weighed myself yesterday, and although I had some candy and a funnel cake at Halloween and the afore-mentioned meal, I haven't gained any weight. I haven't lost, but I haven't gained. That's a good thing I guess. I need to be stricter in my diet (my daily food is Whole 30-compliant, but I have some cheats here and there) and start working out again. Family pictures are in 20 days and I'd love to lose a little more weight!

My bonding leave starts December 5th. It'll be nice to have a month off.

I'm flying out to Phoenix tomorrow for a conference. It'll be the first time I'll have been away from my whole family, including the baby. I'm bringing my pump, but I'm concerned about my milk supply. I guess I should bring my More Milk Plus tincture just in case. It'll just be Monday evening through Thursday evening, but that seems like an eternity. I plan on getting a lot of school done during the nights, though. I have some catching up to do.

Anyhoo, that's it, by way of updates. I hope my re-introduction to running goes smoothly!

When I'm a midwife, please remind me...

2011-10-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

1. Not to be judgmental of other's choices (Explanation: When I had my well-woman visit yesterday with an NP who I didn't know, I was talking about birth control preferences, etc. She said "And you don't have any children, correct?" I said "Oh, no...I have three." She came back with "So the WHY do you want more children?" Really, lady? Rude.)

2. Be understanding of other's preferences (Explanation: At afore-mentioned visit, when I stated that I preferred non-hormonal birth control for various reasons, all I got was plug after plug for hormonal birth control in the form of pills and IUDs because that's what they carried and that was the NPs preference. I already said I'd like to avoid them, thank you, and gave you the reasons why. I'm a nurse. I'm educated. I know my meds and my side effects and risk vs. benefit. I didn't come to be preached at about what YOU think is best for me, I came to discuss options within my comfort zone. Thank you.)

3. Not preach my preferences at other people. Present the information as appropriate, then let my client decide based on the information and her preferences. (Explanation: See #2)

4. Have office personnel with personality. (Explanation: The medical assistant at yesterday's visit barely made eye contact, barely spoke to me, didn't tell me my weight or blood pressure but simply wrote them down and walked away. Weird.)

Those little tidbits are just from one office visit. I should keep a running log of these comments and situations...I run into them on a regular basis and always tell my husband "When I'm a midwife, please remind me..."

Theories and cultures and midwifery, oh my!

2011-10-22T08:29:00.000-07:00

It's my homework! I have assignments due in my Theories class and my Health Promotion class this weekend, plus work on a Power Point and a lot of reading for my Role of Midwifery class. The assignment for Health Promotion was to read a book from the list they provided about a culture different than my own and then write a "cultural desire" essay about it (this is basically a reflection on their culture and mine and an examination of my feelings toward other cultures, etc.). I went back and forth between a few books, to be honest. "The Spirit Catches You and You Fall Down" was really appealing because I deal with that type of situation often...I live miles away from the town where the book was based out of, I know the Hmong people because we have a large population of them here, and I'm a neuro nurse so seizures are right up my alley. But then I realized that kind of defeats the purpose of this assignment...I needed to pick something TOTALLY different. So I read this book, "A Midwife's Story", about midwifery and the Amish.

Can I just say right now that I would be totally happy to be a midwife in an Amish community? They're a fascinating group, really! My husband and I drove through Intercourse, PA on our way to our honeymoon spot years ago. I bought some beautiful little things from the shops, ate some great homecooked food, and passed on through. I was surprised at how withdrawn the Amish seemed. The girl behind the register at one of the shops had downcast eyes and did not speak to even to me, a girl close to her age (I was 20 at the time). I brushed it off but it always stayed with me, that although I know that their behavior is linked to their beliefs, the women seemed on the oppressed side.

This book was not only very enjoyable, but a real eye-opener. The midwife in the story (a true story, by the way) was not Amish, wore pants, and wasn't religious...and yet she was accepted into their fold with open arms because of the work she did and the respect she had for their ways. It's a very good, light read (I read it in less than a day) if you have the time or the want-to. It'll bring tears, so keep your handkerchief close.

For Theories my group is exploring the middle-range theory of Comfort as it relates to a broad scope of health situations. I'm stoked about the journal articles we chose, and my work on that is almost done for this module.

Speaking of my Health Promotion class, I have to journal this week on my self-management plan, which was starting jogging three days per week. Like my Whole30, I'm really proud that I've stuck with this. I find that C25K has been very helpful in keeping me on track with my goals. I bump up the intensity today, going from running in 60 second increments to 90 second increments. My knees are still a little sore, nothing bad, but from the people I've talked to and the stuff I've found on the web, it sounds like I need to be fitted for some new shoes. I hear it can make all the difference in knee pain. The pair of shoes I have now are nearly new, but I can save those for walking to the park with the kids or whatever. Seems like I need some real running shoes to haul my big self around with less pain.

The weather is lovely this morning...partly cloudy, somewhere in the high 60's to low 70's...I'm going to get a bite of breakfast and run while it's cool.

P.S. I'm going through a certain blog/site called The Clothes Make the Girl...she has a ton of clean recipes and I'm feeling the need for something out of my ordinary. I found this recipe for her Paleo Pad Thai, and I'm nearly giddy with the excitement of trying it!! Hello, comfort food!!

Whole30 - Day 31

2011-10-20T17:09:00.000-07:00

That's right! So I jumped on the scale this morning, and the final damage was 19 lbs lost! :) I can't believe I went from 214 lb to 195 lb in just 30 days! In this last week it REALLY tapered down, but I'm sure that's normal. I've continued on my way though, thrilled at the change the folks over at Whole9 promised I'd have...the life-changing experience of learning to view your food in a whole new way.

For example, my hubby swung us by Wendy's on the way home from work/school. Once upon a time I'd get a sour cream and chives baked potato (loaded with butter and sour cream, of course), a small chili, and a small frostie. Instead, when we drove up all I smelled was chemicals. I picked up the baggy of pistachios that I had stashed away and started noshing.

At work, people are saying "You're done! Now let's go to Starbucks and celebrate!" I happily tell them that I'm off sugar and dairy and am staying off because it does weird things to my body.

I am SO grateful for this experience. It has completely turned the way I view my food, a turn for the better.

I have to say that I celebrated a little bit by frying up a pan of organic uncured bacon...bacon is really less than ideal and this particular one had a little bit of sugar in it. But it was DELISH. I am saving all but the couple of pieces that I ate for the soup that I'm making tonight. And I saved the fat so I can use it to cook eggs again. I love poached eggs, but dude. You get a little tired of them day after day. It would figure that mere days before I was to be done they decided that grass-fed organic butter is fine if it's been clarified. Wish I had known that 30 days ago! But it will make the following months a little easier. Cooking eggs with olive oil is only slightly less gross than cooking them in coconut oil. Blech.

Time to run. Week 1 Day 3 of C25K today. I'm going to try to start improving my time/distance a little bit. I just need to push myself. Next run after this starts the next "notch up"...longer runs, shorter walks. Bring it on. I'm ready for this!

P.S. This is post-run Jessica speaking. My knees are feeling it a little bit today, not so much during my run but after. I improved both my time (by about 30 sec/mile) and my distance (2.18 mi) today. I have to admit that I had my first encounter with vanity while running. I was plugging along on my run segment when two very decent looking men came running toward me. Just as I was almost to them, my app told me to switch to a walk interval. They looked at me and cheered me on (must have been looking a little haggard) and told me I could do it...so I kept running...hahaha! I switched to a walk about 60 feet after we crossed paths, but I must admit I laughed at myself later...and told Trav and he laughed at me too. It's amazing what a little vanity will do for you!

Today I learned...

2011-10-18T22:38:00.000-07:00

1. That swallowing and/or inhaling gnats and/or other small flying creatures isn't really that bad.
2. That swallowing and/or inhaling them is far preferable to getting them in your eye.
3. There is a camaraderie among runners/joggers when they see each other on the road or sidewalk. It's like the biker mini-wave, except all they can muster is a glance and a nod.
4. I really CAN go a month without sugar (and grains and legumes and dairy).
5. I'm not the most physically fit person, but I surprise myself sometimes.
6. Being outside in the heat in Fresno is a bummer. It's even worse if you're exerting energy or breaking a sweat.
7. Those nifty little iPhone holder arm-strap dealios are pretty cool...and useful.
8. Bruises inflicted by my chiropractor feel much better than the IT band craziness I had before I saw her.

Well folks, I'm on day 29 of my Whole30. Tomorrow is the last "official" day. I haven't weighed myself for several days and I will not until Thursday morning. And I'll have to take an "after" picture too. I still have a LONG way to go, but every day I'm encouraged by positive comments and the support of others around me.

Week 1 day 2 of C25K today. Nearly killed me in the heat. I was slower than last time, but dang it was hot! As soon as I stepped outside my house I decided to go on a different route, a big circle around our development instead of to the park and around the track several times. I did this mostly because I knew if I did, then I couldn't just go home early. I had to keep going to get home. It wasn't the funnest thing ever, but I really didn't feel that bad after. It was just the "during" that was the killer.

I have gotten a lot of inspiration in the last few days from a blog that my mom sent me called One Twenty Five. It's written by a chica who was obese, albeit 10 lbs lighter than I was when I started. Her goal is to get to 125 lbs. She has had a tremendous journey, and she started running as well. She's done MARATHONS, dude. Whole marathons, not halves. Crazy. She's not to her goal yet, but looks fab. I love her blog.

Headache and homework so off I go.

The big picture (and the short view)

2011-10-16T23:59:00.000-07:00

This week should be a good one. I hope. The Neuroscience Symposium that I've been planning and working on for about 6 months is done now. HUGE deep sigh of relief here. Until about February, that is, when I'll begin planning all over again!

I need to catch up on school. That crazy Symposium was a huge time-suck, and I'm a little behind now. Time to get Dropbox up and rolling and take At Your Cervix' advice and print out notecard-sized notes. Brilliant.

I also come to day 30 of my Whole30 on Wednesday. I can't believe I've actually stuck with it. It's a huge thing, you know. I'm the ultimate procrastinator and never-finisher. But like I keep saying, this is my year. It's time to get my stuff together.

I officially started my C25K program today. Holy crap that was brutal. I'm WAY out of shape! I ended up going a little over 2 miles with 1 minute of running followed by 1.5 minutes of walking. I'm going to do this three times, then up the ante, as described in the C25K program. I got a handy-dandy app on my iPhone that lets you play your own music (iPod, Pandora, whatever) but there's a voiceover every however-many seconds/minutes that tells you to run, walk, or cooldown. It even tells you when you're halfway done! So, 9 weeks to 5k. Then I'll bump it to 10k, then a half-marathon. Yep, it's officially my goal. I want to run in the Two Cities marathon/half marathon next year. I also want to be able to run for various groups (for instance, the American Heart Association and Susan G. Komen for the Cure have 5k's in my area every year). I've joined gyms and not gone, I've tried working out at home and not sticking with it. Dang it, I'm going to run.

Being that Trav wants to stop at 4 babies, I may only have one more pregnancy and birth ahead of me. I want to go into that (whenever it is) healthy and fit. I want to experience labor not as a huffing, puffing, out-of-shape momma. I want to labor strong.

Breath of life

2011-10-16T12:11:00.000-07:00

I think it's safe to say that any birthy folk who read my blog probably also follow Rixa Freeze's blog, Stand and Deliver. She is a brilliant lady, and I started following her blog before I had one of my own. I have to say that hers is much more interesting than mine. Ha.

Well, I really got caught up in life for the past year...you know...school, work, new baby, family...and I kinda dropped out of the blogosphere. I came on occasionally to post, and even less frequently to read. So before I took my blogging vacation, I saw that Rixa was pregnant with her third baby. I JUST NOW finally went back to read the birth story of her third baby (who is somewhere around 6 months old now...bad me). It was truly touching.

They had a midwife, but birthed unassisted. After three births, I have to say that this is my dream for my next (and likely last) pregnancy and birth. But the most moving part is in the third video clip in her "Inga's Birth Story Part 1" post. We get the honor of viewing her laboring, first out of and then in the tub. When her baby is born and doesn't begin breathing after a while, she gives her baby a few of her own breaths...calmly, in the tub, placenta still in, cord still attached...

Her baby perked up (and toned up and pinked up) and let out a raucous cry. As I viewed this, that swell of a mother's love and intuition swept over me like a wave. Thank you, Rixa, for letting us into your life for such an intimate moment. And thank you for showing us that even when things don't go exactly as planned, they can often be addressed and helped in a calm, trusting manner.

Of birth and insulin

2011-10-15T10:52:00.000-07:00

I read a post this morning by Navelgazing Midwife about diabetes (DM), insulin/insulin resistance, and gestational diabetes (GDM) that was thought-provoking and made me reflect back on my own past. Especially considering how my body reacted in the smoothie incident.

I was about 180 at Deklan's conception, and about 200 at both Gavin's and Connor's conceptions. I gained modestly with all of my kids, with about 35 lbs being my highest gain. I've never had GDM or sugar in my urine during pregnancy. My kids were 8 lbs 6 oz, 10 lbs 1 oz, and 9 lbs 10 oz at birth.

Between her blog post and my knowledge as a nurse, I can guarantee that, while I may not have had GDM, insulin resistance played a big part in my kid's birthweight. I was never even aware of the affect that sugar and insulin resistance was having on my body. I knew it was probably happening, and when I started my Whole30 I knew I'd go through sugar withdraw and that I wouldn't miss it after a while. But the smoothie incident really sealed the deal for me. It wasn't that I went and binged on candy bars, or had a 4-pump latte at Starbucks. I had a smoothie, made of fruits and vegetable juice. "Health food" caused such a tremendous spike that I'm still flabbergasted. Now that my body has had a chance to regain some sensitivity to glucose, I can see how much of an impact it was having on me...and my babies.

I have some Type II DM on my mom's side, and she had GDM with her last baby. These are risk factors for me developing GDM with my babies or DM in the future. This is one fact that scared me straight as far as my health, activity, and weight go. I don't want diabetes. I've seen diabetes in action for years as a nurse. I've seen the patients on dialysis, blind, needing amputations, having heart attacks and strokes...their common diagnosis in probably 90% of cases? Diabetes. I don't want that to happen to me. I don't want that to happen to my family.

Back to the birth side of things...it's pretty amazing to see how the weights of my babies corresponded to my weight at the time. With Connor I really made a conscious effort to eat well, much better than I did with Gavin. As a result I didn't gain as much weight during my pregnancy and he weighed (slightly) less than Gavin did. My goal was just for a baby under 10 lbs. Oh, and did I mention that I had a hard time conceiving Connor? I had to chart, temp, and take herbs just to get my luteal phase long enough to enable me to get pregnant (infertility is another complication of DM/insulin resistance...PCOS is also much more prevalent in overweight women and women with DM).

As I work toward better health...toward diet changes, weight loss, and physical fitness, I'm interested to see how my next pregnancy will play out. Will I conceive easily? Will my baby be more toward the 8-9 lb range than the 9-10 lb range?

By the by, I'm almost to Day 30 of my Whole 30. I shopped yesterday, buying the same healthy food, another half-dozen cans of coconut milk, etc. I don't plan on stopping. This works for me. I know it seems restrictive from the outside, but I feel more liberated than I ever have as far as eating habits. When insulin-spiking and inflammation-causing foods are just plain GONE from my diet, there's no worry about moderation or "just one bite". It's so much easier to just say "No, thank you" and eat a green pepper instead. Sweet potatoes are like dessert, and apples have never tasted so sweet. I love the food that I eat now, because I know that it's not just filling my body, but truly nourishing it in an amazing way. It's not full of junk or preservatives or chemicals. It's just good, tasty, real food.

C25K?

2011-10-13T21:12:00.000-07:00

Anyone out there done it? It sounds appealing...the CoolRunning guys say than almost anyone can go from "Couch to 5K" in 9 weeks by following their plan of gradual activity increase. I figure it sounds pretty good. The weather is nice which certainly helps. I had my jogging goal as part of my Health Promotion class, and I think the C25K just gives it a little more structure.

My sister is a marathon runner, very slim and naturally athletic...pretty much my polar opposite in that regard. She weighs less than 100 lbs soaking wet. Anyhoo, we were talking tonight and I was telling her about my goals, asking how long it might take to train for a half-marathon...did she think I could do it in a year? She felt that a year was enough time, but that I should start smaller. Try starting with a 5K, then work my way up to a 10K, then a half-marathon. I thought that was good advice. So I think I'm going to do it.

I've been a casual runner in the past. I mean, the only equipment you need is a good pair of shoes. The rest is icing on the cake.

I have to say that I'm really excited about this! I'm losing weight, roping in my eating habits, starting to exercise...this really CAN be my year! I'm serious...by the time I turn 31 I want to be looking nice and feeling great. If I can manage to keep this up then I can be successful!

Whole30 - Day 25

2011-10-13T17:11:00.000-07:00

Another day down, 5 more to go.

I have to admit that I'm still shocked about the smoothie incident. Seriously. A small Mega Mango (pineapple juice substituted with carrot juice) all-fruit smoothie from Jamba Juice sent me running for the cookies. I'm glad that I had the willpower to fight back and win, but it's becoming more and more obvious why I find myself overweight today. Sugar (natural or otherwise) perpetuates a vicious circle in my body. Prior to now I could have easily had a large smoothie, felt fine, and never realized what was really happening inside of me.

I just got a CSA bin in yesterday and I'm about to go shopping and load the fridge with good food. Baked okra is the bomb and satisfies my desire for crunch (this curbs my desire for nuts...I like crunchy). It's so nice to see a fridge full of good, clean food!

I think I almost have Trav convinced to give it a go. He moans and cries about his nightly bowl of cereal. NOW I think "holy cow!! Tons of wheat mixed with dairy...what on earth was I doing to myself?!?" I have been trying to convince him that he won't even miss it after a few days. I know I don't, and I could put down some cereal.

We have a family photo shoot at the end of November for our Christmas cards. I wonder how I'll look and feel then?

Whole30 - Day 24

2011-10-13T02:26:00.000-07:00

Well, I guess it's day 24. It's 2-something am so I guess it's day 25. Anyhoo, just a short post to discuss a crazy revelation.

I have some CRAAAAZY sugar addictions! My body reacts to sugar like I'd imagine people react on drugs. I have a little, then every craving you could imagine is triggered. Then I feel like crap. Then I wonder why, and realize what's happening.

This is a good thing...well, a good thing to find out about myself anyway. I'm going to have to really be careful with sugar.

"SUGAR?!?" you say! "I thought you weren't eating sugar on your Whole30!" I'm not. I just had fruit. Too much fruit. Crazy.

An addendum...

2011-10-09T23:31:00.000-07:00

I was poking around and noticed that someone hit my blog by searching for "whole30 bad experience nursing". So I figured that I'd answer their search question, assuming that they're meaning "nursing" in the sense of "breastfeeding".

My milk supply has been just fine. My routine is that I pump at work, twice per day during chill days and once per day during crazy days (I work an average of 8 hours per day). I drink water to thirst and do not take any herbs to increase my supply. I have used More Milk Plus in the past, but since it's tinctured in alcohol I haven't used it during my Whole30. I've always had an abundant supply though, so it shouldn't shock me that I still make enough to feed my babe and have enough leftover to milkshare with a friend who is having lactation difficulty.

Anyhoo, I nurse as soon as I get home, then for nourishment and comfort throughout the evening and night. We bedshare and I love it. True, my babe isn't sleeping through the night, but it doesn't really bother me, keeps my milk supply up, and helps us stay close even though I'm gone every day. I roll over with him to switch sides and judging from an approximate number of roll-overs (approximate because I never fully wake up...so I'm a little hazy) he nurses an average of 3-4 times per night.

My nursling doesn't seem to mind my diet...no particular issues with gas or upset tummy. He's as chubby and happy as he could be, so I'm assuming he's properly nourished.

That's about it. Hope that helps if you're wondering if doing Whole30 affects milk supply/nursing relationship.

Whole30 - Day 20

2011-10-09T21:12:00.001-07:00

Wow. Day 20. Only 10 more days! Well, I say only 10 more days, but I have every intention of eating this way for a while. I may have a break day at 31 days, have my Pumpkin Spice Latte...but then back to business.

Speaking of Pumpkin Spice Latte, I've found a couple of happy little tricks in the java department. To make my own "Pumpkin Spice Latte", I get a double doppio espresso, then take it home and add about 1/2 cup of coconut milk and fill with water to about a Grande size, then add a few shakes of pumpkin spice seasoning from my cupboard. Awesome. Totally scratches the itch for a good ol' PSL. It's also nice to add a little dash of vanilla extract to my coffee...not that I don't like a mild coconut flavor, but it does get a little every-day. The vanilla complements the coconut taste to the point of masking it. Nice.

I've become a regular at Whole Foods in the Meats and Seafoods departments. They have a clean spicy Italian turkey sausage that makes me very happy. My standard quickie meals have become a link of that over romaine and arugula salad with some olives and olive oil and vinegar. Very satisfying. My salads are huge. I use an entire heart of romaine and a solid handful of arugula in each one. One, and they also have a very nice clean apple and chicken sausage that pairs wonderfully with a few sliced strawberries in the same romaine-arugula-olive oil-balsamic vinegar salad. I try not go crazy with the sausage, though, and make fish, chicken, and meat my staples. You know, come to think of it, every protein I've tried rocks my socks off in the afore mentioned salad. I like salad. Always have.

While I'm staying very true to the eating plan for Whole30, I have to admit that I've weighed myself...which is a no-no. But I find it SO encouraging!! It gives me the willpower to spit out coffee prepared with cream and sugar that my husband so lovingly (and forgetfully) brought to me. It helps me to turn down the pastry at work, and reminds me that I'm doing this for ME. It's MY body that's changing. I am getting healthier. I'm nourishing MYSELF well. So do you want to know my dirty little secret? I've lost 18 pounds in 20 days. Seriously. I'm now 196, down from 214. And all of that while eating plenty of food (see giant salads above)...it's just good, healthy, clean food! No junk, no chemicals...meats/seafood/chicken/eggs are always organic/grass-fed (or wild-caught), produce is about 80% organic at this point. Nothing on labels that I can't read. Nothing is highly processed. I've started getting comments from coworkers and hubby. My clothes are fitting looser...my size 20 work pants (which fit a little loosely to begin with) now fall off of me, and my size 18 work pants (which were a little snug) are almost to the point of needing a belt. My tummy is much less out there, and my tush is shrinking.

I have some recent pictures of me from my last trip to Kentucky...admittedly NOT the most flattering pics. However, I'm relishing the thought of dressing in the same clothes and taking some "after" pictures!

Speaking of Kentucky (and school), one of my classes this term, Health Promotion and Disease Prevention, has us making a Self-Management Plan (and a journal to go along with it) for 4 weeks. My goal is to jog 3 times per week. As much as I'm stoked about losing weight and eating better, I really need to be exercising. And by exercising I don't mean a leisurely stroll to the park with the kiddos. So this class came at a good time...I can go out for a jog without the kids and tell Travis it's for school!! Hahaha! And hopefully this assignment will set the stage for good long-term habits. Oh, and my "reward" to myself for meeting my goals (which I WILL do, by the way) is buying a pair of Vibram Five Fingers shoes for myself. The only thing better than toe socks? Toe shoes!!

Nursling calling. Oh, my cutie pie is 9 months. He's crawling and is SO cute. And still nursing like a champ, even through the night. It's a fair trade-off, no? No period for disturbed sleep? It's no so bad since we co-sleep...I don't even fully wake up. Yahoo!

Whole30 - Day 12

2011-10-01T09:37:00.000-07:00

Day 12? You mean I'm almost halfway there? That just doesn't seem right...time has flown!

So here's my reflection at the almost-halfway point: This is not hard. This is totally possible, even when you're a busy working and schooling mom.

The first few days were a little rough. But from then on? Smooooooth sailing! I don't crave sugar...I don't crave bread...I don't crave anything. The only things that I really miss and will be happy when I can have them again is butter for cooking and my Starbucks Pumpkin Spice Latte. But that's just because I want them and miss them.

So how have I been coping with Whole30 when my family isn't doing it with me? The dinners I make are Whole30, with the addition of a starch (potatoes and rice are the faves around here), and I just don't eat the starch but have double portions of the veggie. When Trav goes to Starbucks I just ask him for an iced black coffee, and when he brings it home I pour in some coconut milk. I keep snacks around for myself...nuts, olives, Larabars, etc. for when I'm feeling like a little nosh. The Halloween candy doesn't interest me. As in I don't even take a second (longing) look. And I don't feel like I'm depriving myself of anything.

It has also been easier with MamaG doing it with me. Even though she's thousands of miles away, it's encouraging to know that someone else is right there with you. Everyone at work also knows that I'm eating clean, and it's been amazing to see them make some healthier choices because of me! For instance, instead of getting pizza on my birthday, they went to a mediterranean restaurant and got a salad sans feta topped with chicken for me, and salads with feta and chicken for themselves. It was awesome, and so thoughtful of them to surround me with support.

I'm looking at this and thinking that I could do it for much longer than 30 days. Really this should be my standard way of eating and then just have a treat from time to time. I've lost inches, I'm sure. Clothes are noticeably looser around the waist. But I'm still a heavy chick. I have a long way to go. Speaking of which...I said I'd declare my goals in this post. I think that if I throw in some regular exercise in addition to eating this way, I could actually attain these goals within a year. But I'm not putting a time frame on myself because I don't want to feel like I failed or something. As long as I'm moving forward and losing weight, I'm succeeding. So here goes nothing.

I have three levels of goals in my weight loss journey. Looking at the big picture and seeing that I need to lose over 80 lbs is just really big…huge and daunting. So I am breaking it down by BMI like this:

214 (prior to starting Whole30) – BMI = 36.7 Obese is BMI of 30 or higher. So to get into the “Overweight” category, I need to be...

174 – BMI = 29.9 Overweight is BMI 25-29.9. So to get into the “Normal” category, I need to be...

145 – BMI = 24.9 Normal is BMI 18.5-24.9. So to get into a comfortable spot in Normal, I WANT to be...

130 – BMI = 22.3

So, in pounds that translates to:

214 to 174 = 40 lbs lost

174 to 145 = 29 lbs lost

145 to 130 = 15 lbs lost

____________________

Grand total of 84 lbs lost

Again, I’m not setting a time frame on these, as time frames just seem to be discouraging. As long as I’m making progress and not regressing, I’m happy, even if that means plateauing for a while. I just have to get this right in my head.

Having said that, I do have a loose goal to be in the “Normal” range somewhere by my 31^st birthday. That gives me just over a year to lose about 70 lbs.

I don’t put a lot of stock in BMI as an indicator of overall health, but it seemed like a good point of reference, with ranges and all.

So, in light of all of this, I confessed in my last post that I was going to weigh myself for my birthday, even though we're not supposed to weigh during Whole30. Guess what? I'm down to 202. That's 12 lbs gone so far!! Of course, I don't expect to shed weight at that rate for the duration of the Whole30...in fact I'm pretty sure I have lost little if any weight since then. But my body is looking and feeling different, which is highly encouraging!

Whew. Long post. I'm done though.

P.S. It's awesome to think that, as I move toward my goals, the fact that I'm losing weight and getting healthy is not only a benefit to me, but it's good for my family, and will allow me to be more effective in my career as a midwife. Let's just face it...those ladies are part contortionists the way they maneuver sometimes to accommodate a birthing momma! Much easier to do this without 84 extra lbs hanging on me...no...72 extra pounds. Squeeeee! :)

Whole30 - Day 6

2011-09-25T08:08:00.000-07:00

I am really glad that I went back on this. I felt like such a failure for ditching it the first time. It's just that I did NOT have the time to do all of the cooking and food prep that goes into eating clean with everything that was going on. But we'll suffice it to say that I didn't eat real well from that point, added to the stressors (read: stress eating) of another term of grad school, a trip to Kentucky with a baby, etc. Not a good excuse, but there you have it. The bottom line: when I started Whole30 this time I was a whopping 214.

Yeah. Wow. Discouraging. I vowed that I would not be going into my 30's fat, yet here I am. I guess that the bottom line was that I knew what I had to do, I just didn't want to do it. And I covered that up by saying that I didn't have TIME to exercise, to eat right, etc.

Enter my Community Health project on diabetes. Scared the pants off of me. I'm a nurse, and I know the risk factors for diabetes. But something clicked when I did this project. I realized that I had to shape up the way I eat now or else I'm going to be eating like a diabetic and giving myself insulin for the rest of my life! Add in a little exercise, then the weight begins to come off, lessening my risk factors. Makes sense. So I was talking with MamaG one day and asked if we were going to just do it. So we did. The very next morning we started.

The first days this time when very much the same as last time. Starving. Ravenous. Measuring out the snack because I know I'll eat handful after handful of almonds if I don't. Tempted to quit. But this time I had resolve. By day 3 I wasn't starving all day every day anymore. Two eggs and some fruits/veggies filled me up in the morning instead of three. Basically my system is getting used to eating less volume, but more nutrition. It's an amazing thought!

I think last time I was discouraged because it seemed like (in my silly mind) that I was pigeon-holed into eating broiled chicken breasts and steamed veggies. While there is nothing wrong with this, food on Whole30 can be so much more interesting!! I made a curry chicken salad yesterday that was to die for. The only things I did differently than my usual chicken salad? Added curry powder and replaced mayo with mashed avocado and coconut milk. As I was mixing it I was actually saying out loud "I can't WAIT to taste this!"

Which brings me to another lightbulb moment...yes, food is for nourishment and fuel, but it can also be SO enjoyable! I don't have to let go of my love of food to get healthy. I just have to eat clean, healthy food and prepare that awesome, tasty ways. Then not only am I reaching my goal, but I'm doing it with a sense of satisfaction that my food tastes fab AND it's good for me. I've told myself in the past while fad- or crash-dieting "Food is for fuel, not for comfort." Why can't food be comforting? I love food. I love variety. I love all kinds of cuisines. I find a nice, hot, tasty meal very comforting. It fills my belly and gives me a sense of contentment. The catch here is that I just need to make sure that the food that's giving me the comfort is in the appropriate amount (i.e. not gorging myself, but just eating until I'm satisfied) and is the right food (i.e. clean food, fruits and veggies, organic/grass-fed/pastured meats, chicken, and eggs, nuts and seeds, etc.).

Now, for the challenges. I've had to break myself of the habit of licking peanut butter off of my fingers after making sandwiches for the boys, or licking some frosting off after giving them a cupcake at a birthday party. These little sneaky moments that once happened without thinking require thought and intention. I've also been stuffed up since day 3...not sure if this is a detox-ish reaction or that I'm trying to fight a bug and my body is just doing a really good job of fighting it. I've had some headaches, which I'm sure are in part because of diet changes, but also because I've cut my coffee consumption in half. I still drink a boatload of coffee...average of about 3-4 cups per day. Yes, I really was drinking 6-8 cups of java every day prior to this. Yup. Really. And then of course, it takes a little more effort to eat clean. But it's starting to feel routine now, and I have my go-to snacks to tide me over until I have time to make a meal.

I've found that I eat a decent breakfast (usually 2 eggs, either poached or scrambled with some sauteed veggies, fruit like blueberries or cantaloupe, and veggies if I didn't already have them with my eggs), a big lunch (usually a salad of some sort topped with a protein), and a very light supper (leftovers, chicken salad, a soup, or something along those lines). Sometimes no supper. That might be bad, I don't know, but sometimes I'll have just snacked a little bit on some veggies and olives, have started getting some food ready for myself, then Connor needs to be fed. I lay in the bed with him to feed him, then end up falling asleep for the night. The weird part? I don't wake up starving. Just regular ol' hungry. Nice.

I've been taking the kids to the park and power-walking around the track a few times when we go. All in all, that's about 2 miles every time. I'd like to get into jogging or running...I'm just going to have to make the time for myself. Walking with the kids has a more leisurely pace than I'd like. We live in a safer neighborhood now, and with the park and track only 0.37 miles away, it's very convenient, lighted, and safe. The track is 0.25 miles around. Anyhoo, my activity level is gradually going up. Good thing.

Along with eating clean and increasing my activity, my energy level is going up. Thing is, when I finally get tired, I CRASH. I mean, so tired I can't keep my eyes open. Not sure if this is a god thing or a bad thing.

Time to run and get us ready for church.

Oh, and for the record, I'm going to break a Whole30 rule tomorrow. It's my birthday, and I'm going to weigh myself. I want to know what I weigh going into my 30's. That's the only reason why. I know Whole30 isn't all about weight loss, but let's just face it...when you're as heavy as I am and you go Whole30, you're going to lose weight. I think it might be encouraging to help me stick with it, and a reality check as I go into my 30's.

This is my year. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to do it right. I'm going to eat well, get active, and become healthy. I made goals for myself (without timelines) which I'll declare next post.

Later tater.

Busy days!

2011-09-24T17:27:00.000-07:00

Well then. To pick up where I left off...

For starters, turns out that I got an A and B for that one term, not two Bs. Yay!

Another term has come and gone since, which included my time back in Kentucky for "Crossing the Bridge". I did a presentation on diabetes, got to see all of my Frontier sisters, and got to meet a friend face-to-face for the first time! We've been friends for years online, and she watched Connor for me while I was in classes. I got As in both classes this term...yay! The term that starts in 2 days brings my very first MIDWIFERY class! Woooooooohoooooooooooo!

We moved into a really nice house, much more updated and a little bit bigger, a 3/2 instead of a 2/1. Smaller yard, though. I'll post pics sometime. We're using the move as a catalyst for our decluttering project and minimizing our possessions. What an incredible task this is!

I turn 30 in 2 days. 'Nuff said.

Back on the Whole 30, day 5 (I think) and sailing along merrily. I'm in on it with another person, and it's nice for accountability.

Enough for now...

Forced march...

2011-07-17T10:22:00.000-07:00

So the owner of the house we were renting decided to sell it and give us 30 days to move. This happened the day after the prior post. So suddenly here I was with my whole family sick or recovering, trying to work full-time, wrap up this semester (writing papers and studying for finals), now adding house-hunting and moving to the list. Needless to say I went off of the Whole 30. Will be starting again soon, though!

I got B's last term, which was great considering all that was going on. I was just happy to pass.

Whole30 - Days 4 and 5...

2011-06-02T13:48:00.000-07:00

...have been a blur of sickness. I don't know what it was...stomach bug, food poisoning, whatever, but it had me in bed with a 102 degree fever, headache, severe muscle and joint aches, and (to put it nicely) GI distress. I was feeling kinda' bad before I went to bed Tuesday night, but thought maybe I just overdid the fats a little that day. Then on Wednesday morning I realized that something was very wrong. I tried to get ready for work and didn't get past brushing my teeth and hair...I had to lay down. Long story short, it was a VERY bad day.

Eventually, though, I felt like I needed something in my system. I tried a banana, and only got a couple of bites in before I decided that was a bad idea. Drank lots of water, still needed a little something. Had 1/4 cup of 100% juice...helped pep me up a little, but still wasn't what I needed. Had a handful of blueberries...they were wonderful, and they stayed down! Seriously, I would have given my right arm for some Ritz crackers and a bottle of Reed's Ginger Brew. It was so hard not to cave. I know juice isn't technically on Whole30, but I think I had a small enough amount for it to be legal.

I got up this morning with a low grade fever, feeling a little better, but still generally like crap. I putzed around, drank water, and rested in the recliner. Around noon, I decided that I needed some chicken soup. I have to say that it sucked to not be able to grab a can of soup out of the pantry and heat it up. I had to make it from scratch. So I got a bag of homemade chicken broth out of the freezer and thawed it. Chopped up a bunch veggies and sauteed...onions, garlic, carrots, celery...very veggie-rich...then tossed in all that was left of the chicken that I made the other night. Simmered for a few minutes, salt and pepper, then into the bowl and into my belly. And it was SO good. My fever broke late this morning, and the muscle and joint aches are slowly fading. Hurray for feeling better.

My husband and a friend suggested that this might have been a result of "detoxing". I wasn't sure about that...would I get a fever and everything? Maybe my immune system was just low, so I got sick easily. I do seem to see a common thread of illness in the first week of Whole30 in blogged experiences that I've read.

That's it. I need to get horizontal again. I'm starting to get a little woozy.

Oh, and yesterday was our 9th wedding anniversary. :) Too bad I spent it sick! It's amazing to me that we've been married for that long...it doesn't seem like 9 years! Through all of the ups and downs, there's not a single person alive that I'd have rather plowed through them with than my hubby. I love you, babe!

Whole30 - Day 3

2011-05-31T21:46:00.000-07:00

Not the best day today, gotta tell ya. No, I didn't cheat, but it was a top-speed-from-start-to-finish kind of day and it was kinda' rough to fit good food into it. It would have been SO much easier to just run out and pick up a Subway sandwich! But stick to it I did, and at the end of the day I'm proud of myself. I had 3 fried eggs (in just the tiniest bit of coconut oil) and fruit for breakfast (strawberries and blueberries) with a cuppa joe (with coconut milk). That was the easy part of my day. Thankfully I had the presence of mind to fill my vente-sized travel mug with coffee and coconut milk at the house, because I heated it up in the afternoon and was eternally grateful for it!

I packed leftover chicken for lunch, a half of an English cucumber with salt, pepper, and garlic. Brought dried flaked (unsweetened) coconut and almonds for munchies, and tossed a handful of Larabars into my desk drawer for emergency purposes.

Let it be known...if you're a 3-square-meals-per-day person, you're going to have to adjust that on the Whole30. I eat and two hours later I'm hungry again! All of this REAL food is excellent fuel, gives me energy, but doesn't last long! So lunch, the coconut/almonds and coffee were soon gone...and I pulled a late day at work and suddenly had no food. Thank God for Larabars! My saving grace was the Apple Pie one that I pulled from my drawer...savored every bite of that puppy! Finally got home, and then had to clean up, feed the baby, etc. Grabbed a bag of baby carrots and munched to get my tummy to stop growling. Now finally, at 9:57 pm, I just polished off a half an avocado and I'm about to have garlic-sauteed spinach and shrimp.

I wish I had a chef to cook and feed me. That would make this so much easier. I'm not whining, I'm just thinking how nice it would be. Working all day then coming home and being wife and mommy doesn't leave much time for me...and it's nearly 10 pm and I still need to cram in a little studying. *le sigh*

I will survive.

Whole30 - Day 2

2011-05-30T11:01:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I roasted two of our chickens...they've been in the freezer for a while so I'm glad to be getting them eaten! Whole30 stresses the importance of eating "clean" proteins...organic, grass-fed, pastured...that sort of thing. Hurray for having about 10 chickens left that fit the bill! Then of course I have my eggs from my egg lady. Those chickens that I roasted yesterday...my, my, were they good! I made a rub with olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic, and fresh sage and rosemary from my herb garden out front. It was SO GOOD. I had some for lunch with a salad and then again for dinner. I know it's probably too soon to be really having any weight loss, but the bloating is sure decreased! Nice to be feeling better.

Nuts, berries, and dried shredded coconut have been my snacks. Had a Cherry Pie Larabar yesterday (it's dates, nuts, and unsweetened cherries) and thought I died and went to heaven. Now it's time for breakfast. I wish I had some mushrooms in the fridge...then I'd do a modified Denver omelet type of thing. But alas, no shrooms. I'll have to get some.

Whole30 - Day 1

2011-05-29T11:05:00.001-07:00

So the last half of yesterday was just a warm-up for me...to get my mind in the right place. Today starts the real deal.

Just for the sake of comparison, I weighed myself this morning. I might step on a scale every month or two, so I wasn't sure what I weighed. For the record, I'm 208. I know it's not a weight loss program, but if I lose weight I want to know about it! :) And they do say that, while you may not lose weight, your body composition will change. So even if I don't lose weight, I'll be totally stoked if my clothes fit better and I look a little leaner. My goal has never been to be skinny...it's to be healthy. Now the scale is put up in the cabinet, not to be touched again until next month.

I'm already seeing how, since you eat better, you need to eat more. This food moves right on through my system and I find myself hungry after a few hours. Like hungry...not just bored or thirsty. :) So I got up, fed the dogs, got the kids situated, changed the baby, etc. and noticed that I was starving! So as I prepared my breakfast, I grabbed a handful of blueberries out of the fridge to nosh on. I pre-washed most of my produce last night so that it's easy to snack...no prepping, no washing, just grab and go. I sauteed broccoli, shredded carrots, and green onions in coconut oil, and seasoned with salt, pepper, and garlic. Then added three eggs and scrambled. It was delish! Drinking my coffee now with coconut milk. I don't miss the sugar. The coconut milk has a very subtil sweetness and flavor that I enjoy.

As I moved through my morning, I paid attention to labels. I would say that 80-90% of what's in my fridge has sugar or soy of some type. It's amazing! The lunch meat, the breakfast sausage, seasonings...is it really necessary? I love the fact that the food I've eaten thus far today has been minimal processed (it was cooked, so it was processed). I wonder if I'm going to get sick of coconut.

Whole30 and me!

2011-05-29T00:18:00.000-07:00

So I've decided to do the Whole30 thing. If you haven't heard of Whole30 before, here's the skinny: dairy is out, grains are out, legumes are out, sugar is out, highly processed food is out. Time to reset your body and your mindset toward food. Eat plenty of good-quality proteins, veggies, fruits, and fats. Don't weigh yourself, because it's not a weight-loss program...it's about changing the way you look at food and the relationship you have with food. They have you ask yourself a series of questions, which I'll post and answer now.

1. When I'm bored, over-tired, frustrated or angry, I find myself craving salty things, granola bars, cereal.

2. Sometimes I think I'm hungry, but I'm just bored or thirsty.

3. When I'm craving sugar, I used to eat the kids' fruit snacks, cookies, or cereal, but during my Whole30 I'm going to reach for nuts, olives, protein instead.

4. Planning ahead is going to be the key to me staying on track.

The rest of the questions are for after you've already started. So today I stocked up on fresh fruits and veggies, mostly organic, nuts, olives, coconut, and good protein sources. I have purposed to buy less, eat everything that I buy, not to waste, and buy as sustainably as possible. I joined a CSA, Farmer and the Dale. I chose this particular CSA because the majority of what they have is organic, you get to choose what comes in your box, and they deliver to your doorstep. That's easier than fast food, so I have NO excuse!

I'm not forcing Trav or the boys to do it because I've already gotten resistance...better to ease them in. Deklan would go his entire life without eating a fruit or vegetable (well, maybe bananas...but that's about it) if I let him. Gavin is a little garbage disposal, so I'm not worried about him. Trav just isn't convinced that he wants to give all of that up, even though he'd still be able to eat a plethora of other yummy stuff! So I'm going to prepare food for myself, let them finish off the stuff in the cabinets gradually, and gradually replace all of that with good stuff. Deklan is going to be my hardest.

So here sit I, having my nightly tea without cream or sugar...only coconut milk. And you know what? It's darn good. I have to say that I don't really miss either. I'm going to start exercising again...nothing radical, but just get moving and be active 2-3 days per week to start. I think it would really help my energy levels, my sleep, and my aches and pains. I'm REALLY looking forward to this next month!

Connor rolled over today for the first time! (and the second and the third...) Now that he's got it down, he's unstoppable! Go baby, go!

I have a friend who recently gave birth to her third baby. Every birth is very special in its own right, but this one holds a special place in my heart. I met this friend when I was pregnant with Gavin and she was pregnant with her first...my bloggings at that time are the very first posts on this blog. I wasn't all crazy birth hippie or anything, but I was learning about natural birth and LOVING what I was learning. I didn't shout it from the rooftop, but when topics came up I gently gave my two cents. Anyway, my friend ended up having a c-section. It was totally avoidable, but the doctors made it sound like she had no other option and she agreed. When I read her birth story, my heart broke a little for her...not only for the birth experience lost, but also the fact that it was just so normal to have a c-section. Fast forward a couple of years...she's pregnant again. This pregnancy ended with surgery as well, another avoidable one (had her doctors listened to her). I started finding that as we discussed our kids, she started to become open to my crazy birth hippie ways. Hahaha! And again, long story short, she became pregnant again at the same time I was pregnant with Connor. This time would be different, she vowed. This time she was pushing her baby out. And push her baby out she did! After fiasco upon fiasco, switching of midwifery practices, stopping concurrent care with an OB, and numerous other speed bumps, she had her baby in the water at home unassisted, a VBA2C. Her midwives arrived a few minutes after the baby was born. She did it! Not only did she push her baby out, but she did it without cords and wires and tubing, continuous monitoring, vaginal exams, or pain medication. She not drugged up, bonded with her baby right away, established breastfeeding, and had energy to spare. And my heart was and is so full of love and pride and respect and joy for her that it nearly bursts every time I think of her lovely birth! Congrats, my dear friend. I always knew you could do it.

Still considering minimalist living...Trav is on board, we just have to start. The task seems SO DAUNTING. And I am struggling just to keep my head above water in school and keeping the laundry from piling up too high. I need a clone.

The little things I couldn't live without...

2011-05-19T17:18:00.000-07:00

...regarding pregnancy, birth, postpartum, breastfeeding, and child care, that is. There are quite a few things that are on my list.

* Red Raspberry Leaf tea

* Papaya Enzymes

* Floradix Iron & Herbs

* Evening Primrose Oil

* my chiropractor

* Arnica

* Undercover Mama tanks

* Motherlove Nipple Cream

* Medela Pump-in-Style

* Cloth diapering supplies

* A variety of slings and wraps

* Amber necklace for teething

* Simple Wishes pumping bustier

* Bamboobies nursing pads

Some sites that I couldn't live without:

* Mothering

* Diaper Swappers

* Pin Stripes and Polka Dots

Just thought I'd share. You're welcome.

Whew!

2011-04-10T14:41:00.000-07:00

Boy, life has a way of sneaking up on you, doesn't it? I'm now in my third of four semesters to finish my Master's degree, then a couple of years more after that to get my certification in midwifery. I passed Statistics! Woohoo! It was the second time I've taken that class, once in nursing school and again over 10 years later as I work through this program...and I dreaded it both times. And somehow I passed both times. And not only did I pass, but I got an A. Imagine that. This term is Theory and Research and Community Health. Theory and Research has my tummy in knots. It is an area that I'm passionate about, but this course just seems daunting. But I know I'll get through it with the help of my Frontier sisters, just as I have the last two semesters.

Connor is growing so fast...I can't believe he's already over 13 weeks! He is such a charmer, always smiling and chuckling. His brothers love him to pieces, as do we. I look around at my three precious boys and just can't understand why God has blessed me as He has. Three gorgeous, smart, healthy boys...

I'm looking at minimalist living these days. As busy as we are, we just have no patience for clutter. So we're looking very seriously at this concept of intentional simplicity. I'm really enjoying the website Becoming Minimalist as the author is a believer and ties in an individuals spiritual life with minimalist living. I'm not talking about anything extreme like each person having only 100 belongings or anything like that, but just not having anything around that isn't essential to living. I have a feeling that this is going to be a long journey. From what I read on blogs written by those who have taken a minimalist approach, it is often done in layers, starting first with the things that you are not using, that are broken, etc. Then after that, start addressing what you can live without. As I look around my house, the idea sounds more and more appealing. We move frequently, and are a busy family, so paring things down a bit sounds just fabulous.

Connor's Birth Story

2011-01-14T20:51:00.000-08:00

My official "due date", for what it's worth, was December 26th. I didn't go on maternity leave until I was 37 weeks because I figured that I'd go around a week past my due date, as I had in the past. The end of the school term came and went. Christmas came and went. New Year's came and went. Friends and family were speculating as to when he would be born...my sister's birthday was January 3rd...maybe that day? Both of my boys before him were born on a Tuesday. I commented to my doula that I thought he would be born the Tuesday after Christmas, since it was after my due date and, of course, a Tuesday. But he didn't come on anyone's schedule or particular day! He did, however, come on a Tuesday. On Jan. 2nd, my midwife came by the house to talk about post-date issues. She discussed large babies (potentially over 10 lbs) and the possibility of me having polyhydramnios. I'm not the professional (yet!), but I felt confident that, although I was huge, I didn't have either. I was measuring smaller than I was with Gavin, who was over 10 lbs, and I had only gained a total of 20 lbs the entire pregnancy. Despite my gut feeling that all was well, I let my mind get the better of me, wondering if everything was alright in there, hoping that my baby was healthy, etc. It's stressful to go not only past your due date, but then past the latest point that you've ever given birth! That night I had a breakdown, crying and stressed. I woke up the next morning, and just had the feeling nothing was going to happen that day. I prayed and asked God to please keep my baby and my body healthy, and to let me deliver safely at home as planned. And I had peace. I knew He would let it happen in His time. I went to bed that night and told Travis "It'll be tomorrow. It's Tuesday!" Despite my feeling that it would be the next day, I stayed up and watched "Inception" with Travis, then went to bed at around 11:30pm.

I woke up at 3:30am on Jan. 4th at 41 weeks, 2 days with a crampy uterus. I had been having prodromal stuff for a couple of days, so initially I didn't think anything of it. Then I felt wetness. I had to pee, though, so I wondered if I hadn't peed. Then more wetness, rapidly growing. I rolled out of bed faster than I had in months, trying not to get the sheets wet...success! I wobbled to the bathroom as fast as I could, and by the time I got there my pj pants were soaked. I checked the fluid...clear. Yay! It WOULD be today! I changed and went and woke Travis up. "Babe, my water broke!" "Is this a dream?" "Nope, it's for real. He's coming today!" I was having mild, achy contractions every so often, but nothing really laborish. I called my midwife, Detrah, at about 3:45 to let her know my water had broken, and let her know I'd call when things kicked up a notch. Then I called my doula, Melanie, to let her know the same. Travis and I double-made the bed with a plastic sheet in between, then he laid on the sofa and I sat in the recliner to try to rest. I dozed off and on between contractions, and eventually fell asleep.

At around 7:00, a contraction woke me up. They were getting stronger. Travis was still asleep. I got up and drank some water and made coffee for Travis. I woke him up, and the first thing he said was that he felt sick to his stomach. I asked if I should make him some tea and toast, and he said "No". I told him to speak now or forever hold his peace, because pretty soon I won't be giving a hoot how he feels! I made him some tea. Detrah sent me a text asking how things were, and I told her. She said she'd be over shortly. Melanie arrived at about 8:00 as I was starting to make my Groaning Cake. I had a cup of yogurt for breakfast. We talked and I contracted from time to time, stopping to lean on the counter as Mel rubbed my back. Then it was back to cooking and chatting. Travis, however, was having a miserable time. He actually vomited, then went back to bed for a little while. Detrah arrived at about 8:30 just as the boys were getting up. When I got the cake in the oven, she took my vitals and listened to the baby. All was well. Only thing was that things weren't really intensifying. In fact, they seemed to be slowing a bit. Despite all of my attempts to get him to turn, he had remained posterior for the last couple of months...a fact that really influenced the course of this birth.

Travis and I walked around the block, briskly as I had only one or two contractions the entire time. I sat and rocked on my birth ball. I was given blue cohosh and acupressure. "Holy cow, is that stuff tinctured in vodka?? That burned all the way down!" I drank and ate some cake (which was fabulous!), but didn't feel much like eating. I took some Goldenseal. I took on several contractions with my foot up on a chair in a modified lunge. I joked that I felt like the guys in those Captain Morgan commercials. :) Detrah lifted my belly with a rebozo with contractions. THAT made a difference, as it had with Gavin's birth. He didn't turn, but things began to feel different. We walked around the block again. I commented when we got back "Yeah, there was NO power-walking this time!" I had several really decent contractions during the walk. Detrah went home for lunch, as my contractions were still on the slow side. She recommended that I do some positional things to help him turn, like elbows and knees with contractions and/or with a leg up a la Captain Morgan. She also measured out some black and blue cohosh and left it, with the instructions to take it if I felt the need. I took the tinctures shortly after she left and did the positions during contractions, and noticed more changes. Things were definitely starting to pick up. The boys mostly played quietly or watched cartoons, and occasionally came out into the main room to see what was going on. Trav and Mel took turns catering to them...they were bottomless pits that day!! They ate CONSTANTLY. It seemed that they were less interested in the fact that their brother was being born than what they were going to eat next! :) Lord help my grocery budget when they're teenagers...

When Detrah got back, she checked me and the baby again...and again, all was well. I was really glad that my labor was picking up, but it was really uncomfortable. As soon as contractions started intensifying, I noticed a big difference in these contractions and the ones that I had with Gavin. With Gavin's birth, being vocal was distracting to me. I was very "in myself", and quiet. This time I felt the need to be vocal. Mel was right there all the time, reminding me to relax my jaw and relax my mouth, and make low sounds. It helped. Trav and I decided to go for another walk. This time I was contracting every 2-3 houses! I had to stop walking and "slow dance" with Travis with contractions...there was no walking thru them. Trav explained to our 2-doors-down neighbor that I was in labor, as she laughed and said that she figured. She asked if we would be going to the hospital soon. No, we're having him at home. That was her next question, she said, then wished us luck as we waddled along. Our mail lady saw us on the next street over. When she reached our house, I was sitting at the desk with my head in my hands...she rang the doorbell and talked to Travis for a minute, then also wished us luck and headed on her way. My favorite place to be was sitting in this very chair at the desk in front of the computer. When I had a contraction, I stood and leaned on the nearest person or the desk in front of me, rocking and moaning away. Lots of drinking water, tried a graham cracker and almost vomited. Food = bad idea. They got me a barf bucket. I labored on. Detrah asked if I felt ready to get in the water. Not yet, I said. I didn't want to get too relaxed like with Gavin's birth. I was on a roll, and didn't want it to slow down again!

At around 4:30, I had a couple of really rough contractions, accompanied by more dry heaving. As I stood and leaned on a person, my legs were actually shaking with the intensity of the contractions. During one, I heard the door open but didn't think anything of it. When I looked up after that contraction was done, I saw Alex looking at me, the other midwife who works with Detrah. "Oh, hi!" was my only greeting, as I sat down and resumed my position at the desk with my head in my hands. After the next one, I announced that I was ready for the water. I had asked Travis a couple of weeks ago to get a hose ready for attaching to the sink to fill the birth pool. He said after the fact that he didn't know what got into him, but he went out the front door and brought in the hose attached to the outside spigot! He got three blank stares from three bewildered women, then Detrah said "We need HOT water." Travis said "I knew that!" and went and got the other hose from the backyard and brought it in. For the record, the high was in the 50's that day! By about 4:45, the La Bassine was filled and I got in. It felt SO good! I remember saying "Oh, Lord have mercy!" with a huge sigh of relief. But OH, did labor pick up! Sitting in the tub felt miserable, so I leaned over the side of the tub instead, which felt only slightly less miserable. I just cannot get over how different this labor felt...like bone on bone, not necessarily more painful, just more intense. As I leaned over the side, Trav and Mel were right there, reminding me to relax, to breathe, to make low sounds...all things that I needed reminding of.

Since my water had broken, I hadn't had my cervix checked at all. But somewhere around 5 pm, I said something along the lines of "Against all reason and practicality, do you think you could check me? I said I didn't want to know, but I'm not sure how much longer that I can do this." I got a couple of chuckles, and a check. I was 9 with a lip. I was given some arnica to help with any possible swelling. A little while later, another doppler check of the baby, who was still doing great. Around 5:35, another contraction came, and what started as a low moan ended up as me yelling "PUSHING!!!" Now, I don't know if it was because of his positioning, or because of a cumulative effect of herbs or what, but WOW. I had one pushing contraction, a brief break, then what seemed like the longest contraction ever. Voices around me told me not to push unless I was having a contraction and to bring the energy down, but it felt like one never-ending contraction, and I told them so. I'd push and breathe and push and breathe, yelling while pushing, Trav telling me in a slightly panicked voice to breathe...I wanted to tell him that if I was making sound then I had oxygen, so don't worry, but I couldn't talk...just breathe, then push and yell. I could feel him moving down, but it seemed like it was taking forever. I asked if his head was out yet...he was crowning. There was no "ring of fire" or anything like that. It all seemed to be happening so slowly yet so quickly and I didn't want to tear but it felt like back-to-back contractions and the only thing that made sense to do was to keep vocalizing to keep from holding my breath and pushing with all I had...that might slow things down. About 10 minutes into pushing, his head was out and I had a break in the contractions. Hallelujah! Then one more contraction...a quick move to my hands and knees...I thought one push would do it, but nope. Without even thinking, I went to a half-crouch like kneeling a la Captain Morgan (left leg up felt totally wrong, but right leg up felt right, so I stayed that way), a push, a yell, and at 5:48pm voila!! Baby! I reached down and pulled him up out of the water, then sat leaning against the side of the tub. We did it! And he was beautiful! A full head of hair, Apgar of 10 right off the bat, gave couple of little cries, but then just looked at me. Love at first sight? Absolutely. Travis was a bit teary, the boys came in and checked out their brother and pronounced him "really cool". Gavin kept saying "Connor came out of your tummy?!" over and over again. A couple of minutes later my placenta separated, but it was a little stubborn in coming out. I took some herbs to help it come, then when the bleeding got to the point of making Detrah a little concerned, I got up and out of the water and headed to the bed. A lot of uterus massaging, a shot of pitocin in the leg, and about 15 minutes after Connor was born, our placenta came as well. After the family checked him out, Trav cut the cord and he snuggled up and started nursing. After he nursed on both sides, Detrah checked me and the bleeding status. Not a tear in sight!! I couldn't believe it!

Shortly thereafter, I took a shower and used the bathroom and then headed back to bed. I remember that strange, empty feeling and how weird it felt to just breathe without a baby in there. After I was settled in, Detrah did the newborn exam, which checked out just fine. He came in at 9 lbs, 10 oz and 20.5 inches long! Thank God for a baby under 10 lbs! While he was getting checked out, Mel heated up some shepherd's pie that I had made and made sure that I was eating and drinking and the rest of the family was fed. Then Connor came and laid on my chest to get warm while everyone finished cleaning the house. Before everyone left at around 8:30, Detrah came and sat on the bed and prayed with us, thanking God for a safe birth. So far, this has been my fastest and easiest recovery. Connor took right to nursing and we haven't had a single problem.

Looking back on this birth, it taught me a lot. Occasionally I get comments and questions asking why I choose to birth at home as long as the pregnancy is healthy. When I give my answer as to why we feel that it's the right choice for us, I almost always end my comment with the fact that each birth is as individual as the baby and the mom involved (and hence what works for me might not work for someone else). That really hit home to me this time. I think that I had sort of assumed that this birth would be even "better" than Gavin's...that I could tweak this and change that from last time and have a "perfect" birth. Well, it turned out to be just a totally different birth, individual in it's own right. Different baby, different position, different time in my life, different birth. With Gavin, I was in hard, active labor for what seemed like an eternity (only about 10 hours in reality). With Connor, labor was very stop-and-go for a majority of the time, and I was really in hard, active labor for only about 4 hours. I had practiced up on my Hypnobirthing, and it just wasn't feeling right this time. The bottom line...you just can't predict birth! I love the fact that his birth was different, though. I can't even compare it to my others, each one is very different. And I love the fact that I just trusted my body and did what felt right, be it vocalizing or position changes during pushing. Detrah said after the fact that he was a little "sticky" coming out, and I have no doubt in my mind that my feeling the need to change positions quickly was just my body telling me what to do to get him out safely. It's a good thing when you know that you can trust your baby, trust your body, and trust birth.

Of puppies and parvo...

2010-10-29T13:53:00.000-07:00

As I had mentioned in a previous post, Ziggy and Delilah had a litter of pups several months back. She had 8 puppies!! Four little boys and four little girls, with two of them looking very Australian Shepherd-ish, one looking like a true mash-up of the two dogs, and the other five looking like some variation of Ziggy...black with a random white marking or two. When the pups were about 4 weeks old, Delilah started acting differently. She wasn't eating much, and was acting tired. Postpartum depression? Worms? We didn't know what was going on, so we got some canned food to mix in with her dry and she ate more...then abruptly stopped eating a couple of days later. At the same point in time, she started ignoring her pups. Her pups started having really foul-smelling poop. We took her to the vet no knowing what to expect.

She had parvo. Apparently there had been a bout of parvo running around Fresno that was effecting an extraordinary number of dogs, both vaccinated and unvaccinated alike. The vet said that she had about a 50/50 chance if we did subcutaneous fluids every 4-6 hours and gave her medications. The pups, however, were a different story. He said we'd likely lose the whole litter, that they had already gotten it and they were too young for the shots anyway. He said we'd just have to sit back and watch as they died, or we could bring them all in to be put down. This was devastating news. We weren't sure to tell the boys as puppies started dying, or if Delilah died. We had to treat the yard, and do three separate quarantines: Delilah, Ziggy, and the pups. We had plastic totes all over the utility room, trying to separate the pups who were really acting sick from the ones who weren't. We called around to different societies and shelters for advice...was there anything that we could do? Put the pups down, they all said. There's nothing that I can do. I was defeated and angered at the same time. Surely there is SOMETHING that I could try!

I talked to a friend who is as into herbs and alternative remedies as any herbalist, and asked her advice. She steered me into a couple of directions as suggestions...she had an idea of what worked well on humans for intestinal ailments, but wasn't so sure about dogs. It gave me a little hope, though. In the meantime, the pups had been started on "puppy mush", essentially puppy food soaked in puppy formula and blended to the consistency of a thin pudding. They were eating a little, but it was hard on their weakened guts. I went to the local health food store and picked up a bottle of raw colostrum and started syringe-feeding the little buggers about every 4 hours, coming home on my lunch breaks to help my husband with the never-ending tasks of starting Delilah on her bag of fluids (he didn't like jabbing her with the needle...this is where being a nurse came in handy), giving her the medications, cleaning up the nasty parvo poo, starting a load of laundry to wash the blankets and towels that the pups were laying on, and feeding them.

A couple of days into the ordeal, I found a gentleman on the internet who had a similar experience as ours. He had given his pup turmeric. Yes, as in the spice found in curries, etc. I read about it in depth, investigated turmeric, then decided to give it a try. I went back to the health food store, picked up more colostrum, a bottle of turmeric capsules in the most pure form I could find, and went home. The ladies at the store were fabulous...one had lost her pup to parvo, and really took an interest in our situation. The capsules were large. I couldn't poke them down the pups throats. So I sterilized one of the needles from Delilah's fluids and used it to puncture the capsules. Then my husband would hold the pup, I'd squirt the turmeric (which was in an oil base) down its throat, then follow it quickly with the colostrum. My fingers were yellow for about two weeks...they looked like the fingers of a 40-year chain smoker. We gave turmeric to Ziggy just in case, even though he wasn't acting sick. We gave it to Delilah, who was so weak that she could barely lift her head. We thought we were going to lose her and the pups. She wasn't making urine for about two days...I was sure she was just shutting down. Then slowly she started turning around. She lifted her head. Then sat up for a minute. Then peed!! Her kidneys were working! The pups were starting to eat a little more mush, and the poo stopped smelling foul. There was no more blood in it. We were turning a corner!

We continued with the treatment plan...Delilah on her meds, fluids, and turmeric, Ziggy on prophylactic turmeric, and the pups on colostrum and turmeric 4-5 times/day along with the mush. After about a week, Delilah ate some boiled chicken and broth. The pups graduated to soaked kibble from mush. Everyone was alive, and about half of the litter was actually thriving. And my fingers were very, very yellow.

One of the shelters called us back to check on us after about a week and a half. We gave them the update, and they couldn't believe their ears...both mom and all eight pups had not just survived, but were doing great! They asked for the breakdown of what we did, and we told them. They were a no-kill shelter, and this was exactly the kind of thing they were looking for to try. Our vet called and asked if we lost the litter. We told him about the colostrum and turmeric, and he called it coincidence, then yelled at us and said "Don't you know you're not supposed to give dogs milk?!" We won't be going back to him. The ladies at the health food store said they'd pass it on to anyone who asked. Eventually we found homes for all but one of the pups, who we kept for ourselves. Delilah and all of the puppies made a full recovery!

It was a very, VERY long two weeks of treatment, sadness, frustration, then ultimately, triumph. We had defeated the odds by looking back to nature to heal. So if there is anyone out there who does a search for puppies and parvo, I hope you find this page and give the treatment a try. I was skeptical at first, but took the approach of "can't hurt, might help"...they were all on death's door with no options, so why not give it a try? And it worked!! Pass it on. Log it away in your memory in case it happens to your dog or a friend's pet. Here's the basic breakdown of what we did:

* Turmeric capsules, one per dose, 4-5 times per day until the stool is no longer bloody or diarrhea. Then decrease dosing to 3 times per day for at least a week. Linked is the turmeric we used.

* Raw colostrum, 10 ml, 4-5 times per day after the turmeric. Linked is the colostrum we used.

Hahaha...back from vacation??

2010-10-21T18:31:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I suck as a blogger here lately. I'm just so incredibly tired. I'll get my whining out and be done with it...I'm over 30 weeks pregnant now, working full-time, going to school full-time, and trying to relieve my hubby at home when I'm off. He works so hard trying to keep the house and kids under control and presentable, and I know it's a never-ending and thankless task. We're homeschooling this year, so I'm trying to help out with that when I'm not working, but the fact of the matter is that I need to do MY school! *sigh* Well, it's not forever. I just need to plow on through these next three years and think about my goal...midwifery.

So I'm in my first semester of school, working toward my Masters' then ultimately to be a CNM. It's really good, I'm just trying to balance it all and retain as much as possible. I LOVED our time at Frontier for orientation! I got to meet all of my classmates and teachers, and really appreciate the wealth of history behind the area and the school. It's truly amazing, and Mary Breckinridge was an amazing woman. I feel honored to be a part of the school.

Work is going well enough...I'm not doing the back-up supervisor thing anymore, so I'm back on the floor. I was also offered a "desk job" being the Neuroscience/Spine Center coordinator. I haven't accepted yet. It might be nice...less physically demanding, 8-hour days, weekends off. But do I want to deal with all of the politicking? It would be good for me in the long run...good for my resume, good experience for when I'm starting my own practice and/or birthing home. I just don't know if I want to expend the mental energy that I know it's going to require, get off the floor, etc. I like patient care. I don't know...I guess I'll make a decision soon.

I can't believe my baby is six years old!! He's such a sweet kiddo, and I'm truly blessed to be his mommy. Speaking of being a mommy, we found out that we're having another boy! We've chosen the name Connor. He's an active little guy, and we're looking forward to seeing him soon...my due date is right around Christmas. I found a wonderful midwife, Detrah Hele. She is a wonderful lady, and I'm so glad I found her! I'm at my every-two-week appointment stage now, and I enjoy seeing her more. I'm planning a homebirth this time around, and we'll have a birth pool as well. Whether or not he's born in the water will be a down-to-the-minute decision based on what feels right at the time, but I'm sure I'll be soaking in there for a while at the least. I've been bulking up my cloth diaper stash, selling the stuff that we didn't use much and buying more of what works for us, which seems to be BumGenius One-size and gdiapers with cloth inserts. Daddy likes them and will use them, so that's what we're going with. I've bought some wipes from my pal over at Stitches in Cotton to replace my worn-out and dog-chewed ones. I'm almost ready! Only think is that I think all of my newborn clothes are still in Florida. I'm going to have to have my family go check the storage unit for me and ship them if they're still there.

Our Delilah had a litter of pups several months back. We ended up keeping one, a little guy that the boys named Charlie Jack the Pirate Dog. No, I'm not kidding. That's his name. It's on his tag. The whole thing. But we just call him Charlie Jack. A few weeks after she gave birth, she and her whole litter came down with Parvo. I'll write a separate post about that, but the long and short of the story is that we used turmeric and cured them all! Only Delilah had antibiotics and IV fluids...she was near death's door when we took her to the vet, we just didn't know how sick she was! But that's another story for another time.

Homeschooling. Wow. I want to say kudos to my mom and every other homeschooling parent out there...this is no easy task, and he's only in first grade!! We have a throw-together curriculum that seems to be working nicely. We're using Math U See, Handwriting Without Tears, McGuffey Readers (which I learned to read from), and The Story of the World. I'm looking for a science curriculum that I like, then we'll have the bases covered. In the meantime, we're just doing it free-style. Deklan is taking very well to it, and does a great job most days. He mostly just has to learn to take his time and do things right the first time...he's a hurrier. Gavin is jumping in and learning a bit here and there, and he loves it! He's a smart little cookie, and we'll start kindergarten a bit early with him, starting next year. As it is he can say his ABC's, count to 14, and is tracing shapes and letters (not very well sometimes, but he sure tries!). Now Trav just needs to start school and we'll all be in learning mode!

Time to go make supper...I made a huge pot of gumbo and have eaten it three days in a row. As much as I like gumbo, I am not eating it four days in a row. :)

Back from my blogging vacation...

2010-06-25T17:44:00.000-07:00

I had to take a little time and refocus. I'm sure I wasn't missed much!!

An update from my last couple of posts...my Etsy shop is doing better than I thought it would, and I only have a couple of pieces left in it as of today. I need to get back to work! Also, Colleen as made a wonderful recovery! Something to be truly thankful for!

A few things have happened since I last posted. First, we found that we're expecting our third munchkin! I am currently 13w5d, and have just this week announced my pregnancy to the public. Something weird happens when you have a miscarriage...like no pregnancy is safe. I wanted to get past the point of my prior miscarriage, which was 9 weeks. I passed that, but still wasn't comfortable. Well, now that I'm a couple of days away from my second trimester, I figured it would be as good a time as any! I've contacted my midwife to make an appointment in the next couple of weeks. It's all starting to seem real. I've had a different pregnancy this time. I've had lots of exhaustion, quite a bit of nausea but with only one vomiting episode...the kicker is the migraines. I have had migraines several times a week and headaches every day. I normally get a migraine once or twice per month at the very most! So I've been a little dysfunctional.

About a week before I found out I was pregnant, I sent in my application for Frontier's Certified Nurse Midwife program. I've been talking about doing that for the longest time, but I finally DID IT. Whew! So, weeks of waiting and waiting ensued. Yesterday we took a little trip to Pier 39 in San Francisco to go to the aquarium with the boys and escape the Valley heat for a few hours. While we were there, my phone alarmed indicating a new email...it was from Frontier. I've gotten several emails since I sent in the package, some for updates, some with general info. This was my acceptance email!!!! I was one of the 25 blessed people to be accepted into the program this go-around! I fly to Kentucky the end of August to have the 3.5 day orientation, then back home to officially start school. Oh, my! I don't know what to think! I'm so excited and a little nervous, and now wondering how this pregnancy will play into things...I guess we'll have to wait and see. But in the meantime, I am overall totally STOKED. I can say that I'm working toward my dream!

At work, things are plugging away. The economy has chipped away at our floor. We've lost staff to layoffs. We've had hours cut and pay cut. But we still have jobs, hurray for that! We're just waiting for things to come full circle, as they always eventually do. I had applied for a supervisory position on my unit some time back, but the person who I would have been replacing decided to stay. So I was placed on the "farm team", filling in when supervisors are on vacation or in meetings and so on. One of the supervisors is going on maternity leave in a week or so, and I'll be taking her place. It's a different world in that office! It's been a long time since I've been in a supervisory position, and this unit is far different from the one that I supervised back in 2004! But it's good experience and I'd like to think that I could do a good job. We'll see how it goes.

I guess that's about it for updates. I have a headache so I think I need to stop staring at a screen. But now that the cats are out of their bags, I'm sure I'll be on a bit more. Wish me luck!

Please...

2010-03-10T19:12:00.000-08:00

...go check out my Etsy shop! I know it's not much to look at, and my inventory is quite small for now, but I'm going to be adding a little more and it's for a good cause! See my previous post for information on the family who will be getting the proceeds from anything I sell. I've made a couple of sales, and I'd like to make several more before I send off a check. Go have a looky, and if you don't find anything you like, feel free to request something custom! My shop is called All Things Birthy, and will have a bit more than pendants after a little while! Thanks for stopping by!

Announcing...drumroll...

2010-03-05T01:30:00.000-08:00

...my Etsy shop! It's called All Things Birthy and is quite small at the moment. I wasn't going to open my shop yet, since I have so many ideas but SO LITTLE time, and I wanted to build my inventory and have some variety. I'm limited to necklaces and pendants at the moment, however there are several other non-jewelry items to come. The reason I started it up anyway was because of the Augsburger family. I've never met them, but they come from the community into which my second son was born, and anyone from there I hold dear to my heart. You can read about their story on Born In Sarasota's page. Colleen is home now and on IV antibiotics, but her husband is still having to take care of her and the kids and is unable to begin working again for at least a month. The folks back home have been bringing them food and pumped breastmilk for their new babe, holding fundraisers, etc. I have been wishing that there was something I could do. However, being pretty broke myself didn't really help and I couldn't bring anything...but wait! I have my clays...I have some ideas...true, I may not have everything together yet, but it's a start...I could open my shop! So I did. It's a humble beginning. But whatever money that comes in from sales will be passed down the line to the Augsburgers until otherwise noted on my shop's intro. So go have a sneaky peek. You might like something. If you don't like the color, ask for a custom piece. If you don't like anything, buy it anyway...it's going to a good cause!! I'm just kidding, but you catch my drift. After you pay a visit, let me know what you think. Should I change anything? Does my work suck? I know my picture quality is pretty crappy, but I'm going to work on that. Any other ideas?

Spring has sprung!

2010-03-03T17:24:00.000-08:00

Well, not quite, according to the calendar, but it sure looks like it around here!

The mint is coming up in the front beside the porch...

...as are the dandelions in the front and in the planter in the back yard...

...and we have a tree just full of kumquats in the front yard! I guess it's time to make a little jam or jelly!

The peach tree in the back yard just started blooming as well, but I'll have to get some pics of that another day.

Spring, to me, means new beginnings and fresh starts. In light of that, I'm starting a project that I've been batting around for a while now. Once it's all ready, I'll post it on here. Yep, I'll hold you in suspense until then! Travis is en route home from Florida with a truck and trailer loaded with our stuff...I can't wait to have some of my "housey" stuff back! There is still some stuff back in FL, but we'll have about 2/3 of it here. Not bad!

Another giveaway!

2010-02-16T11:25:00.000-08:00

This giveaway is for a Simple Wishes bra/bustier, specially designed for hands-free pumping! My pumping days have gone for Deklan and Gavin, but boy, do I wish I had one of these when I was doing it at least three times daily at work! I pumped at work for both of my boys, as I worked the night shift and went back to work after six weeks. Pumping for me was always on my breaks...my two 15 minute breaks and my lunch for 30 minutes...which generally meant that I either didn't eat at all for lack of time (when all I had was a manual pump), or scarfed my meal as fast as I could after pumping for my babe (after I got my Medela...woohoo for mechanical pumps!). Pumping was what allowed our breastfeeding relationships to thrive even though I was at work, and I ended up breastfeeding Deklan for over a year and Gavin for almost two years. Anyway, I believe that this would allow for easier and more discrete pumping at work and at home, as well as enabling you to multi-task. I remember the days of driving and hour or two home from a night shift in traffic and attempting to pump one side at a time in the rush-hour crawl. With this, I could have just hooked up before driving away, pushed the button, and pumped away! I am really glad to have found out about this. I had looked into pumping bras when I was pumping for Gavin, but just never found one that looked sturdy or comfortable enough. I even looked into DIY conversion patterns, and never did it. I know that, should God bless us with another little one (and I hope He does!!), I'll be getting one of these for my back-to-work and back-to-school days! Thank you, Talk Birth, for getting this giveaway out there!

Birth Days...

2010-01-22T23:12:00.001-08:00

Ahhhh...eggs. Simple fare, good source of protein, versatile. And in my case, gorgeous!! I mean, aren't they just pretty? I get my eggs from a local lady whose young daughter is learning about money and savings. And meanwhile, I get these beauties for $2.50 per dozen! And what's really awesome is that I know that the hens they came from are well-cared-for, organically fed (mostly fruits from their orchard and veggies from the garden, plus the standard bugs, etc. that free-range hens eat), generally happy birds.

Seriously, does it get any better than this? The boys are really tickled about the blue-ish ones...

Speaking of the boys...one of my boys had a birthday today!!

My sweet, crazy little Gavin turned two years old on this day!

I love to look at pictures and read over his birth story and remember that awesome time in our lives. Where has the time gone? One moment his daddy is holding him for the first time, then *blink* he's running around the yard in his big brother's hand-me-downs, chasing the dogs and loving life.

I thank God for every day with my boys. Life is so fragile...we've seen this in our own lives and in the lives of others around us. There are days that they drive me to the brink of insanity, but I wouldn't trade those days for the world...I'm just so glad that they're here and they've been lent to me for a while...I cherish every day.

P.S. I won the afore-mentioned book giveaway for "Birth Space, Safe Place"! Woohoo! It's the first time I've ever won a giveaway!!

It's giveaway time!

2010-01-15T22:35:00.000-08:00

Talk Birth, the personal blog of Molly (one of the ladies over at Citizens for Midwifery) is hosting a giveaway! We all love free stuff, and if you're even half as crazy as I am about anything even remotely having to do with birth, then you just might be interested! The book is called "Birth Space, Safe Place", and is about emotional well-being in pregnancy and birth. I know that, for me, there were a few things that played big roles in my emotional well-being during that time...the first few that come to mind are having family that were supportive of me, having a midwife who I trusted implicitly, and the overall sense of peace brought by being "in charge" of my pregnancy and labor this time and being educated about the options in birth. Even if I don't win the giveaway, I will be planning on getting this book for my library. I think that a lot of people either discount or don't realize how much your emotional state has so much to do with your progression in labor. I'll be interested to read it...and I LOVE the cover art!

We're famous!

2010-01-08T23:15:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! Gavin's birth story has been featured in Born in Sarasota, a blog dedicated to all things birthy and that share birth stories of babies born under the watchful and loving eyes of the wonderful midwives in the Sarasota area. My midwife, Harmony Miller of Rosemary Birthing Home, touched my life in a very unique way. She not only took care of Gavin and me during pregnancy, labor, and after birth, but also challenged me as a person and introduced me to a new and wonderful world of cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, etc. Deklan's birth was very special...he was my firstborn, born healthier than we could have ever hoped with his heart problems, and one of the few loves of my life. I had wanted to have him in a birthing home, specifically The Birth Cottage, which was near the place that I lived at the time. Wanna know something crazy?? Harmony actually apprenticed at that very place, and was there at about the same time as I would have been there for Deklan! Anyway, shortly after I had contacted the midwife there, I found out that Deklan would be born at a hospital due to a congential heart deformity. His birth, though very special, left me feeling a bit violated and left to the mercy of "the system". I vowed that, barring health problems, it would be different for the babies following him. Harmony helped me to fulfill that vow. She also inspired me to go back to school. I had been wanting to be a L&D nurse since I was in nursing school, I had just never gone in that direction. But after Gavin was born, I was just left thinking "If I could do for just one woman what Harmony did for me, I'd be the happiest woman alive!" I knew I had to go back to school. We discussed the different aspects of midwifery, and she introduced me to Frontier. As far as attachment parenting goes, it was all stuff that I felt was right, but it just seemed so removed from everything that I'd known that I really never delved into it. If I could, I'd go back to Florida just to have my next babe with Harmony!

So read the story if you'd like. Beware, it has pictures! I only wish that every person who reads this story could read it and remember it with the same love and respect that I had, for my baby, my body, my family, and my midwife. Thanks again, Harmony. It was an honor to have you as our midwife!

A new year!

2010-01-07T19:29:00.000-08:00

Hurray for new years and new beginnings! I have a few things that I'm happy about, a few things that I'm sad about, and several things I'm anticipating already this year...

I'm anticipating starting school this year. A co-worker and myself have decided to try a seven on/seven off schedule. Yes, seven 12-hour days in a row is a lot, but it's honestly not a lot different than what I've been doing. This last week of work was 3 on, 1 off, 3 on, 1 off, 2 on. How is seven in a row going to be much different than that? I think having a week off every other week will "give me my life back"...you know, give me time to be a wife and mom and do some of the crafty things that I like to do, etc. If it really helps and I find that it's working, I'm going to go ahead and turn in my application to Frontier.

I'm anticipating losing weight and getting healthier. Another lady at work and myself have put together a "Biggest Loser" competition on our floor. We have already had over a dozen people sign up! We're going to all pitch in $30 for an initial buy-in, then $10 per month for the duration of the competition. The $30 is going to pool together to be the grand prize, and the $10/month is going to be for a monthly first, second, and third place winner. I think we all need a little incentive and motivation! There are all types of people joining, and I think it's great! It's going to be for four months. I don't plan on doing anything drastic, just healthier eating and being more active. Wish us luck!

I'm anticipating having another baby this year. Well, I'm hopeful, anyway! The date that would have been my due date for the little one that we lost is less than a month away. I'm hopeful that losing some weight will help me get pregnant. Deklan prays every night for a baby sister, without my prompting and without us even talking about babies...he just wants one! He's such a sweetie.

I'm happy for my family entering this year healthy, together, and happy! We all have our bad days, but as a whole, our family is awesome.

I'm happy for a friend of mine, who is now about four months pregnant after having three early losses in one year! My heart broke for her as it did mine, knowing the loss that she felt and that compounded twice more...it was a definite answer to my prayer (and hers!) and I'm so thankful for it!

I'm sad for my best friend, Lolo. Her husband's father went to heaven today after having a massive stroke a couple of days ago. It was due to a bleed in the brain, caused by high blood pressure that he didn't even know he had. He was a healthy guy in his 60's, and nobody saw it coming. That brings to mind a couple of things for me. Check your blood pressure often. A physical once or twice a year may not be enough to detect an abnormal blood pressure. High blood pressure is known as "the silent killer"...most people have no symptoms at all until they have a stroke. Also, don't wait to get saved. Thankfully, Mr. Breaker was a fellow believer and nobody who knew him doubts where he is right now, worshipping at the throne of God, happier than he ever was on this earth. But there are people who think that they can wait until "later" to learn about eternity and salvation. They're young. They're healthy. They have time. But there are so many "what ifs"! You could be in an accident. You could have a stroke or a heart attack as a young person. You never know. Please, please consider eternity and where you'll be!

I know that this year will hold lots of ups and downs, hopefully more ups than downs! Happy New Year to everyone!

One of Trav's favorite quotes...

2009-12-05T15:14:00.000-08:00

"A good wife is heaven's last best gift to man; his angel and minister of graces innumerable; his gem of many virtues; his casket of jewels; her voice his sweet music; her smiles his brightest day; her kiss the guardian of his innocence; her arms the pale of his safety, the balm of his health, the balsam of his life; her industry, his surest wealth; her economy, his safest steward; her lips, his faithful counselors; her bosom, the softest pillow of his cares; and her prayers, the ablest advocates of heaven's blessings on his head." ~ Jeremy Tayor, 1613-1667

I tie-dyed my sheets...

2009-11-10T22:05:00.000-08:00

...and they're AWESOME! Forgive the less-than-stellar quality of a couple of the pics...they were taken on my phone at night!

~ Pillowcases

~ Fitted sheet...and Jasmine getting flashbanged...

~ Flat sheet

~ Everything put together!

I was going for a moderate shade of purple...darker than lavender but not too dark. I committed a cardinal sin in the dyeing world and didn't test the color before I took the plunge. But hey, I'm not too picky and this set didn't have to match anything, so I didn't really care. I just did random circles in random sizes and used Rit dye in the washing machine. Minimal effort, great results! Oh, and the sheets were on clearance from Wal-Mart for $15, 100% cotton flannel, perfect for the cool weather we're having!

The seasons change...

2009-11-09T11:22:00.000-08:00

...with or without us! Do you ever look back at time...the last few weeks, months, years? Where did they go? What did you do in that time? Somehow I find myself toward the end of 2009. Next month we will have been in Fresno for a year, in Cali for almost a year and a half. I think about these things as family members who haven't seen my kids for the last year or so comment on how grown up they look in pictures and how they sound on the phone, and as people that I know continue to grown, age, and go thru life. I look at people around me, my peers, and can't believe that we're almost 30 (not that that's a bad thing!). My brother will be 30 in a few weeks. My sis is serious about her guy and we're hoping for a summer wedding (*wink, wink, nudge, nudge Janna!!*). My little sister who was two years old when she was a flower girl in my wedding is now ten years old!

Another thing that made me think of the passage of time, the waxing and waning of the seasons, was a friend's loss of her 2 1/2 year old son. Silas fought a hard battle with cancer, and left this world November 1st. His mom's blog chronicles his life, illness, and death. Our lives are so short, likened to a vapor in the Bible. We're here one moment and gone the next. Our lives are simply a drop in the bucket of time. Some lives are much shorter than others, like our little one and Silas, who were here for such a short time. But no matter how long we're here, each one of us is here long enough to fulfill our purpose. That's something that I am constantly pondering...my purpose. Oh, I know what I'm here for, as far as the broad spectrum of things. But my day to day life, every thing that I do in every moment...does it have purpose? The time that I spend every day, with my family or with my coworkers and patients...is it spent purposefully? Am I spending my time wisely? Do I make each moment count? I see areas that could use improvement, areas that could benefit from improved focus on purpose. I work with a girl who just came back from maternity leave following the birth of their second child. She apparently read some of my blog, pulled me aside one day recently, and asked me why I'm working on the Neuro floor. At first I had no idea why she was asking this...did I seem unhappy? Then she said that she read my blog and was wondering why I wasn't in L&D! Turns out that she wants to be an L&D nurse as well. I explained my rationale for not requesting a transfer yet, but her question left me asking myself questions. One thing is for sure, I need to get my application in for school. I wasn't able to start the winter term because the trip to Kentucky for the start of school would have fallen during a family reunion. But spring...ah, spring has such potential! And I can't wait to start school again, to have drive behind research. I've been wanting to start doing more research-type posts...I'm a statistic/fact and figure fiend...but I find myself being in the mood more to contemplate than to study.

So, I found a CSA that suits our needs quite well! For those not familiar, "CSA" stands for "Community Supported Agriculture". It's a great way to support your local farmers, know where your food came from, and buy locally and in season. Some CSA's require that the members spend x-amount of time working on the farm (not much, but enough to acquire an appreciation of your food and where it came from), others don't. Some deliver, others require pick-up. The one that we chose is called "The Farmer and the Dale" (the farmer's name is Dale). I find myself unable to make it to the farmer's market very often, as I work every Saturday and most Wednesdays, the days on which the market is open. So, with this CSA, it's like the farmer's market coming to your door! I also found a source of fresh chicken and duck eggs. I was hoping for true free-range, but the coyotes here are so bad that it's virtually impossible...they snatch chickens in broad daylight!! The family who raises the chickens, though, keep them as pets. They live in huge pens where they can roam safely, eat off of the farm and orchard that the family also keeps, and are not forced to lay year-round. Thus, we have to wait till spring is closer until we can get some eggs as they only produce a few eggs during the winter. But they've invited us over to have a look at the farm and the other animals, and allow the boys to collect a few eggs so they can really appreciate where the eggs are coming from. Now, to find a good local source of dairy! I'm pretty sure that there's a farm near here, I just have to research it out a little bit. I want to know if I can get it straight from the farm instead of from Whole Foods, where's it's twice as expensive. One thing that I have gotten hooked on since moving out here is St. Benoit Yogurt. It is SO GOOD. Our local Whole Foods just stopped carrying it, though...so now I have to find a way to get it. Maybe I can bring a cooler every time we go to San Francisco and do a pick-up!

Has it been that long?

2009-10-28T19:48:00.000-07:00

Wow...it's been a while since I've been on here! I've been at work more than usual, for one. Myself and three other nurses from my floor were asked to attend the Central California Critical Care Consortium two days per week for five weeks. This is the last week and tomorrow is the last day of the consortium. I learned a lot, but I have to admit that I'll be happy when it's back to life as usual. Besides that, though, it's really just been life keeping me busy. It seems like there are never enough hours in the day to get the things done that I'd like to accomplish. I have my regular ol' housework (like the three baskets of laundry on the dining room table that are staring at me as I type), plus my ever-growing list of projects that need either starting or finishing. I have a couple of crochet projects to finish, pillows to sew for the sofa (out of a fabulous piece of material that I got on sale at Joann), an ottoman to recover, and end table to sand and paint, and a skirt to sew. The end table was a curbside trash find. Twice yearly in Fresno, each block has a time when they can put almost anything at the curb to get trashed. Most of it is really garbage, but some things are nice and useable, things that you look at and think "Now what is THAT doing on the curb?" Anyway, this little piece is EXACTLY what I've been looking for to use for our bedroom. With some sanding and paint, it should be beautiful! Also scored at the curbside was a recliner and reclining loveseat set. We had been scavenging craigslist for the last couple of months trying to find a loveseat or futon for the TV room. Well, here was one free on the curb! They're khaki microfiber, and were disgustingly filthy but functional and in otherwise good shape. So we threw one in the van and went back for the other and brought them home. Three bottles of alcohol (good for cleaning microfiber in case you didn't know...it doesn't leave those unsightly water rings), a half-bottle of Febreeze (it smelled a bit like chicken grease), and a LOT of elbow grease plus a neck cramp later, we have two very nice, clean, functional, good-smelling pieces of furniture! The loveseat is in the TV room and the recliner is in the living room. It is almost exactly the same as our set, so it blends in nicely. And you can't beat free!

I have to say, one great thing about living in California is the variety of produce that is grown locally. People bring everything from plums to persimmons to pomegranates to work off of their trees because they have more than their family can use. I love pomegranates! Even Trav likes them, which is amazing because he rarely tries anything new. So yummy, sweet with just the right amount of tart, and loaded with healthy benefits!

We added to our family this month! We adopted Delilah, a little Australian Shepherd/Queensland mix puppy! We were going to name her "Roxy", but when we met her she didn't look like a "Roxy", so she went nameless for a time. Then Trav pipes up and says jokingly "We should name her 'Delilah', since you pressed me daily to get her...hahaha." I looked at her and said "That's perfect!" He thought I was kidding, but it really suits her. So, Delilah it is, Lilah for short. She is super mellow and gets along great with the kids and Ziggy. Ziggy is so everlastingly patient with her. I looked out the window to the back yard a couple of days ago to see Lilah hanging from Zig's upper lip by her puppy teeth, and he just had this patient look on his face as if he was thinking "Surely she can't hold on forever..." She housebroke fairly quickly as soon as she got the hang of the doggy door. She's already obeying basic commands and is a sharp little critter. We're so glad to have her!

I'm pouting today. Wanna know why?? Because Ina May Gaskin is going to be in Sarasota, that's why. Ina May Gaskin is a midwife, authoress, and all-around amazing lady. Born in Sarasota's Laura Gilkey outlines her schedule while she's in town, in case anyone out there reading is in the area and doesn't already know about her visit. What I wouldn't give to be there...

Nighty night time.

My buddy is on Etsy!

2009-09-08T15:59:00.000-07:00

Attention, oh mothers who are looking to natural fibers and away from synthetics!! My friend, Danielle (you can call her Dee), is a WAHM in Louisiana. She tells her story in her fledgling blog of how she got started on Etsy. Her inventory is small as she begins this journey, but she is taking custom orders as well, so it's taking a little longer to build an inventory. Everything that she makes is 100% cotton. She knits, she crochets, and she sews...she's supermom! If you have a minute, please take the time to visit her Etsy store. If you're in need of some of her wares, I'm sure she would appreciate the business. Introducing, for the very first time...::drumroll::...Stitches in Cotton!!

My September...

2009-09-05T00:18:00.001-07:00

This is going to be a good month. I just have a feeling about it. It's starting off well, and, well...I guess I just have high hopes. This month brings my 28th birthday, as well as my husband's 33rd and my Dad and Mom's ::not telling:: birthdays. I'm terrible at remembering birthdays, so if I forget, I'm sorry! I love you and I'm thinking about you and I remember NOW...does that count? My first boyfriend had his birthday in September (the 29th...our parents used to celebrate our birthdays together, as mine is the 26th). My late grandmother's birthday is also in September. I never got to meet her. September brings the change in seasons, the cooling of fall, and for us in California, the hope of rain soon, as water supplies are dwindling and forest fires are raging. The days are getting shorter, and soon the time will be changing. I like September.

Pics from Jason & Amber's wedding, August 2009

2009-08-30T16:54:00.001-07:00

So, here are some pics from the wedding...it was truly beautiful! Here is the original Dempsey clan, Scott, Travis, Jason, Janet, and Jay Dempsey.

Trying to keep the kiddos occupied before the ceremony...two of my favorite guys on earth!

Deklan was ring-bearer. Here he is with the flower-girl, Bryce. They have a crush on each other. Deklan came to me the other day and said "Mommy, do you remember Bryce?" I said "Yes, honey...she was the flower-girl in J-bo's wedding." He said "Yeah...I love Bryce." Awww!

First kiss as husband and wife...you go J-bo and Ambo!

Linked for life, and they've got the rings to prove it!

The new and improved Dempsey clan! Congrats, you guys...may you stay lovebirds your whole lives...

My peaches! Someone stole my peaches!

2009-08-16T17:47:00.000-07:00

Not really. While we were gone, the squirrels lit into my peaches on the tree and almost all of them are destroyed or stolen! There are peach pits lining my fence. That wouldn't have happened with Ziggy patrolling the yard, for sure! The weather is starting to feel a little more fall-ish here, with overcast skies today. I have to spend a day in the yard sometime next week to do some weeding. Trav and the boys are going to help with some of the garden preparations, and this fall he is going to build me my compost bin. Yay! I'm already planning what's going to go into the garden for the spring.

Ziggy is on a chewing spree, the little beast. He is now eating clothes! I don't know what to do...we're going to have to keep him put up at night and completely supervised during the day. Right now he's chewing contentedly on a Kong filled with peanut butter...we give him good things to chew, so why does he still eat our stuff?

While roaming Nana's gardens, I had a great idea. She has her gardens separated off with bricks. She also has stepping stones made of cement with each of the family's names drawn into the cement while it was still wet, decorative stones and pieces of glass pressed into the cement, etc. Now, to combine the two ideas. When I have my birthing home/home birth practice, I want to have each family decorate a brick however they like...with the baby's date of birth, family members names, painting, etc., to border my garden/the garden at the birthing home. It would be a really cool memory, I think. Thoughts? Ideas?

You know, when I was on my trip, I got some disapproving looks and comments when some of my family members found out that I'm still breastfeeding Gavin. I'm actually getting ready to wean him, I think, but that's beside the point. I just don't know why people get so uptight about nursing a toddler. I don't know why they think it is excessive or unnatural or obscene. And I don't know why they think it's their business to disapprove in the first place! Why don't people research things out a little bit when they have a problem with something? Taken directly from the World Health Organization's website, this the summary of their stance on length of time to breastfeed: "exclusive breastfeeding for the first six months of life is the recommended way of feeding infants, followed by continued breastfeeding with appropriate complementary foods for up to two years or beyond." So then why do people have such a problem? For starters, it is recommended that an infant be EXCLUSIVELY breastfed for the first six months. No water, no juice, no watered-down cereal, no baby food, no Cheerios, JUST BREASTMILK. Most mothers are told (by their OB, pediatrician, mother, sister, who knows?) that they should try to nurse for six months, a year at most, then wean. Pediatricians sometimes recommend supplementation with sugar water, etc. Why? And then, the mother who nurses her toddler gets looks and words of disapproval for trying to give their child the best start, the start that has benefits that have been shown to be evident even through adulthood! And why do women not get told about the WHO recommendation to nurse for up to two years or beyond? Because the pediatricians get visitors from formula vendors? Because they get all kinds of benefits and goodies if they recommend them to their patients? In a healthcare provider's vow to "do no harm", I, as a nurse, take that a step further...to strive to not only do no harm, but to also try to achieve the best possible result for my patient. I won't go so far as to say that formula harms...after all, it is the only choice for some! But if a doc were trying to achieve the best possible result for their patient, why would they advise a new mother to only nurse for six months or a year, then abruptly wean? Support that nursing momma! Cheer her on! Tell her to nurse for as long as she's able! Try to give that baby the best possible start in life in order to see the best possible result in adulthood! Now, all of this being said, I know that some mothers cannot nurse, cannot exclusively nurse, or cannot nurse for that long. Sometimes their milk dries up in spite of every effort to keep their supply. Sometimes their baby just isn't gaining weight properly and they have to supplement. Sometimes they just make a choice not to...and that's their business and not mine. My biggest issue is being an informed consumer. I have mentioned before how I encourage this to my patients and to family members who ask me medical questions. Their job is to learn and know, and make educated decisions. If they are educated and still make a different decision than I would, so be it. But to be misinformed and make a decision based on misinformation, or to just "go with" something because that's what other people around them have done, well, I feel that's just not right. It's not right in the hospital setting, in the physician-patient relationship, or in a mother's choice of what to put into their child. In Christian circles, we talk about how, yes, it's great to have a pastor to listen to and to hear preach, but you simply can't take his word for everything! You need to read, to study, to search "to see whether these things were so", right? So why should it be any different in life? Even people with the best intentions can be wrong. We're all human. We make mistakes. We misconstrue things. So when it comes to important decisions, be it nursing or surgery or what kind of food you put on your plate, be an educated consumer.

Well, I was going to do some heavy-duty cleaning around here today, but the kids are napping and a blog-vent spontaneously popped up, so I guess a basic clean and a few loads of laundry will have to do!

Weddings, tornadoes and jet lag, oh my!

2009-08-16T09:45:00.000-07:00

Wow! Talk about an exhausting last month or so! We've done so many things and been so many places that I haven't had time to sit and write out the stories of my life! I'll try to pick up where I left off.

So, around the middle of July, officially moved into the house! I am totally stoked, and so is the rest of our family. We have plenty of room and a big backyard. Before we moved in, we cleaned and got things prepared. Then, before we started moving stuff in, we went from room to room throughout the entire house and asked for cleansing and blessing in that room. You never know what's gone on in a place, you know! Then we burned three sticks of incense symbolizing peace, safety, and growth in our home. We figure that we'll be here for a while, so we wanted a good start! We now have all of our "Cali stuff" here, but we have yet to make the trip back to Florida to retrieve the rest of our stuff. Most things still need to be unpacked and organized, which I'm getting to little by little as I have the time.

At work, I still have my orientee working with me, and was recently told by my boss that they're giving him a 6-month probationary period. He was 6 weeks with another preceptor, and has been about 2 months with me, so his time is drawing near. Then I'm going to have to make the assessment as to whether or not he is safe to practice on the floor. *sigh* Me no likey. I did, however, have the opportunity to have a few minutes of fame at work...I was approached by a person who does video clips for the hospital website asking if I'd do a little blurb. With everything edited, it'll be about 2 minutes long. Anyhoo, they're starting a "Green Living" section, and she wanted me to do a tutorial of my t-shirt yarn. So, I brought my scissors and a tie-dyed shirt that I picked up on sale at a local thrift store to work and did my tutorial. I can't wait to see how it turns out!

I've been off of work for two weeks now, as we had a trip to Michigan and Ohio. Trav's brother was getting married, and I took that as an opportunity to spend some time with my mom, who was just 6 hours from where they were getting married. So we flew into Grand Rapids, spent a day with my Mom, drove to Ohio where Trav was the best man and Deklan was the ring bearer in the wedding, then back to Michigan for a little less than a week to visit my family a little bit more. So, we drove to Las Vegas (a 6 hour trip from here) because we got super-cheap tickets from there. I suppose that was offset, though, by the last-minute discovery of a hole in one of the tires on the van...since the tread was worn on all of them, we just decided to get new tires since they were needed anyway. The flight was horrific, the boys misbehaved the entire time, but thankfully there was a very understanding family sitting behind us with kids about our kids' ages. We got to Michigan and Mom and Kyleah picked us up. They had made a really nice "spare room" in the basement for us with a bed, a toddler bed, and a port-a-crib. Plus it was the coolest room in the house! I have to say that the humidity hit me like a ton of bricks...its been over a year now since I've had to deal with humidity. But everything was GREEN!! It's so brown and dead here in the summer in Fresno. Everything is dead and dry unless you water the bejeebers out of it, and even then there are city ordinances that tell you when you can and can't water due to drought. Anyway, the day after we arrived there, we rented a car and drove another 6 hours to Lebanon, OH for Jason and Amber's wedding. We stayed at Amber's grandparents house again (we stayed there for J-bo's graduation), which was awesome. The McKeehan's are some of the most hospitable people that I've ever met. First night there was the bachelorette party, which was fun! We went to The Claddagh, an Irish pub and grill first for dinner. We were going to go catch a movie, but we had such fun talking over dinner that we missed it. So then we went to have a Rockband tournament at J-bo and Amber's house, but my in-laws were still there (Janet is painting and decorating the house). So then we went to Wal-Mart and had a scavenger hunt, which was actually pretty hilarious. Then we were all tired so we decided to disband and go home. I got into the house and went upstairs...and couldn't open the door! I thought that Trav had locked the door, forgetting that I was out. So I sat in front of the door for a long time, waiting for Gavin to start crying for his nightly nursing. Finally, I was leaning against the door and jiggled the handle and the door popped open! It wasn't locked, it was swollen shut from the humidity! The next day was a whirlwind of preparation, getting programs ready, etc. Then we had the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner. We sat at a table at the dinner with Scott and Janet's brother Larry, and had a really good time. Then came the day of the wedding! Tuxes were rented and people were frantic. I got myself ready, then went to J-bo's house with the boys to help them get ready. Then off to the wedding site for pictures. This was an outdoor wedding beside a pond with a toddler and a kindergartener in a rented tux, mind you. Stressful is not even the right word! Add that to the fact that Gavin is cutting 3 teeth all at once and is extremely fussy. The wedding was beautiful! The site for the wedding was behind Amber's cousin's house which had a big red barn, a silo, the pond, and a cornfield behind it. There was a big tent beside the ceremony area for the reception. The food was excellent, and the atmosphere was beautiful! I, unfortunately, did not get to enjoy it as much as I would have liked due to the child situation. There were tablecloths to be yanked and candles to be tipped over, children running toward the pond in the dark, etc. A little girl caught the bouquet and a teenager on crutches caught the garter. I've never seen a guy hop on one leg so quickly before!! Then we sent the happy couple off through an aisle of sparklers (it was dark when they drove off), who found it difficult to drive away with the front end of the car up on a jack! After the jack was removed, they drove off to Jason's house, then a hotel for the night, then off to their honeymoon in Hawaii in the morning. We had breakfast with the family in the morning, then took back off for Michigan. We arrived after dinner that night, then settled in for our visit. On Sunday we went to church with the family and my brother's family, then to Nana's house for a group birthday celebration. Nana is my step-dad's mother, and Grampy (Grandpa Gary to us older kids) is her husband. Nana and Grandpa Gary have the most beautiful gardens! We celebrated a great-aunt, uncle, cousin, cousin-in-law, and Deklan's birthdays. We had a great pot-luck lunch out in the backyard overlooking the gardens. After lunch and cake and a few games of rummy, it started sprinkling and we headed home. By the time we got home, the weather had cleared up. The kids and guys went outside for a game of basketball while Mom and I chatted and started cleaning up the aftermath of the preparation for the potluck. It started getting a little bit overcast, and I commented that I hadn't seen rain for so long that it would be nice to see some. Then suddenly it got very dark. The kids and guys came in from outside and we turned on the TV to see if there were any weather advisories. We saw a warning for severe thunderstorms and that the atmosphere had become unstable (that's never good), then the power went out. A few seconds later, there were torrents of rain and extreme downdrafts that felled a tree in the front yard. The thud and the shaking of the house sent us running for the basement. As we grabbed children and ran, the shaking and thuds of trees hitting the ground and the house intensified. As soon as it started, it was over. All in all, they lost a dozen trees and multiple large branches with minimal damage to the house. Ben's rear window of his car was broken by a tree branch. All of the trees seemed to fall around the house. The township of Fruitport was devastated. The were houses and cars that were crushed and destroyed all over the place. Four trees had fallen across the road and blocked us in. All around us trees had been blown over roots and all, snapped at the trunk, or twisted right in half. It turns out that the thunderstorm brought severe straight-line winds and a tornado or two. We had a tornado path that blazed a trail from the lake behind Mom's right through the yard and past the house and into the neighborhood. You could actually stand beside the house and see a clear path. Scary. Neighbors came out of their houses to survey the damage and check on each other. Then everyone broke out the generators and chainsaws and got to work. It was actually nice to see a neighborhood come together. No one complained, they were just thankful everyone was unharmed. There was only one death reported to my knowledge. Immediately after, they just all did the only thing they could do, start cleaning and chainsawing the road clear so we could all get out. A nice neighbor allowed us to tap their generator for an extension cord to the fridge and a hose to the house so we had minimal running (cold) water and enough power to charge cell phones and use one appliance at a time. The next day, Grandpa Gary came with another chainsaw and we all pitched in and cleaned up, with the guys chainsawing and all of us piling up logs and branches. We did this for two days. Midday on Wednesday brought the return of power! We also went to Grand Haven to see the Stanley Cup. The coach of the winning team is from Grand Haven, so he did a public viewing before a private party that evening. We got several pics of the Cup and us with it, the kids touching it, etc., which I'll post later. It was pretty cool, I must say, to see the oldest ongoing trophy in sports history! We then went to a park with the kiddos and let them play out some pent-up energy. Thursday was a "fun day" after all of the work we had done. We went to the beach on Lake Michigan with Mom and the kids and my brother Jeremy and his family. There is a really cool area, a merge point between Duck Lake and Lake Michigan where there is an extended area of shallow water, ranging from ankle-deep to above the knee, perfect for the kids. We adults ate watermelon and chips and got sunburnt to a crisp as the kids played. Friday we went thrifting and then flew out of Grand Rapids at night. We got to Vegas at around 10:30 pm Pacific time then drove home, arriving in Fresno shortly after 4 am on Saturday. That same family with the kids our kids' ages sat behind us again on the return trip. They were sunburnt like us and felt the effects of the storm like us...it was funny that we were together again! All in all, it was a really nice trip, with a few unexpected twists, of course. We seem to attract the unexpected.

Rewind about 2 weeks. The day before we left for our trip, one of our cats, Emma, had gone missing. After extensive searching for her, we found her hanging upside down from our neighbor's fence by a hind leg that had gotten wedged between two boards in the privacy fence. It was Sunday and she appeared outwardly fine, besides favoring that leg. A friend of mine from work was feeding the cats while we were gone, and said that she'd keep an eye on it. When we came home, her leg was cold and stiff. Circulation had been cut off too long while she was on the fence, and her leg was dead. We called the vet and got a squeeze-in appointment. The vet said that they could amputate, but that it would cost about $1,000. As it was, she had an area of infection and she might have had complications from that after the surgery. The only other option was to put her to sleep. After tearful and prayerful consideration, we decided that it wasn't fair to Emma to make her go thru life with a rambunctious dog and two children with only three legs. So we said our goodbyes and gave her lots of love...Trav was with her when they put her to sleep. Rest in peace, Emma girl...you will be missed.

So now, here I am with a couple of days off before returning to work and Deklan's first day of school, which will be on Tuesday. My baby is starting kindergarten! The boys are both sick with a cold, so we stayed home from church today to allow them to recover a bit and get some rest...they're taking a long nap together right now. And I guess that's the long and short of it. I'll post pics as soon as I get them...Trav left the camera on in the bag and forgot to bring the battery charger, so we're depending on other people to send us pictures.

Some well-deserved days off...

2009-07-08T12:30:00.000-07:00

I'm really appreciating being off today. Yesterday morning I woke up in absolute agony with my shoulder. I must have slept badly on it, because it felt like all of the muscles were tearing away from the bones. ALL DAY it continued, as I put hot packs on it and tried to stretch the pain away at work. My orientee took my whole group of patients and I just tagged along behind him and made sure that he was doing O.K. This made my life a LOT easier, as I didn't have to do as much work. That sounds terrible, but it was really helpful. I have a high pain threshold...I birthed a ten-pound child naturally for goodness sake! But this was just a total bummer. Anyway, I feel better this morning, about 50% less pain, and I'm trying to get in with a Chiropractor today or tomorrow and I have an appointment for Acupuncture on Monday. So I'm expecting to be 100% soon.

So, people, I'm on Facebook! I put a link on the left side of my blog so you can find me, if you're interested. It's brand new so there's not a whole lot of stuff on there yet, but I'll work on it.

We decided to wait on painting the house until a little later. We have minimal stuff here, and we've just decided that we're going to just paint sometime before we go get all of our stuff from Florida. The fact that we haven't painted yet has been preventing us from moving (haven't painted due to time/date/money constraints), and we're all REALLY ready to get into the house. We celebrated our July 4th over there, had fireworks in the backyard, some grilled chicken and corn-on-the-cob, and hung our American flag. It was really fun!

I'm giving some thought to starting a new email account. I've had my old one since the beginning of high school. I would keep my old one, of course, but my new one would be used predominantly. I will be starting school soon, and I'd like to have a more professional-sounding email address. Something birth-related.

Well, I went to Starbucks the other day and didn't feel like getting coffee...not even iced coffee, since it was so blazing hot. So I went to the counter and said "I normally get coffee, but I don't feel like it today...I'm thinking something with tea would be good. What do you recommend with tea that's cold and refreshing? The guy behind the counter said "Well, have you tried our Green Tea Lemonade?" "No", says I, "but it sounds good!" So I got an unsweetened Green Tea Lemonade and fell in love! Only problem is that, like everything at Starbucks, it's really pricey. So, I went home and made a strong cup of Green Tea, added a spoon of honey, and poured in some Simply Lemonade, stirred, and sipped. It was even better than Starbucks! So it's been my daily treat, very light and refreshing, good for you as compared to other non-water drinks out there, and much less expensive than Starbucks. It would be even more cheap if I made my own lemonade. Well, the other day I ran out of lemonade, but I had some Pomegranate Lemonade in the fridge that I had gotten on sale. I mixed that in instead. It's even better than the regular kind! I'm really enjoying my variations of tea and lemonade mixed.

Some pics from the past...

2009-07-04T00:11:00.000-07:00

I have several sewing projects to be done. But one of the ones that I really WANTED to do was sew some Thai fisherman pants for lounging around the house. So, I found this fabulous linen fabric at Joann, and not only was it 40% off, but I got the end of the bolt, so the second yard was an additional 50% off! They turned out to cost about $8. Not too shabby! I'm also going to be using very similar material for pillows for the sofa, since our new furniture didn't come with any pillows.

I'm also throwing in a couple of other pictures that I've been meaning to post. The first is Ziggy the Magnificent as a pup, although his is much bigger now. And he looks kinda' weird in the pic, with his eyes all funky...

The second is poor ol' Maximus, the Boston that we had for all-too-short of a time, who was stolen from us.
The third and fourth are of LoLo's baby blanket. I took pics a long time ago, I just forgot to post them. It was done using the Tiramisu Baby Blanket pattern off of Ravelry.

I am very proud of this blanket. It really is quite pretty, very simple, albeit time consuming. I have more pics to come...I've been a bit of a flunky in the photo department these days. Oh, and I'm in the process of adding some pics to my older posts...like Gavin's birth story. Check it out!

Thoughts and ideas, ideas and thoughts!

2009-07-03T22:49:00.000-07:00

I have so many of them! I recently had some mandatory education classes to do for work, one of which was regarding consents. I'm going to have to get the paperwork out of the car in the morning for the class, because as soon as I read the first couple of Power Point sections, I started getting riled up thinking about the status of OB care in hospitals. I suppose I'll get to that another day.

I have to say that I got a bit offended at work today. I had a patient with a new (very bad) diagnosis, a grim prognosis, and the news of it deeply effected both himself and his family more so than it ordinarily might have, due to the circumstances surrounding his getting the illness in the first place. I've had this patient for several days, and very often he's tearful, withdrawn, and clearly depressed. I'm not a huge fan of pharmaceuticals, but I suggested to the intern that she might consider a psych consult, a spiritual referral, and/or an antidepressant/anti-anxiety type of medication. She then said "Medications aren't the answer to everything. He's just getting used to his diagnosis. And besides, I need to treat the whole person, not just give meds." Now, part of me wants to shout "Hallelujah!" from the rooftops that there's actually a new Doc out there who isn't ready to pop a million pills into their patients. However, I resented the insinuation that I think that meds are the answer to everything. That is the farthest thing from the truth!! Even on our crazy floor, I'll be the first nurse to not push Ativan/Valium/Haldol on a patient, unrestrain them, and take them out to the nurse's station for some interaction to help calm them down. I hate giving meds unnecessarily. But I really felt that this man needed some help. It was within my scope of practice to order a spiritual referral without a Doc's order, but I couldn't do anything besides that, and trying to support him and his family the best that I could. That had me bent out of shape for a good part of the day.

Now, for what made my day! I seldom take the boys to Toys 'R Us because they turn into rabid little toymongers. But Trav was buying some fireworks from a stand in the Toys 'R Us parking lot, so I took the boys in. Trav wanted me to get a puzzle of the U.S.A., since he's trying to teach Deklan a little bit of elementary geography (where we live, where Popi and Noni live, where Mum-Mum lives, where Grammy and Pappy live, where PaPa and MaMa live, etc.) so I picked one up. Then I wandered over to the Melissa & Doug section to lust after some cool (expensive) wooden toys. As I perused the aisle, a set of emergency vehicles caught Deklan's eye...he wanted it! I took a look at the price, then did a double-take. It was marked down from $19.99 to $2.00!!! Surely that can't be right, I thought. So I let Deklan get it, and headed to the register. Sure enough, less than $7 for my entire purchase! So, I ran back to the van, told Trav that I had to run back in, grabbed up the remaining 4 sets, and hauled them to the register. It was there that I realized that, not only were they $2, but they were also an additional 20% off! Four sets of Melissa & Doug rescue vehicles for less than $7!!!! I couldn't believe my eyes! So I got a total of 5 sets, and I'll be going to the other Toys 'R Us in town tomorrow (if they're open) or Sunday to see if they're on sale at the other one as well. I saved almost $100 on those toys! I'm still in disbelief.

I'm so fried. I just finished my fifth consecutive day at work, and I'm just so incredibly done with this week. I'm so glad that I have the holiday weekend off. I get to recuperate a little bit. I have an orientee who is a new grad, and is very, VERY labor intensive. This person doesn't pick things up very quickly, and has been on orientation for 6 weeks with another nurse, who finally threw her hands up and refused to orient him anymore. My boss said that she's putting him with me for 2-3 weeks, then she's going to review his progress. If he's not progressing satisfactorily, she may fire him. I sincerely hope that it doesn't come to that, and I have every confidence that he can grow to be a good, competent nurse. But 2-3 weeks isn't long. So I've been trying SO HARD this week to teach him, to be patient, to explain things, and yet to give him enough independence so that he can learn what's best for him and develop his skills. It's exhausting. It's flattering that my boss thinks that he has a fighting chance in my hands for a while, but it's still exhausting. And if he fails, then I'm going to feel like a failure for failing him. I hope this all goes well.

I'm still telling people that I miscarried. The news is taking longer than I thought to get around. It still hurts every time that I have to explain that I'm no longer pregnant. I hope it doesn't take long for us to conceive once we decide that it's time to officially drop our guard.

Busy day!

2009-06-26T23:43:00.000-07:00

I had the day off and had the opportunity to do a few things. I spent the morning chillin' with my boys (all three of them!), then around lunch time took off with the boys and left Trav at home for some quiet time. We went to Goodwill to get some "new" shorts and t-shirts for Deklan, as he seems to be having a growth spurt and is outgrowing his clothes incredibly fast. After that, we went to Trader Joe's, where we picked up some awesome blueberries at a great price, and super-cheap basil plant, and typical grocery odds and ends. Then we went to Joann's, to get a new clasp for my favorite necklace.

I also got some really awesome beads that I want to make into either a necklace or bracelet. Then we went to Wal-Mart to get more odds and ends. And then finally to SaveMart to wrap up the grocery shopping. When I got home I cleaned out the fridge, then prepped some fruit. I washed and picked the blueberries and laid them on wax paper on a cookie sheet. On top of that I put another sheet of wax paper and topped it with washed and sliced strawberries. Then I added a layer of over-ripe bananas, then a layer of washed, halved, and pitted cherries. All of those went into the freezer and then into freezer bags for smoothies later. I used a handful of blueberries, a handful of cherries, and a couple of apples to make a crisp, which turned out absolutely delicious. I cooked and boned some chicken, which will turn into chicken salad tomorrow or the next day. Then I prepped and cooked some shrimp (which was supposed to become a shrimp salad, but it didn't make it. We ate it for dinner.) and started a garbanzo bean salad. That will have to wait as well, since the day is done and I am tired. Between all of this activity I called my old school and requested transcripts for Frontier (since I'm no longer pregnant, I'm going ahead with my plan to start school in December), washed, dried, folded, and hung four loads of laundry, put the kids down for naps and then bed, and cleaned the kitchen (with the exception of loading the dishwasher...Trav pitched in). It's been a busy day off! Now I get to sit with a cup of tea and work on a baby blanket that I'm crocheting as a gift for a baby due in a couple of weeks.

I'm doing well. I'm totally done with everything miscarriage-related, and I would say that I'm back to normal as far as all of that goes. Trav and I are back to our old shenanigans, which is nice! We're still planning on waiting until at least one cycle passes us by, but we're being a lot more lax than we normally would be in the avoidance department. Maybe I should start back on my prenatals, just in case.

The time will come...

2009-06-25T01:02:00.000-07:00

I have to say that I have baby fever again, pretty bad at that. And so does Travis. Having little Tadpole with us for just a few short weeks reminded us both how awesome the miracle of conception and the development of a little person is. And now we miss it. We miss the baby, the anticipation, the feelings of being pregnant. So we're looking to the time when we will try again to conceive. Except we're not going to try. We decided on the "baby roulette" approach. We're not going to try during certain time frames or doing things a certain way to try to get a girl. We're just going to pray for a healthy baby (a healthy baby GIRL if God wills it!) and follow our hearts and let the chips fall where they may. I'm glad that we agreed on this. Before Tadpole, we were going to try to do some things to tip our odds of getting a girl, and try at a certain time to have the baby in a certain time frame, etc. But now we have been taken back to square one, of just wanting a healthy, living baby, no matter what the gender or when it is born. Oh, I'll be keeping track of my cycles and all, as I do anyway. I like to know what my body is doing and what's normal for me. But that's it. So I guess we'll be "trying" more than we ever have in the past, since all three of my pregnancies have been "oops" pregnancies. But taking a passive approach just feels right now. So, we're going to wait a little while for my body to normalize, then just put it in God's hands and enjoy our relationship, without worrying about timing. Hurray for that.

It has been good to be back to work. I went back on Monday, and worked three days straight. On Monday I was still having lots of bleeding and lots of clots, then (thanks in part to Gavin still nursing and me drinking lots of toning herbal teas) Monday afternoon I had a bunch of cramping and passed the final piece of Tadpole's short-lived home...the bleeding almost stopped altogether after that. I felt much relieved, as I was starting to get concerned about potentially having to go back to the ER, this time for a D&C. I'm thankful that it didn't come to that. I've had to tell several people that I miscarried, and everyone has been really supportive. Almost every single woman that I've told has given me a hug and said "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry...I know how you feel! I had a miscarriage at about the same time..." It's so common. I don't think I understood exactly HOW common it was until I went through it myself. I have to say that it makes it a lot easier to have supportive women around me who have been through it themselves. It makes me feel better to hear their stories and know that I'm not alone.

Trav moved the first boxes over to the new house today! It will be a slow process of moving in, but I can't wait until we're officially IN! We have been going over there and cleaning and preparing for the move. We bring Ziggy and the boys over with us and let them run around in the yard and play in the sprinklers...all three of them LOVE it! They also love running around the house like a bunch of hooligans, bouncing on their bouncy balls and shrieking as they chase each other...and they don't have to worry about the noise disturbing the downstairs neighbor! Deklan asks every day if we are going to go to the new house. I found some free plans for a compost bin that Trav is going to build for me, so I don't have to buy more compost than the amount that I'll have to buy to start my garden. The soil we have is pretty crappy, so I know I'm going to have to buy some to prep the soil. We have a really good organic compost/seed place here in Fresno that I already have my eye on. I think it will be good for my soul to get my hands back into the earth...how I have missed gardening!

Life experience and ministering...

2009-06-19T23:58:00.000-07:00

There are so many things that have happened to me in my life that could be considered "traumatizing". Yet after they happen, I just think to myself "Well, that's another thing that I'll be able to help someone else through someday!" Seriously. I hope and pray that we never have to deal with a major tragedy, and one of my most frequent prayers is that our whole family will get to go up in the Rapture together, that I will never lose anyone close to me. But all of these other things, including my most recent loss, I consider to be preparation for the life of service in the ministry that I hope we have one day. Today I joined the ranks of the women who have experienced the physical, emotional, and mental pain of losing an unborn child. That's not a good thing, or a fun thing, but I feel different after this. I feel older. I feel...well, not necessarily wiser, but more capable of understanding. I'm understanding the twinges of sadness that you feel when you see a pregnant woman at the market, or drive past a maternity store, or even things as small as putting away my Pregnancy Tea and exchanging it for my Female Toner Tea for my nightly cup, trying to help my uterus and hormones get back to normal. I understand the wondering why it happened, why God saw fit to allow this loss. I also understand (thanks Mom) resting in Him and knowing that, no matter if we understand it or not, He is in control and loves us more than anything.

Miscarrying sucks.

2009-06-19T05:13:00.001-07:00

Well, the afore-mentioned spotting finally turned to bleeding, then to horrendous cramping. Like menstrual cramping times ten. Like early labor, except without a break between contractions. I took a hot shower which helped for a while, and now I'm sitting up on the computer in the wee hours of the morning, as I can't sleep due to the pain. I still have a little while to go, too, as best as I can figure. Well, this is how I look at it. I'm truly amazed that we were created in such a way that our bodies can see what technology can't and know that there's a problem bad enough that the baby wouldn't survive anyway. I'm thankful that my body is doing this on its own and without the "help" of a D&C (at least it is as of now). I'm relieved that the wondering is over, that now I can grieve and move on instead of wondering from hour to hour if the baby is still with us. I had a weird vibe about this pregnancy from the beginning...I didn't want to tell anyone, and there are still several people (as in close people...family) who don't know about this pregnancy. I had bad cramping and spotting in the beginning. I just always felt a feeling of doom, and kept wondering if that was a sign that I would miscarry. I had a few dreams that I miscarried. I guess my heart knew before I did. Trav and I are unsure as to where this leaves us. We're thinking that we might actually try (on purpose!) after I'm healed and start cycling again, but then at the same time I wonder if we shouldn't wait a little while. I don't know. I guess we'll figure that one out later. In the meantime, I am finding comfort in my two beautiful, healthy boys and my sweet husband, who has been so good throughout this whole ordeal. And I wonder if the timing of this has anything to do with my moon cycle, as the phase is currently the waning crescent?

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Update: I stopped cramping at about 7:30 this morning. When I got up at 8 am and used the bathroom, I actually felt a little urge to push. I did, and with that, little Tadpole was born. It was an intact piece of tissue about half the size of a large banana. I could see a protrusion on it the size of a large marble. Being the weirdo that I am, I ruptured the sac to see the baby. When I ruptured it, blood rushed out, so I guess that might have been part of the problem. The little critter looked just like they do in those pregnancy development books! It is white and clear, kinda looks like a tadpole just shy of an inch long. I could see little eyes and a little cord. It's amazing that something that small and undeveloped actually had a heartbeat a couple of days ago! All in all, I feel pretty good. I had a little cry earlier on, and I'm sure I'll have a few more, but I feel...peaceful. I'm not looking forward to telling people at work, because I'm sure it'll take at least a week for it to get around the grapevine, an inevitably someone will approach me and call me preggo and I'll have to tell them that I miscarried. I'm to the stage now that I'm wondering why it happened. I know there doesn't have to necessarily be a "reason" this early on, but I'm just hoping that it doesn't happen again next time. Well, we shall see.

Oh, the joys of the ER...

2009-06-17T10:44:00.000-07:00

Yep, I had to take a trip to the ER last night. *sigh* Even as an employee with "priority" status, it took 6 hours from in to out. And that was after a long day at work! Here is my story:

In both of my previous pregnancies, I've had spotting. Nothing major, and generally only lasting a few days at the most, but spotting nonetheless. I also have an incredibly sensitive cervix, and actually had cervical erosion with and after Gavin's pregnancy. It's harmless and painless, but scary as heck to have the bright red bleeding that can come with cervical erosion! So I had been spotting for a total of five days as of yesterday, and it had been increasing. I set an appointment with an OB (gulp...quite the step for this midwife-lover!), but couldn't get in any sooner than June 30th. My boss is a FNP, and she called some OB friends of hers to see if they could squeeze me in before then, but I didn't hear from them. So, after an increase in bright red spotting, I decided to go to the ER. The nurse in me was saying that it's probably O.K., that it's probably just my cervix acting up again, and I was just spotting (not officially bleeding) and not cramping, so I was most likely not miscarrying. But the mom in me was just screaming out for help, knowing bright red blood is never normal, and was scared for the life of my baby. I had blood drawn and waited an eternity for an ultrasound. Everyone was very nice and sympathetic. After a time of quiet prayer, and a short nap, I finally got to go for my ultrasound. The tech asked if I was sure of my dates. Well, I'm sure of the date of my LMP, but my cycles were so whacky that any due date is possible, I suppose. He said that my HCG beta was a bit low for my LMP-based date (well, that scared me, but I figured it would be lower than their calculated 8 weeks due to my whacky cycles...), but we'd go ahead and have a look. I was seriously expecting to see a sac with no baby, or no heartbeat. But would you believe one of the first things I saw when he put the probe to my belly was that beautiful, fluttering heartbeat?! He announced "Well, you're definitely pregnant, and we have fetal heart tones!" I could have sat up and hugged him right there. He found that, by measurements, I'm only 6w3d. That would explain the low beta. Everything looked really good, and he pronounced my pregnancy "viable". That sounds so...medical...especially when you're talking about the miracle of life, about a new little person inside a mother's womb. But I've never heard a more beautiful word in all of my life! I got back to the ER and met the doc who was to be doing my exam. He checked me out and found that my cervix was tightly closed, but extremely irritated and bleeding. He said that, of course, any bleeding is not considered "normal", and that it's considered a "threatened" miscarriage, but the bleeding is definitely coming from my cervix. I could breathe a little. So, although we're not considered out-of-the-woods just yet (not till 20 weeks, technically), I have a little peace of mind, for now. It's still unnerving to see blood, but I can at least rest a little. So, little Dempsey is still with us, and I hope s/he says with us for another full 34 weeks! At that point in the ER, I had been there for 4 hours and was told that I'd be discharged in a few minutes. Two hours later, the nurse finally hunted down the doc, who had really procrastinated on getting my paperwork through. At 0245 this morning, I finally walked out of the hospital. But I couldn't be mad...I am just happy that I'm still pregnant!

Deklan's Birth Story

2009-06-10T11:06:00.000-07:00

I was just reading some birth stories on various blogs and it got me to thinking...I have never written down Deklan's birth story! Maybe because it was not the birth that I had wanted for him or me, or maybe because I wasn't so much "into" birth back then as I am now. But in any event, he is my firstborn, my son, and he deserves to have his story told. So, as well as I can remember, here it is:

First, a little background. I was being seen in an OB/GYN office by the midwives who practiced there. The plan was to transfer care to a midwife about 1.5 hours away further along in my pregnancy, and to ultimately give birth at the freestanding birthing home there. Well, this was not to be. We had a routine ultrasound at around 30 weeks. During the ultrasound, the tech was having a very difficult time measuring something about his heart. When she got up to get the doctor, whom we had never met, we were worried. The doctor came and explained that the tech had been unable to find the 4th chamber of his heart. After some searching, she was able to find it, but it was so thick and so small that it was hard to see. We had to set up an appointment with a specialist at a hospital 3.5 hours away. Two weeks later we had our appointment. Four hours later, the specialist announced that it seemed that our son had a trisomy-type defect, and that he was calling in the genetic counselor. We were devastated. We prayed and waited, and while we waited we decided that we would not have an amnio (which they wanted to do that day), and that we would have the baby and love him as long as he lived. After talking with the counselor, the doctor came to meet us again, and discussed the problem. As he was talking, I noticed that he referenced a date, saying that it was his due date, but it was not. I told him that the due date he was using was wrong. He looked really happy, and said "Well, in that case...hold on..." After re-calculating measurements, he announced that our son did NOT have a trisomy defect after all, but simply a loose tricuspid valve that was causing one of his ventricles to be very thick and muscular, as it was trying to compensate for the valve. We were elated and infuriated at the same time. How could a specialist make such a horrible mistake??? We ended up being seen by the specialist for the remainder of my pregnancy, every two weeks. They also found that his pulmonary valve was too tight, in addition to the loose tricuspid valve. They took a wait-and-see approach, waiting to see how his little body would compensate after his birth. I was told that I had to deliver at the hospital 3.5 hours away from us, and that I would have the Dr. on call deliver my son. We were just scared and wanted his birth to be as safe and him to be as healthy as possible. Now, on to the story.

At my 40-week appointment, I was told that I would be induced if I hadn't gone into labor in the next two days. I didn't want to be induced, I had heard horror stories of Pitocin contractions. So, I went home and chugged castor oil...two 4-oz. bottles of it. Well, the aftermath was terrible and I got a foretaste of the "ring of fire", to put it nicely. However, I started in a contraction pattern that felt so different from the Braxton-Hicks that I had been having for days and days. My mom and family had driven down from Michigan to be with me, and they were nearing the end of their visit. I was so hoping that he'd be born while they were here with me! At about midnight, I decided that I was in labor, and that we'd better start the 3.5 hour drive to the hospital. We got there and I went to triage and was hooked up and examined. I was at 4 cm, and had bloody show! So, they kept me. I went to my room and went to sleep, as it was about 7 am by then and I hadn't slept a wink all night.

When I woke up at 9:30am, my contractions had all but gone. My nurse came in and said that they were going to start Pitocin to get my contractions started back up again. I wasn't happy about this, but I agreed and let her start and IV and get the Pitocin running. My contractions gradually started coming back as they increased the Pitocin, although they were comfortable enough to talk through. At around one o'clock in the afternoon, they broke my water. It was a river of clear fluid. It soaked the chux, and I could hear it dripping onto the floor. I asked if someone could please change the pads under me, and my nurse said "No, because they'll just get soaked again." The nurse in me wanted to just scream at her. So I sat in a puddle for the rest of my labor. Shortly after my water was broken, the people I'd invited to my birth (my mom, my friend Melanie, and my friend Miss Chris) returned from lunch. They were so good, trying to help me relax and breathe through my contractions, but all I could smell was the lunch on their breath. I remember yelling at them and telling them to get out of my face or brush their teeth or something!! I apologized after that contraction was over for yelling at them, and they all laughed. From that point till they told me to push was just a blur of pain. Contractions came on so suddenly and painfully that I began to dry-heave. They gave me something for nausea. I contracted and writhed in pain, fighting the pain by tensing up my body and moaning, and putting some claw-marks in my husbands hand. About 3 hours of hard labor later, I was pronounced complete and told to push. We did the classic guided pushing, of curling up with my chin to my chest and pushing for the count of ten, quick breath, then repeat for a total of three per contraction. At first I was motivated...I finally got to push!! And pushing, to me, helped relieve the pain. But then exhaustion began to set in, and only my first of three sets of pushes was even doing anything. The doctor (I later found out that he was an intern, and was asking the nurses what to do next!) told me that I had to have an episiotomy, because I wasn't going to be able to push this baby out. I tried a few more pushes, then in my weariness agreed to the cut. I didn't feel him cut me. A few more pushes later, and I could feel that his head was out! Then, one mighty roar and hard push later, at 4:55 pm on July 27th, 2004, Deklan was born into this world!

He was taken quickly, his cord cut, and moved to the bassinet where the NICU team was waiting for him. My husband asked if he could leave me to go see him, and I said yes. I could hear his strong cries from across the room, which was music to my ears. Again, we weren't sure if he would need heart surgery shortly after being born, or if he would compensate for his defects. He sure sounded good to me! We found that he was a whopping 8 lbs, 6.6 oz! A far cry from the 6.5 lbs they had guestimated only a few days earlier!

Apparently I was bleeding quite a bit, so my nurse started massaging my uterus (which hurt like heck!), and the intern started pulling on the cord to "help" the placenta out. He tore it out in shreds, and my husband and friends said that he just looked at it, then at the nurses with a deer-in-the-headlights look. Little did I know, I had retained fragments of the placenta, which ended up inhibiting my milk from coming in, then 9 days postpartum landed me back in the hospital on IV antibiotics. They pumped me full of more Pitocin to help stop the bleeding. Then I was told that I had torn past the episiotomy to a 3rd degree tear, which went into but not through my anal sphincter. The intern set to stitching me up, without even a local anesthetic. When I placed an ill-aimed kick to his shoulder (I wish I had gotten his head) he asked what was wrong. I asked him why he was sticking a needle into my hoo-ha without even having pain medication! He said "Oh, I thought you had an epidural!" *sigh* Even on my son's records that he brought to his pediatrician, it says that he was born vaginally with epidural pain relief. I purposefully didn't have pain meds because I didn't want to compromise his already compromised heart. Anyway, after some local and IV pain relief, he set to stitching me up. While he was doing that, I heard the NICU team leaving with my son. I yelled to anyone who would listen to please stop them, I hadn't seen my son yet! My nurse ran over, grabbed Deklan, brought him over to me for about two minutes so I could see him and we could take a couple of pictures, then they whisked him away to the NICU for testing.

My heart was aching, but I knew it was necessary. So I just dozed off as the pain medication kicked in, until they moved me to another room. I got up and peed, which burned like nothing I'd ever felt. Then I got into bed and slept for a while. My mom and family had to leave that afternoon, so they came to say their goodbyes. After I woke up, it was NICU visiting hours, so I got to go see Deklan. He was so big compared to all of the other babies in the Level 3 NICU!! They actually nicknamed him "The Moose"! The NICU nurse was great, and got a privacy screen and a Boppy so I could nurse him for the first time. They had already given him bottles of formula, against my direct instructions. He was a hungry little guy though, and latched on pretty well. My visits with Deklan were sporadic for the next day and a half, as the NICU closed down a few times for emergency surgeries on the babies in there. Finally, we were told that we'd get to bring him home with us! Our little guy was being released! We got him dressed and ready to go, and the NICU nurses sent us home with a blanket, a hat, a diaper bag, and formula. After a 3.5 hour drive home on a 3rd degree torn bottom, we got home and were met by a group of family. After pictures and shooing them away, we finally got to relax and settle in. I had a difficult time with breastfeeding, as he preferred the bottle. But I was determined. It turned out that he was also getting frustrated because my milk wasn't coming in because of the retained fragment of placenta. I was exhausted, wasn't eating much or drinking much because I felt terrible. After a couple of days in the hospital on antibiotics, I passed the fragments and felt much better. They didn't have to do a D&C, for which I was grateful. I went home and my milk came in. We settled into a routine, and lived happily ever after!

As you can probably imagine, I learned a lot from Deklan's birth. It's what started me on the path that I'm on now. It wasn't the gentle birth that I had wanted for him, but he's here, he's ours, and he's healthy. And now I know better.

Gracious, it's too early for this!

2009-06-06T17:45:00.000-07:00

I already look 4 months pregnant! I know it's just a (not-so-lovely) combination of my belly fat, stretched belly-skin, and bloating, but jeepers...really? All of my maternity clothes are still in Florida. It looks like Trav and his buddy Paul are going to road-trip it and go get our stuff in a couple of months, and by then I'll really be needing them. For now, I can get by with wearing my scrubs tied a little looser, and wearing stretchy-waisted capris and skirts...I have several that are jersey knit, like t-shirts, so they're stretchy and airy and comfy. I can't even suck in my tummy! I think the uterus typically rises above the level of the pubic bone around 12 weeks, although I seem to remember Harmony being able to feel it already at my first appointment at 8 weeks. She mentioned it and asked was I sure of my due date because my uterus felt more 12-week-ish. Yes, I was sure of my dates, I guess my uterus was just expanding a little sooner due to that pregnancy being my second. My fundal height measured ahead by at least 2 weeks the entire pregnancy, and at the end it was 48 cm! My uterus just seems to know what to do and does it very well! So, I figure I'll be legitimately "showing" in just a few short weeks! I'm going to have to pick up a few maternity things, I'm sure, before we get our stuff from FL. As of yet, I'm feeling pretty good. I have "super nose" pretty bad, and every smell bothers me. But thankfully what little nausea I've had is coming and going, so no true-blue morning sickness yet, just hormonal ick. I'm hoping that, by staying well-nourished this pregnancy, I will stave off morning sickness altogether. I've been taking my vitamins every day, and went ahead and got some Floradix with Herbs for later on in the game...I've gotten to be significantly anemic with both of my pregnancies. I'm drinking my Pregnancy Tea by Traditional Medicinals, and trying to eat a very balanced and healthy diet. Gavin is still nursing like a fiend, but I think that my hormones are changing my milk a bit. When he nurses, he unlatches, looks at my breast, then looks at me with this quizzical look on his face and exclaims "Ehh?!?" like there's a problem or something. Haha! I'm hoping that he'll self-wean as my belly begins to get in the way, as I'm not sure how tandem-nursing will mesh with nursing a new baby on demand and then pumping at work when I return. That just seems like a lot of boob action to me!

Well, we've been (barely) surviving while Trav has been gone. I miss him so much! I've been doing all of the work that we normally share, and I have to say that I have an even higher respect for him and what he does at home while I'm gone now that I've had a taste of it again! In any event, I can't wait to go driving off tomorrow at midnight to go pick him up!!

So, I'm liking my new Blackberry Storm. Verizon is having a 2-for-1 sale and we were due for our "new every 2" phones (where you get $100 toward an upgraded phone every two years), so we got an AWESOME deal on a pair of them. It's pretty bizarre to be able to freely surf the web from your phone! I can listen to my favorite "channel" on Pandora (online radio) from my phone, and even have an awesome (free!) app called "Epocrates" that's basically a drug book in my phone. Referencing has never been so easy! I have a bluetooth for it, but I haven't gotten it set up yet...Trav can do it for me when he gets home. Hands-free is the only legal way to talk while you drive in California, not to mention that it'll be much easier while cleaning or nursing...and with another baby on the way!!

I've gotten active on MDC (the forums for Mothering Magazine, also known as Mothering Dot Community) again. I took a bit of a hiatus after I returned to work full-time. I had to find a balance in my life...being a wife, mommy, and sole provider is a tough juggling act! So, I just couldn't justify spending so much time on the internet anymore, and basically cut it completely off. Now I'm in a pretty good groove, have my priorities in order, and so I've allowed myself to get back on. I'm really enjoying being a member of a DDC (Due Date Club)! I'm also active again on my page at i-am-pregnant.com. So strange to be back...Deklan and Gavin were spaced apart so far that, now that I'm pregnant again, it seems like I was just pregnant a little while ago! I really am thrilled now about being pregnant. I'm settled in to the idea, and it's kind of cool to see again that God's plan ultimately rules! Now, I wonder if God's plan includes a little girl in our lives?

I'm lonely...

2009-06-04T21:35:00.000-07:00

...my wonderful husband is out of town for a few days. He flew out today to Pennsylvania to a friends wedding. We couldn't go because we have a family wedding in August, and we couldn't afford two whole-family airfares. So, the chillens and myself are on our own until about midnight on Sunday, when I go to pick him up. Then I'm right back to work on Monday! I'm going to miss that guy. I do already! I don't have a fear of flying, but I hate it when we're separated, and even more so when there's an aircraft involved. In a car, you have some control over the situation. In a plane, though, you just have to trust the crew. I don't consider myself a controlling person by any means, but that lack of control thing bothers me.

As a result of Trav being gone, I have lots of time to watch whatever I want and spend lots of time on the computer!! The boys are bathed and sleeping like little cutie pies, the dog has been walked and fed, and the house is calm. I've been "shopping" for a midwife. I have read good reviews about a few midwives in the area, and I've emailed a couple of them. One of them stands out to me, and I don't know quite why...her name is Detrah Hele. She's a CPM/LM in the area who does homebirths. I can't wait to have a talk with her! The thing is, I think I'm going to have a hard time finding someone who measures up to Harmony in my mind. Harmony Miller is the world's most awesome midwife in Trav's and my opinions. We loved her manner and trusted her completely. I wonder if I'll be able to find someone that I feel THAT comfortable with. I liked having a young midwife...seems like most of the midwives in this area are older. According to their short bios, they've started practicing from the 1970's to 1990's, so they've got to be a bit older than me. Well, we'll see. It's still several weeks before I even need a preliminary visit. I think I first saw Harmony around 8 weeks.

*sigh* The house is a disaster. I guess I should go clean it up now.

Ummm...oops...

2009-05-29T00:56:00.000-07:00

That negative pregnancy test that I posted about last...yeah, well, it was positive. I just didn't wait long enough for it to develop. I learned this the night after I took it and was still concerned about what was going on with me. After much hemming and hawing, I decided to pick up my last, expensive test (the ClearBlue one that displays the words and not just lines) and test again. This was really difficult for me, as I was saving that test for when we were trying to conceive, for when I thought that we had succeeded in conceiving. Well, as I was sitting there waiting for the results, I kept thinking to myself "This is so stupid! I just wasted a $6 test on a negative! I KNOW I'm not pregnant...I took a test last night!" Then I looked down and, lo and behold, "Pregnant", as clear as day. I just stared at it. I tucked it in my pocket, wondering if I should tell Travis now or not. We were, after all, trying NOT to get pregnant, and I didn't think he'd be very happy. I did a little trash-digging and found the test from the previous night...it had turned positive! I had an appointment with my personal trainer today, so I knew that I wanted to tell Travis before the appointment. I just wasn't O.K. with my trainer being the first person to know. So, I ended up just putting the test with the words on the end table beside the remote control. He hadn't seen it after a half an hour, so I took it back and tried to think of a way to throw it in the conversation. He was talking about his brother and how he wanted to call him and see how he and his expecting-very-soon wife were doing, but wanted another reason to call. He said was saying that he'd already texted him about the Lakers game, and that he wished he had something else to talk about. I handed him the test and said "Why don't you talk to him about that?" He just stared at it, then stared into his coffee cup for a really long time. After a while, he got a hint of a smile on his face. "Are you serious?" "Do I look like I'm kidding?!" So, we've gotten used to the idea now. It's been several days since I found out, and I don't imagine we'll be telling a lot of people right off the bat. Trav's best friend knows, my best friend knows, my mom and step-mom and sister know, and my trainer knows. That's all right now, though. I suppose we'll just wait till August to tell Trav's side of the family, as I'm pretty sure I'll be showing by then. I was noticeably showing by 10 weeks with Gavin, and I'll be a bit over 13 weeks by the time the wedding rolls around. That'll be a surprise, for sure! I'm not sure how all of this is going to effect me starting school in December. I'm thinking that I'm going to have to wait, as my due date around Feb. 1st. We'll see. So, I guess my icky feelings and obsession with having another baby was happening for a reason...I was pregnant!

Hmmm...

2009-05-26T21:23:00.000-07:00

I feel icky tonight. I had a rough day at work, and now I'm home and just BLAH. I'm flushed, slightly nauseated, feel hot all over (but no fever), and I'm exhausted. I'm also on day 36 of my cycle with no end in sight, which I guess is O.K., considering that my cycles have been getting longer...34-35 days average. What the heck is up with THAT?! It kinda has me worried, that there's some weird hormonal thing going on with me that might be bad...or it could just be that Gavin's nursing a bit more than usual because he's teething again...or it could be stress-related...who knows? I hope I'm not broken!! I know not too many people read my blog, but for any other chicas out there...have you ever been through this? Oh, and I took a pregnancy test yesterday just for kicks and it was a big negatory.

I'm procrastinating...

2009-05-24T13:26:00.000-07:00

Yeah...I have a lot to do today, but I just don't feel inspired yet. I've had a productive day, but I still have a long list. It looks like the house rental should come through fine. We're turning in all of the paperwork and submitting our deposit on Tuesday, then we'll move in June 15th. Well, we won't move in, really, but we'll take the keys. Our lease here is up at the end of June, and we want to have a little overlap time to be able to clean the new house, move in, then clean the apartment. I want to paint a couple of rooms, and it's been O.K.'d by the owners...I don't want to paint the whole thing, especially since I'll be doing it all on my own. Probably just the living/dining room and bedrooms. Everything is white right now, and with the lovely brick fireplace in the living room, it feels a shame to leave it all stark white. I'm thinking that a green of some sort would be nice, and compliment the red brick nicely. Anyhoo, I plan on painting for a couple of days, then scouring the place from top to bottom before we move in. It'll be so much easier with no stuff in it yet. Travis already has plans to build my 4x4 square-foot gardening boxes, and a sandbox for the boys. The garage has a huge workbench/tool area that he's just dying to take advantage of. These pics don't really do the place justice, but they are the only shots that I have...the realtor sent them to me.

I really have to finish crocheting the baby blanket for Leslie. I'm also going to make a few monogrammed burp cloths for her, using thismamamakesstuff's guidelines. If you haven't checked out her blog in my sidebar, you should. She's one crafty mama! Leslie's main color is purple, so I'm dyeing them lavender/purple and have a really cute fat quarter in mind for the monogrammed "N" for her daughters name "Nicki" (I think that's how she's going to spell it...it's a good thing it's just the first letter on the burp cloths!!! :D). The blanket is almost done, I only have about 6 inches left on it, then the border. I'm just doing a single-crochet pattern, since the yarn is a boucle, then I'm going to borrow the border of the "Tiramisu Baby Blanket" pattern that I've used a few times, thank you Ravelry!

This morning I made the boys pancakes and a smoothie and turkey sausage, and Travis and I had eggs and turkey sausage, along with our coffee and a smoothie for me. Trav doesn't like smoothies...weirdo. I can't imagine why! I've got the sheets in the dryer and a dark load in the washer, then I've got to wash the burp cloths a few times so they pick up the dye well. I'd like to knock those out today, if at all possible. I cleaned the kitchen and living room and our room, vacuumed, and spot-cleaned the bathrooms. I still need to grocery shop and maybe pick up some paint chips from the store to get an idea of what I want in the house. Trav has gotten hooked on my caesar salads, which have a custom-made dressing heavy in garlic and anchovies. I didn't think he'd like the punch of the garlic and anchovy, but he really surprised me. I like to chop up some boiled chicken and throw it in for a little protein, or shrimp if we have it.

I haven't talked about birth much these last few posts. I have to admit that I'm a bit preoccupied with the possibility of getting pregnant again soon. Yes, baby fever. I know I have weight to lose before we try again, but it won't be too long before fall arrives and we start thinking about trying again. I think about it a lot. In the meantime, I've enjoyed some of the blogs that I follow, reading birth stories and articles.

Game 4 of the Red Wings vs. Blackhawks is going on right now. I swear, one of the refs is getting paid to make calls in favor of the Blackhawks. There have been some really bogus calls, especially in the last couple of games. Well, go Wings...I know you can do it in spite of unfair referees!

I'm hoping that Trav will upload some pics onto the Mac for me, so I can add some pics that I've been wanting to add for quite some time.

American WHAAAA?!?

2009-05-20T22:57:00.000-07:00

K.I.S.S. on American Idol?!?! I thought this was a family show! And what the *bleep* was Adam wearing anyway?!? The massive platforms, the faux-winged-wire-thingies, the glitter gems under the eyes...holy snikey, man. I'm really shocked. I'm seriously still watching the show, this just ticked me off so badly that I had to post something. On the other hand, I enjoyed Cindy Lauper and Allison, and Lionel Richie and Danny. The Santana bit was pretty decent, too. David Cook's song "Permanent" was awesome, quite a tribute to his late brother and his battle with cancer. We downloaded it on iTunes, and all of the proceeds will go to a charity dedicated to finding a cure/treatments for brain cancer. Oh, and on the topic of this being a family show, although I loved Kara's revenge on Bikini Girl, the whole bikini on stage and Kara ripping off her dress...good grief.

Steve Martin playing the banjo on American Idol? Wow.

Rod Stewart is scary. Travis just said that he thought he died like twenty years ago. (just kidding)

I'm feeling a bit crampy right now, which I'm sure is adding to my mood.

KRIS ALLEN WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!! I totally did not see that coming! Well, I had hoped that he would win, but I figured that Adam was a lock because of all of his theatrical drama, and his awesome voice. I have to say, though, that I'd rather hear Kris's voice over the radio than Adam's any day. Congrats, Kris!!

My husband...

2009-05-20T21:12:00.001-07:00

I know I don't talk about him that much on here, but I wanted to take a moment to sing his praises. Yes, he's cranky from time to time, just like anyone. But all in all, he's the best guy a girl could ever ask for. He's a wonderful, caring, hard-working, and supportive husband. With our traditional roles reversed at the moment, I feel that he bears the brunt of the emotional punishment. He's used to going out and laboring, but now he stays at home with the kids, keeps the house clean, and deals with as much day-to-day stuff as he possibly can to make things easier for me. He supports me as I work, encourages me when I need it, and is behind me all the way when it comes to going back to school. He understands my passion for birth and listens when I rant about the state of maternity care in America and rave about midwives, birthing homes, and home births. He dutifully comes to the computer to look at pictures when I find an old Victorian house in Michigan that I want to turn into my birthing home someday, and agrees that, yes, he can picture a birthing tub in front of that window or this bedroom turned into a birthing room. He has become quite good at managing the finances so that's one less thing for me to worry about. He's a great daddy. I couldn't imagine my life without him.

My legs are so sore. I was resource nurse again today, and again took on my own partial patient load in addition to my resource responsibilities. I had a talk with my boss today (she's an FNP) and told her that I want to go back to school. When I told her my plan, she was all for it. She said that her goal was to be a family nurse practitioner by the time she was 40, and she did it by the time she was 41. I suppose I'll be done by the time I'm 35, factoring in a little time off for potential babies in my future. That's not half bad, I don't think. I can't imagine myself 35 years old, though. How odd. I remember when my mom was 35. She's such a pretty lady. And Mom, I didn't just write that because I know you read my blog, either! Travis always says that if I look anything like you look when I'm 50, he'll be the happiest man in the world! Anyway, back to school. I'm really turning in my application on time this time, so I'm hoping to start school the beginning of December. Surprisingly, my boss was all for me starting school as soon as possible (no talk of how I'm not going to be able to balance life and work with school...in fact, she said that moms are most often the best students, because of the time management factor...), and will even write me a reference. Yay! The application says that if we can get a reference from an NP or CNM, that bodes well for us. Which reminds me, I need to request my transcripts from SPC tomorrow. I always forget until the end of the day, then it's too late East Coast time to call, and the office is closed.

So, Shawn Johnson won Dancing with the Stars!! I was a bit surprised, to be honest...I thought for sure Gilles would clinch it. I'm so happy for her!

And American Idol has a winner by now, East Coast time. But I'm just about to make one of my magic smoothies for dinner and watch it. I wonder who won?

Finales...

2009-05-19T20:47:00.000-07:00

I hate to admit it, really I do, but I am a reality T.V. show junkie. There. I said it. Happy now?? *sigh* Well, some of my favorite shows either have or are coming to an end this week. Survivor just ended, and I'm really pleased with the result. J.T. was the most sincere, honest player that they've had for a while on that show. His attitude and outlook were refreshing...so kudos, J.T.! Tonight Dancing with the Stars is coming to an end, and American Idol ends tomorrow night. Amazing Race and America's Next Top Model also just ended. Thank God for DVR! The only good part about all of these shows ending is this: they are making way for my all-time favorite reality show, So You Think You Can Dance!!! Woohoo!!! I love that show, because people can't fake and luck their way through it, it's truly based on talent!

Work has been rough lately. We hit a period of strangely low census, and then we've been slammed for the last two days. I was the resource nurse yesterday and today, and for the 12.5 hours that I was there both days, I was probably on my feet for at least 10 of them. Normally I'll get to sit for a little while and chart, but as resource I bounce around between nurses, starting IV's, helping them catch up, doing admits and discharges, and helping PCA's turn and clean and just overall helping everyone. Thrown into the mix I have to do audits of IV's, tubings, etc. to make sure they're labeled and not expired, check all patients allergies, make sure they have bracelets on and stickers on their charts reflecting their allergies...the list just goes on and on and on. For what it's worth, I'm a pretty decent resource. But it seems like every day I'm resource, the crap hits the fan. I run like a manic, and almost always end up taking on a patient load of my own. On the bright side at work, it's Neuroscience Week at our hospital, so we have free meals all week, presentations by vendors, etc. And I got a cool retractable badge thingy with a brain on it. Ha. I love it!

The house rental seems to be moving along quite well! The owner agreed to the lower rent if we will retain the gardener, which is an additional small amount each month. Of course, we agreed because rent is lower with the gardener than without. So we should hear the final decision and get the lease drawn up by the end of the week. I can't wait to plant my garden!!!

Alrighty then. It's Idol time, people.

My love of strawberries...

2009-05-17T14:11:00.000-07:00

I could eat them every day. Seriously. With them being in season right now, I'm buying them by the flat, eating them almost every day, preparing and freezing them for smoothies, etc. I just ate about a pound of fresh strawberries with a sprinkle of turbinado sugar (which I love because it gives a nice crunch!). It's really hot here in Fresno today, with a high of 105 degrees, so I'm sure I'll be having a smoothie later. I normally just do an O.J., strawberry, and banana smoothie, but here lately I've gotten hooked on a new ingredient to my old standby: Odwalla's Vanilla Al'Mondo Super Protein drink. I freeze it in ice cube trays then use 5 or 6 of them in a smoothie. I also freeze whatever fruit I'm using (bananas, strawberries) so it's nice and frosty. Vanilla Al'Mondo is made of organic soymilk, organic oatmilk, bananas, ground almonds, and vanilla extract...so yummy!

Comcast is terrible. I just thought I'd throw that out there. They are the most crooked cable company in the entire United States. And their service bites. They're dishonest and rude. And that is all.

Oh, and if you have the time, check out the works of Chrissy Butler. She's a wonderfully talented artist and author, and a VBAC homebirth momma to boot! Her blog, "The Wonderful Place" is linked in my sidebar, and you can see her site here. The first pic on my blog is hers, as is this black-and-white that I love!

Reading and ranting and planning, oh my!

2009-05-13T17:33:00.000-07:00

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a must-read. I would advise any woman who is pregnant or wanting to have children to read this book WAY before they pick up "What to Expect When You're Expecting". Any mother, any woman, anyone who gives a hoot about how a mother in labor is treated and how her baby makes its entrance into the world should read this. Any birth advocate, medical professional or birth support person would benefit from reading this book. It supplies the facts and statistics surrounding birth in America and evidence-based practice. In my hospital there is a committee devoted to "best practice" (appropriately named the "Best Practice Committee"), based on the current medical evidence. Why can "best practice" be applied to every other area of patient care except L&D? I had a patient the other day who is an L&D nurse in the hospital where I work. I talked with her about trying to get my foot in the door and get some experience while I'm in school for midwifery. She thinks that I won't have any trouble getting onto the L&D floor, especially if I'm already in school. I hope she's right! Apparently I'll have to go to night shift, but that's O.K. with me if that's what I have to do. I honestly feel that I can make a difference in the time that I'm there. I want to be able to help those mommas out there. I realize that there will be many who come in who want every intervention that we have to offer, and I'm going to have to learn to come to terms with that. But I think it will be worth it, not only to get into that environment and get some experience, but also to help me solidify in my mind which direction I want to go after school.

I went to Bally's today and had my appointment with my personal trainer. I almost passed out after 45 minutes with her. Seriously. I was lightheaded and dry heaving. Yes, people, I am OUT OF SHAPE! I already knew that, but I was a bit surprised to see exactly how bad of shape I am in. My weight has actually been holding steady, but my endurance is in the crapper. Well, on the bright side, it was a real wake-up call for me, and I'm committing myself to make some major changes for my health. My trainer said that, if I work my tucchus off, I can meet my fitness goal in approximately 37 weeks. That's better than I thought! I figured it would take more than a year. But seriously, that's about 9 months. I can do that. Nine months that will effect the rest of my life...

It's getting hot in Fresno. It's hit the 100-degree mark already. Yuck.

Well, it looks like we might have found a house to rent! It's 1300 s.f., 3/1 with a detached garage, hardwood and tile floors, a chain-link and privacy-fenced backyard with a separately fenced garden area. It has an orange tree, peach tree, the neighbor's lemon tree that hangs over the back end of the property, a kumquat tree, a walnut tree, and sage, mint, and lemon grass in a planter that's staying. The garden area looks like it's been roughly tilled already, but needs some tending. My grandfather got me interested in square-foot gardening, which I plan to use in my little yard, should we end up getting the house. Also interesting, I found, was a Native American practice called Three Sisters gardening. I may just do Three Sisters first, as we will be in the end of June once I start plant (again, hinging on whether or not we get the house) and it'll take less time to do that than to make a bunch of 4x4 boxes for my square-foot garden. I don't know...I'll have to see how it goes. It has a doggy-door (which Ziggy will LOVE), and appliances including washer and dryer come with it. It has central heat and air, as well as a fireplace, furnace, and swamp cooler, so we could be a bit more energy efficient in days like these, where it's dry out and not yet stifling. We have been able to keep the air off and windows open for most days that we've been out here, although central air is practically a must in the 110+ degree summer days that the Valley experiences. We are, after all, right next to the Mojave Desert. Anyhoo, I'm really hoping that we get the house. The rent is more than reasonable, and the neighborhood is nice. Not ritzy or anything, just average, middle-class, well cared-for homes and people out mowing or working on their cars or landscaping on the weekends. I cruised the area, up and down streets 3 ways in either direction, and it's consistently nice. *fingers crossed*

Mother's Day...

2009-05-10T21:37:00.001-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to me! And to my awesome moms and all mothers out there! I have a grand total of four moms. Yep, four. Closest to my heart are my lovely mother, Mary Sutherland, and my longsuffering step-mother, Nina Greenwood (a.k.a MamaG). They have both played such huge parts in my life, in making me who I am today. Also in the mom-roll are Mary Murray, my mother-in-law, and Janet Dempsey, my step-mother-in-law. I'm grateful for all of these wonderful women who have played their own role in my life.

As for my Mother's Day, it was nice! I got to sleep in a little bit, then a friend of ours watched the boys so we could do an afternoon movie and early dinner. When we went to pick them up, Deklan wanted to spend the night. We explained to him what that means, not just that he gets to stay till the movie is over, but he was going to sleep over there and not see us till the morning. He was a bit tearful and said that he would miss us, but he really wanted to stay. So, Deklan is officially on his first sleep-over! I'm so sad...I miss him more than I thought I would. I know that probably sounds terrible, but it's true! I miss the little things, like checking in on him while he sleeps, and bundling him up in the morning to drive me to work, gathering up Poochie and Milo (his favorite stuffed animals) and his trains, and hearing his little voice from the backseat in the morning saying "There's the train!" (we drive by a train station every morning), to which I always reply "There it is!" *sigh* My mommy heart is broken. I thought for sure we'd get a phone call this evening saying that he wanted to come home, but we didn't. He's fine. I've called and he's doing great. I miss my baby!!! All in all, though, I had a really great day.

For my Mother's Day gift, Travis is helping me add to my library. He got me two books, Your Best Birth by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein, and Pushed by Jennifer Block. I read a little bit of each tonight and got all fired up...poor Travis! He always gets an earful! Books like that get me to thinking...should I pursue a career in homebirth/birthing home midwifery, or should I also practice in a hospital? I never thought that I'd want to work in a hospital. But statistics are overwhelming. Blogs like "Nursing Birth" also inspire me to try to help the women who want or have to go to the hospital to have their baby, and do it naturally. They shouldn't have to fight to get what they want. I suppose things will unfold the way that they are meant to be.

So, here I sit. A mother to two precious little boys. I could not ask for bigger blessings in my life. I have a husband who loves us all and is a wonderful father to our children. I have Deklan, my wild, silly, sensitive firstborn who awes me every day by his growing personality. And I have Gavin, my stubborn, sweet, and affectionate baby who awes me every day by his tenacity and love for everyone around him. By the way, he cut another front tooth today! The Lord has truly blessed me beyond what I ever deserved. He lent these boys to me for a time, and I hope and pray that I can do right by them. Deklan's newest spurt of independence made us think today...one of these days he'll be in school, falling for girls, driving, dating, getting married...I can't imagine my baby driving a car! Already almost 5 years has gone by since my first child was born. I want nothing more than to be a good mother to them, to set a good example so that when they do get to that age, they won't depart from the way they should go.

Order out of chaos?

2009-05-08T16:22:00.000-07:00

O.K. So this week hasn't exactly gone as planned, but you have to be flexible, right? I ended up working on days that I was supposed to have off, and having classes on the days that I DID have "off". But all in all, we've done good! We haven't gone out for dinner, for starters. Monday went as planned. Tuesday I ended up cooking instead of doing frozen, since I had a class resulting in a half-day. Wednesday was ALL fouled up...our van started acting up and we had to have it towed to the dealership to get it fixed, all of which took up our entire evening. So we ended up eating some of the black bean salad with tortilla chips and a throw-together chicken noodle soup (two cans of Campbell's Country-style Chicken Noodle, one boiled chicken breast chopped, and a handful of sliced green onions). I didn't even eat last night...I just fell into bed in a state of utter exhaustion after a glass of chocolate milk. So, I'm off for the next three days, so I should be able to cook as planned! Not too shabby, considering that "life happens". Our printer went on the blink, but it's back to normal and I'm going to print off those pages from that site and start using them.

I'm planning on re-hennaing my hair tonight. Speaking of which, I have to go mix the henna and lemon so it can start releasing. Oh, and thanks for the comments, people! I know, it was only two and I'm a little lame, but I love the fact that people read and care enough to comment. You rock, people!

Just a little aside...Jack Johnson is the bomb. The bomb, I say. And Matt Nathanson is pretty awesome, too.

Finding some order...

2009-05-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try a weekly menu plan. This is just the first part of my attempt to organize our lives. I'm tired of shopping with the best intentions to cook good meals for dinner, but end up with half of the food that I buy either going bad or not going toward the meals that I thought I would be cooking. We found ourselves eating a lot of cereal and sandwiches and take-out, eating like a family of bachelors! So, here's the plan: I'm letting breakfast go as a "free meal" for now, you can have the food of your choice. Lunch is a little more structured, but not totally planned out, since I'm not home for four out of seven lunches in a week. They can have meat-and-cheese or p.b. & j. sandwiches, or tuna or chicken salad. I think the boys will end up eating more sandwiches and Trav more salads. I want to have fresh veggies and fruits washed and sliced, ready for snacking. I'm also going to make a batch of my mom's black bean salsa, which is awesome as a salsa with tortilla chips or by itself as a bean salad. I'm going to try to do more produce shopping at the farmer's market, which is every Saturday morning and Wednesday afternoon. A good "fallback" meal for is is breakfast burritos, which we all love. So just in case I don't feel like cooking a whole meal, we won't have an excuse for take-out as long as there is breakfast burrito stuff in the house! I'm allowing myself one prefab frozen meal per week for now, until I can stockpile a few homemade frozen meals. I like Stouffer's lasagna, and it's easy. And we're going to have salad with every meal. Now, for the meal plan. Monday will be shrimp scampi with steamed green beans and salad. Tuesday will be my frozen meal day, with salad. Wednesday will be Dempsey stew (Trav's name for a throw-together favorite, sort of a chicken with savory sauce over mashed potatoes) with salad. Thursday will be baked ziti with garlic bread and salad. Friday is either baked or pan-seared fish with rice pilaf, a seasonal veg of my choosing (I'll decide once I'm at the market), and salad. Saturday will be beef gravy over noodles with mixed veggies and salad. Sunday we'll eat up all of the leftovers while I prepare for the following week. This plan just might work. I have a list made of ingredients for the week, now I just have to look in the fridge, freezer, and pantry to see what I have on hand and what I need, then I'll go shopping. I want to try to prep veggies and salad fixin's ahead of time each week. This might just work. I am also planning on getting a binder together with the help of the Organized Home website so that we can gradually get our lives organized. Lists are good around here. We thrive on lists, because Trav and I are both forgetful. Even Deklan has a chore chart, so he can be reminded of what he has to do every day. And I welcome any help that I can get!

Our insurance should be in effect by now, much to our relief! Our plan provides for 24 chiropractic visits per year per person, which you'd better believe we're going to be using! I have to look around for a holistic/natural-minded pediatrician and/or family practice in the area. I have one in mind, but I need to do an interview or two. One practice that I have in mind are a husband (doctor)/wife(FNP/CNM) team here, which sounds really good. I guess I'll see. And we're in desperate need of the dentist! Both boys have at least one cavity, Trav needs work done, and I haven't had a cleaning in WAY too long! I haven't worn glasses in over a year (they got crunched, and we couldn't afford to replace them), and Trav needs a new prescription. I'm so grateful for insurance!

We're watching the Stanley Cup playoffs right now. Second round of the series, second game of the round, Detroit Red Wings vs. the Anaheim Ducks. We are, of course, rooting for the Wings and not the "home team". We had our Red Wings magnet stolen off of our van and one of our tail-lights busted out. That's Fresno for you. They're at the Joe today, and seem to have some good mojo going. I hope they win. In fact, I hope we sweep the Ducks (we won the first game). We've done awesome so far this year, and I and REALLY hoping there is another Stanley Cup in our future. Two years in a row...you can do it, boys!! I have to say, the leadership is stellar with my boy Nicklas Lidstrom as the captain (*ahem*...no offense meant to Yzerman...we miss you Stevie!).

Well, I'll be a monkey's...aunt?

2009-05-01T22:12:00.000-07:00

People DO read my blog! Or at least visit it. Or skim it. Feedjit is pretty cool, and thanks to anyone who stops by! I know this blog is a bit scrambled. I have a feeling, though, that it'll take a more definite turn in the winter, as I start school. In the meantime...

I got involved in a conversation at work today. There's a nurse that I work with who will be giving birth sometime in the next two months. She was on her lunch break with a few other girls, and I walked into the childbirth conversation. These are the times that I just have to shut my lips and listen, and not put my two cents in until I'm asked, rather than spouting my views on childbirth. There was the inevitable horror story part, and the epidural discussion, followed by someone talking about how they LAUGHED at their sister while she was in labor because she wanted to do it naturally and was having a difficult time managing labor. Yep, you read right...the support person laughed at a mother in labor and told her she should have had the epidural! Nice. Anyhoo, finally the conversation reaches me and someone says "Jessica, don't I remember you saying that you had a waterbirth?" Finally, my invitation to the conversation! I told them about the births of my sons, and how, although I am not one of those blessed women for whom childbirth is not painful, even orgasmic, I found the pain to be quite manageable. I explained how it was all in the mindset, how to look at the pain as good and productive, how to relax with it and let it work. New-momma-to-be mentioned how she's been to the L&D floor and heard women screaming, which led to a conversation about making low noises rather than screaming, etc. New-momma-to-be is still pretty set on the epidural, saying that she wishes she could just have her baby without giving birth, and having an epidural and sleeping through the whole thing is the closest she can get to that, but I hope I at least planted a seed. If not in her mind, maybe in some of the other girls' minds. I was recently asked by someone that I work with to put together an instruction booklet to understanding your fertility. So strange to me that a woman could ebb and flow through her cycle every month and not even understand the mechanics of it. Bodies are ignored, and when I mention things like knowing when I ovulate, things that I don't even think twice about, I get all kinds of "well how in the world can you know when you ovulate?? By taking a test??" type of questions. *sigh* It's so simple to understand your body. I've recently gotten a couple of people interested in moon cycles at work. Some people think I'm just the crazy hippie on the floor, but other people listen and ask questions.

Speaking of work, I've been approached about another leadership position. My manager is looking for a handful of nurses to become "epilepsy nurses". We have a room on our floor with continuous surveillance and remote EEG capabilities, and we'll soon have 3 more rooms like that, tallying a total of 8 potential seizure rooms. That's two nurses with 4 patients apiece. We're to be trained in the specifics surrounding epilepsy, treatments, tests, etc. Pretty cool, I think. I also have two classes this month for Epic superuser training. I've used the Epic system before, so when my manager heard that, she pounced and asked if I'd take the classes so that I can train the nurses on the floor. And I'll be doing the resource thing too, as I previously mentioned. It's wild how a few years of experience in a lot of areas (travel and registry/agency) opens a lot of doors for advancement. My manager comes to me about so many things. I have to admit that it's flattering, although slightly scary. I was thinking about it all today and decided that I was going to go for it all, and try to get comfortable again in leadership roles. That kind of attitude will come in handy once I'm a midwife, and running a birthing home!

I wish...

2009-04-30T09:29:00.000-07:00

...that someone out there would read my blog. I know it's more of a web journal than anything, but still it would be nice if someone cared enough to read it.

::edit::

O.K....that sounded a little dejected. I've been having a rough day, the kind where nothing at all goes as planned and you just feel defeated. It'll be a better day tomorrow. Thanks for putting up with my pity party, if there's anyone out there reading this in the first place...

Again delayed...

2009-04-25T21:39:00.000-07:00

...school, that is. Due to family events going on in August, I couldn't make it for Frontier Bound, the 3-4 day orientation required by the school. I can't very well miss weddings!! So, I'm putting it off one more semester. But come what may, I'm going to have my application in for August so I can start the winter term. I'm DYING to be a midwife. It consumes me. I think about it every day. I look up houses in the area where we plan on settling down and think about how it would be converted into a birthing home. Of course, that's a LONG way away, but a girl can dream, can't she? I am finding sources for herbs and supplies, and collecting books for my borrowing library. I know exactly what I want, I just have to get there!! Another thing I thought of...I would like to have one or two La Bassine pools of my own so mommas who couldn't afford to rent one or buy one would still be able to have a home water birth. If someone can afford it, I'd "rent" it out for about $40 ($25 for the throw-away liner and $15 for wear-and-tear) or so. The thing that made me think of that was my best friend. She and her husband are missionaries, and they're living on a shoestring budget. Their midwife didn't charge much for her services (I guess it was considered a charitable donation to let most of the fees slide), but she still couldn't afford a pool. In the end, they ended up with a little extra cash and rented one. But I would love to be able to offer that to my mommas so they have one less thing to worry about. Kneelingwoman has been talking about things that interest me in her blog. About doing what you love, and not necessarily for monetary gain. I would love to offer my services as a midwife without charging a nickel, but I simply couldn't live. However, I would love to offer my services at either a nominal fee or no fee at all for women who can't afford a midwife. I'd love to tell them that I'd be honored to attend them during their pregnancy and subsequent birth for nothing, and see the look of relief on their face. My best friend, LoLo and myself have a dream of me being a midwife and her being a doula and the two of us working together as a homebirth/birthing home team. How cool would THAT be?!? I seriously could not imagine a better situation. Now, I will be shocked if that actually happens. They are missionaries, as I mentioned before. So they'd have to come off the field and move to Michigan for my dream to come true. Well, stranger things have happened.

So, I've had a bit of a dilemma lately. I find myself becoming more...uh..."crunchy" as time goes by. I hesitate to even use that word, but I can't think of any other word at the moment. Kinda' hippie-ish. I've always have "hippie tendencies", according to my friends and family, but it took me a long time to come into my own. I grew up as a pastor's child with all of the pressures that come with it, then going through my parents' divorce, both of them re-marrying, etc. During this time I went from the "innocent pastor's kid" to a rebel, then from a rebel to a repentant "super-Christian". I look back at myself then and shake my head. I was so wrong about so many things. I suppose being over-zealous is better than being a heathen, but I digress. So, in the last 6-7 years, I've learned a lot about life. I got married, left my parents' house, and had to start making important decisions with my husband rather than having them made for me. Instead of just taking things as they were told to me, I began to THINK. Things that I had been told I began to STUDY to see whether these things were so, rather than just take someone's word for it. And the more that I study, the more that I see that we Baptists are just as traditional as Catholics when it comes to...well...traditions. And that's what they are. They're not doctrines, although they are treated as such. I said all of that to say this: I am not the person I used to be. And I hope to continue to grow, to continue to find a balance. The dilemma is, strangely, this blog. I have several friends that I could share this blog with, but I think they would think that I'm a total heathen. I think their opinions of me would change. As it is, our life's situation is "un-Biblical", in that my husband stays home and I work at the moment. Well, debt is un-Biblical, too! The Bible tells us to owe no man. So what is worse, me working to get debt paid off (because I make substantially more than Trav), or going bankrupt and not paying people back the money that we owe them? Also, my hippie tendencies will probably make them think that I've gone off the deep end. They'll think I've gone all new age on them, and that I'm probably not even saved. *sigh* Maybe I'm totally off-base. But I know how our crew is. I used to be that way. I still desire nothing more than a close walk with my Lord. I read my Bible, pray, and go to church. I attend extra meetings when I can. I pray with my kids, and for my kids. I pray for guidance in our decision-making. I'm not a heathen. I'm just different now. I'm not "backslidden". And part of my learnings over the years has shown me that I shouldn't care what people think of me. I am who I am. But the hard part is that I've known these people for years, and what they think DOES matter to me! Since I've been on the other side, I know that they'll just shake their heads and say that I'm backslidden, and that I don't even see it because my eyes are blinded. But the sad thing is that it's exactly opposite. How many times was I wrong in judging someone's spiritual situation by their life's circumstances? How often did I take a holier-than-thou attitude without even realizing that's what I was doing? Well, I am who I am. I'm going to share my blog. Let people think what they will. The BIBLE is the source of fellowship with God, and the FINAL WORD on how we are to live our lives, not the teachings of men. I'm happy with me, the way that I am. My husband is happy with me and the way that I am. My kids love me and are well cared-for. Could I really ask for more?

I need to rant a little bit.

2009-04-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

O.K., so I had a bit of a bad day at work. It wasn't anything hugely atrocious, just a bunch of little things. I started off my day without caffeine, which wasn't good. But I got a cup of Earl Grey in me and felt much better. My group was heavy today, high acuity. I had two patients who had tracheostomies and PEG tubes and required total care, frequent suctioning, etc. My other two patients consisted of another total-care patient with slightly lower acuity, and a young lady with a husband who's being investigated for domestic violence who was at the bedside all day (so there was an extreme family dynamic there). Three of my four patients had multiple lines, needed meds to be crushed, were in restraints, etc. I had PEG care to do, trach care, two IV's went bad, and another patient ran a temperature and needed pan-culturing (blood, sputum, and urine), which required suctioning a trach, straight-cathing the patient, and two difficult sticks for the blood cultures. That's just a taste of how my morning went. So, by the afternoon, everyone was well cared-for, but my charting was backed up. Just as I sit down to gather myself and start charting, my supervisor comes to me and tells me I'm getting an admission on the Stroke hall. That's around the corner and on the opposite side of the Neurosurgery unit that I was on! What's more, the patient had already had three witnessed seizures that day, so he needed to be watched carefully. My problem wasn't so much that I had a heavy group already, or that I was getting an admission on top of it. It was that it was UNSAFE to have a patient who needed close monitoring so far away from the rest of my patients. I had to leave my restrained, trached, needing-to-be-suctioned patients to watch over my seizure patient, or leave my seizure patient to tend to my others. I spoke with my manager about this. She values my opinion, even though I've only been there for a short time. I know I'm young, but I've been around the country in about a dozen different hospitals. I've seen things run well, and I've seen things run terribly. I've seen what works and what doesn't. Anyway, when I was talking to my boss, I mentioned that, when I was charge nurse, I took a patient or two (or even three!) if we were getting slammed with admissions or if my nurses were sinking. And that was only two years out of school! I'm grateful to Cheryl, the nurse who mentored me in those early years and taught me not only good nursing practice, but leadership as well. Back to my tale...my boss was surprised when I said that. Then another nurse chimed in and mentioned that his charge did the same thing where he came from. It's not a big deal to take a patient. One patient is easy, and it boosts the morale of your nurses and helps them get their work done safely. I wrapped up my night at 8:30 pm, an hour after my shift ended. I had to stay and finish the charting on which I was so behind. All of my patients were fine, and my admit didn't have any more seizures, so it's all good. I hope things change soon. The sad thing is that it's only that one charge nurse who does that. The others at least TRY to keep your patients close together, at least on the same UNIT. *sigh* Well, there are new positions coming up, a super-resource nurse of sorts, three per shift with 17 patients and their nurses under their wing. This nurse is to help in any way she can, and would all but eliminate problems like what I had today. My boss has already approached me for one of the positions. It's a lateral "promotion", but it would allow me to become a certified Neuro nurse and exercise my leadership roles without actually being charge nurse. Geez...I usually try to keep work out of my blog, but I just needed to get this out of my system. I feel better. And tired.

On the lighter side of life, I'm working on a baby blanket for Leslie, a girl at work who will be having a little girl soon! It's a super soft and squooshy pink-and-purple boucle yarn. If I have enough yarn leftover, I'll knit a little matching hat. I'm still working on Scott and Donna's blanket as well. I want to make some appliqued burp cloths for Leslie's babe as well, if I have the time. This Mama Makes Stuff has a great tutorial on how to dye and make them. Also, I want to try my hand at converting vintage t-shirts into baby sleepers, also a tutorial from This Mama Makes Stuff. Or was it Little Birdie Secrets? I don't remember...I look at both of their blogs so often, sometimes their contents and ideas blur together in my brain.

Once we figure out how to upload pics from our camera to the Mac (I think we just have to use a USB cable rather than inserting our memory card), I have some pics to post on here. But for now I'm going to do some work on Trav's blog, then shower and sit in the recliner with a cup of Sleepytime laced with honey and a hot pack to my aching shoulder. Hmmmmm...that sounds so good!

Sick again...

2009-04-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

Well, I am not sick, but Gavin is. My tonsils have been swollen and looking like I was trying to get tonsillitis (inflamed, red, pus...yuck), but I'm doing much better now. Gavin, on the other hand, has a rotavirus. Nice. We just finally were well enough to go to church, thoroughly enjoyed Sunday's services, and now we have another sick kid. Why is it that every time we go to church, someone gets sick? Anyhoo, poor little dude has been so puny, I spent most of my night being vomited on or cleaning up vomit. I got about two hours of sleep all together, then spent the morning from about 6am cleaning up the aftermath, doing load after load of laundry, and trying desperately to suck down a couple of cups of coffee. Today I cleaned everything and whipped out the Purell, hoping that the rest of the family can avoid getting sick. Incubation period after infection is about two days for rotavirus, so there's a good chance one of us is already infected and we don't even know it! Anyway, I'm hoping to get a decent night's sleep tonight in my own bed (instead of the recliner...if I layed Gavin down, he vomited), without being covered in puke. On the bright side, at least I didn't have a chance to procrastinate doing the laundry...

Ideas...

2009-04-12T14:40:00.000-07:00

* An adjustable maternity support belt that is pretty and can hold a hot pack to your back.

* Birth is power with peace, strength with surrender...

* Words that come to mind when I think of labor and birth (things I repeated to myself over and over and over again...): open...breathe...relax...calm...peace...strength...sway...

I'm getting some thoughts together for some ideas that I've got rambling around in my head, if I ever get to them. I just wanted to jot these things down so I wouldn't forget. If anyone has any suggestions for words that you think of when you think of birth, feel free to share!

Travis is blogging!

2009-04-12T01:46:00.000-07:00

Trav has been poking fun at me for the last year for my activity online, my forums and blogging. Now guess who's hooked!! Bwahahahaha!!! He's all over his favorite forums and has not one but TWO blogs that I set up for him. I have told him several times in the past that I love my blog, not because people actually read it, but because it's a way to get my thoughts out in print so I can rest my brain. When I have insomnia because my thoughts are racing, I blog. When I have a good idea or I'm excited about something, I blog. When I'm happy or sad about something, I blog. It's such a good way to keep a journal, while keeping family members apprised of your life goings-on, and is WAY faster to type than to write, or for me it is anyway. I took a typing test the other day and I type about 60 words per minute with good accuracy! Woohoo, I've still got it!! I took typing in 9th grade and I am still a little bit good at it!

Newport Beach trip pics...

2009-03-30T00:48:00.001-07:00

I'm going to have to do these pics in two parts, since I want to publish more than five pics. Anyhoo, here's Deklan's shirt from Uncle Scott and Aunt Donna...too cute!

J-Bo and Ambo's wedding annoucement...congrats, you two lovebirds! These pics were taken during a very long, cold, windy winter walk on Newport Beach.

Deklan learning to "give some dap" from Uncle Scott...

Donna and the up-cycled t-shirt yarn bag that I made for her. She also announced during the trip that she is preggo with their first babe!! Congrats, momma!

A close-up of the bag. I loved this one so much, if I could have kept it for myself, I would have. But I think the bag matches Donna's personality really well, so I couldn't justify keeping it. Maybe I can find another groovy tie-dye shirt and complimenting colors to make a bag for me!

To be continued in the next post...

More Newport Beach pics...

2009-03-30T00:17:00.000-07:00

Here are a few more pics from the Newport Beach trip. There are many more...I'll put them on my myspace if any family members out there want to see them!

The obligatory in-front-of-the-Christmas-tree pic. It was the first week of December. I love my boys!

My silly husband and brothers-in-law, wearing the bags that I crocheted for Amber, Janet, and Donna (respectively) as rasta hats.
This is as close to surfing as Trav got at Huntington Beach. Scott and J-bo rented boards and tried, but they barely made it out past the break. The waves were about shoulder-high for the most part, and there were actually a few that were overhead. I tried to tell them that the waves were bigger than they seemed, but they didn't listen to the old surfer-chick. Hey, just because I haven't surfed in ages doesn't mean that I've forgotten everything! Well, at least they can say that they surfed Huntington Beach...that's one thing I can't say!

I loved this...the look of bliss on Deklan's face, with the remnants of the Pacific sunset in the background...
If Trav wasn't being a total dork and Gavin wasn't sound asleep in the sling, this would have been an awesome family pic. It's still one of my favs of the bunch. The chick in the foreground is my new sister-in-law-to-be, Amber. Welcome to the family, chickadee!

Going back to the Spark...

2009-03-29T09:20:00.000-07:00

I went back on Sparkpeople.com for the first time in a long time today. Trav and I joined Bally's the other day (great deal going on till the end of the month!), and he's been dropping pounds without even trying just by cutting out junk food. I cut out junk and nothing happens. *sigh* I have more weight to lose than he does, and I have to put forth more effort to lose it, so I'd better get a move on! I was thinking of some things I could do to help me lose weight more efficiently. In 13 weeks, I could lose approximately 25 lbs., if I try REEEEEALLY hard. That would put me a a pre-first-pregnancy weight! Not quite to my goal, but close. Anyhoo, I was thinking of some things that helped me lose weight. The first was getting up in the morning and drinking two big glasses of water first thing, and take my vitamins. That starts me off with a quarter of my water intake already in, plus a full tummy and a balanced start to the day. The second was to eat a good breakfast. Even if it's a smoothie on the run, at least I'll be getting protein, fiber, and fruit servings. The third is working out whenever I can. This will be easier now that I'm a gym member again, and the gym has kid care. That makes all the difference in the world to me. Now that I'm working full-time again, and working day shift to boot, I'm really active during the day...less sitting on the day shift as compared to the night shift. That should help as well, when coupled with better diet and less intake. The fourth is meal preparation. It helps a LOT to have salad fixings all prepared in the fridge so that all I have to do is open a few containers and throw a little bit of this and a little bit of that in a bowl for a salad. That an having some good stand-bys already made, like chicken and shrimp salad, and cubed cooked chicken to throw on top of salads, hard boiled eggs, that sort of thing...quick, good quality protein for snacks or quick meals. I need to do this. I need to do it for me. I want to be healthy. I'll probably never be thin, and I don't care. I just want to be healthy, have some endurance, and look better. I hate seeing pictures of myself and sighing and wishing I were more fit. Having said that, I got some pictures of the family from our Newport Beach trip, and they were actually pretty decent. I'll throw them in on the next post.

I had a dream last night that I was pregnant. Wishful thinking, I guess. This cycle is all off anyway...when I got sick with that terrible stomach flu, it came about a week late. Now my moon cycle is not coinciding with my biological cycle, and everything is just whack. Oh, well. Maybe it will get back in synch on its own. Speaking of pregnancy, Trav talked to Scott yesterday. Donna and the baby are doing well, and she's showing! Baby bellies are so awesome, especially when it's your own! I remember how I felt when I woke up one morning and suddenly I had a little bump. Then the bump grew and grew, and people started noticing that you're pregnant, and you had to start wearing maternity clothes because nothing else would fit. I love it! And I'll bet Donna is the cutest little momma in the world!

I want to grow a patio garden. Some herbs, some veggies, and some flowers. I've been looking into the best ways to do it. I wonder if we should wait until we settle in somewhere long-term? Well, planting season is pretty much here, although I suppose I could start a little bit late. I also want a worm farm after we settle in somewhere, for composting and castings for my plants.

Are some people just more balanced than others? Why do I almost constantly feel like I'm having a hard time balancing my life? Is it because I'm a multi-purpose mom? I just feel like I'm falling a bit short in the wife and mom department from time to time, because of work and all. Surely there's a way to make it work. And throwing in school in a few months (hopefully), how is it all going to work? I know it CAN work, I just don't see it. Trav is taking on more and more in the cooking and cleaning department, which makes things considerably easier. That's how it will work. We will work together, as we always do.

The Mac is good! I'm still figuring it all out, but I'm comfortable on the internet now, anyway. I was using the PC for mostly everything up till a couple of days ago.

We're watching Matthew today. A nurse that I work with was having a hard time finding childcare for her 4-year-old on weekends, so I figured a little "mad money" for Trav and a friend for Deklan would be good. It's working out well so far, and it's a load off for Maria, so it's all good.

Computers and kiddos...

2009-03-26T14:28:00.000-07:00

Well, here I am, typing my first blog on our brand new Mac! Yup, we've made the switch from PC to Mac...a difficult transition, I'll tell you. Not because I LIKE our PC, mind you, just the switch in operating systems, and this little Mac keyboard. We still have our old faithful Gateway, we're just sick to death of the bugs that have come along with Vista. Vista is the devil. Really. It has its perks, but they're not perky enough to make us stay with PC! Right now Trav has both computers set up on the desk while he continues to overhaul his Revelation project...he calls it his "command center". Then the Mac will be our day-to-day computer and the PC will be my school computer. We're going to keep it, de-buggify it, and upgrade it so Trav can do his PC gaming and all, and I won't have to worry about the computer spontaneously shutting down every few minutes because of a bug that we're currently fighting. So, I'm going to spend part of the night tinkering around in Mac-world, trying to get familiar with it.

So, I ended up having to take Deklan to an urgent care Sunday. He's been sick for a couple of weeks, and while the rest of the family got over the flu after a couple of weeks, Deklan just never got better. So he ran a fever for two days Friday and Saturday, then Sunday was his first day without a fever. I thought we were seeing the light at the end of the tunnel when he broke out in a rash. I had seen this rash before...it was scarlet fever. My poor little man had strep! So, off to the Doc, a super nice guy, who took one look at his throat and tonsils and pronounced my diagnosis correct, looked at the rash and confirmed scarlet fever, gave him a shot of Rocephin and a prescription for Amoxicillin and we were on our way. Deklan is already so much better, back to his rambunctious self. I missed him! Gavin is almost well, his cough has turned dry and his nose is drying up nicely.

I spent a few hours this morning at a spa! My wonderful husband had scheduled a massage for me behind my back! It was really heaven, so relaxing and refreshing. The massage therapist asked about the degree of pressure that I liked for the deep-tissue massage...I replied that I like it as hard as she can do it without breaking bones, which made her chuckle. Almost 40 minutes of hands, forearms, and elbows in my back and shoulders later, I was free of the knots that plague me! Then I got a not-so-deep rest of the body massage. Then I sat for a while in the sauna, then the steam room till I looked red like a lobster. It was so nice! Trav and I are determined to start taking better care of ourselves. We've been doing a lot better as far as eating well and eating less, and have been losing weight just from that alone. But we're going to the local Bally's this afternoon to take a tour of the gym and childcare center to see if we want to join up. They're having a pretty rockin' special right now, and there's a gym about a mile from our house. We'll see how it goes. I'd love to start working out again. I love how I feel when I'm working out. I just feel better about myself, plus I feel relaxed, and I sleep better. I'd like to get in shape before I get pregnant again. Since it looks like we'll be trying again around July, it looks like I've got about 3-4 months to lose some weight and establish a routine so I won't fall out of it when I do conceive. They have awesome classes and yoga (joy!!), and aqua classes at a different location that would be great for the later months of pregnancy. When I got pregnant with Gavin, I was in a good schedule as far as working out. Then morning sickness kicked my butt and I didn't go to the gym anymore after that. I would love to try to have a healthy pregnancy, one that would also be conducive to an easier labor...or at least more endurance, anyway. I plan on drinking my teas and taking my vitamins religiously and continuing to work out even if I don't want to. Might help my back pain, too. I suppose if I really worked out and watched my diet, I could lose about 20-25 lbs before we start trying.

Time to clean the house. Blah.

What a busy month!

2009-03-20T16:12:00.000-07:00

I can't believe it's been a month since I last posted! We've all been sick and busy, so I suppose that's why this month has flown.

I decided to stay on at Community. They're offering me a good rate of pay, a relocation bonus, and a sign-on bonus, all of which will help our end cause of getting out of debt. I sure didn't see this coming! We came out here with the intent to travel, hopefully get to Redding so Travis could go back to school, be out here for a couple of years, then leave. Now, we find that all of our plans changed, which is fine. We've learned a lot in these last couple of years about flexibility!! Now I am the one going back to school, we never made it to Redding, and we're staying in Fresno for two years! Talk about a complete 180! Strangely enough, though, Trav and I are both fine with it. We just figure this is the direction God's leading us into, and that's good. We both have a real peace about this path. We're hoping to be able to find a house to live in, instead of an apartment. We like this apartment, but it's upstairs (we drive our downstair neighbors bananas, I'm sure), and we'd love to have a yard for the kids and Ziggy.

The whole family has been sick. Sick, sick, sick! I'm pretty sure it's the flu, as severe as it's been. Thankfully, the stomach affliction part is over with us all, but we're all still battling the respiratory side. Deklan is taking the worst of it, as he often does. Ever since he had RSV as a baby, any cold or bug that he gets hits his lungs so hard, and it's difficult for him to shake it. I'm a bit worried at this point that he could develop pneumonia. We don't have insurance right now, as my benefits don't start until 30 days after my date of hire. If he's not improving over the weekend, we're going to take him to a walk-in clinic. I'm pumping him full of fluids, giving him steam showers and expectorants, and he's resting plenty. I just hope that he's going to be O.K. without having to go to the doctor.

I guess that's about it for now. Gavin is yelling and Deklan is puny, so I must tend to them.

My hair is red!

2009-02-13T20:21:00.000-08:00

Here are some pics of my adventures in henna-land so far! The top two are "before" pictures, with and without the flash (so you can see the difference in bright light and dim light). The middle pic is what 300 grams of Punjabi Prime henna prepared for hair looks like. I skipped pics of the process because it was so messy without a camera involved, and I skipped a pic of me with a hennaed-hair-with-Saran-wrap-beehive going on because I just looked silly. Then the bottom two pics are the results, day one! Probably should have worn the same colored shirt for the pics, but the light purple one got henna on it...I told you it was messy!!!

Henna!

2009-02-13T03:13:00.000-08:00

I did it. I hennaed my hair. I took "before" pics, and am photo-documenting my adventures thru henna-land. I actually just stepped out of the shower from rinsing it all out, and since it's still wet, I'm going to wait till the morning to snap an "after" pic. And, according to my research, henna oxidizes after it's on the hair and darkens to a deeper shade after 3-4 days, so I suppose I'll have to take another pic then. Right off the bat, I LOVE the results!! I got 400 grams of Punjabi Prime body-art quality henna from mehandi.com, which was more than enough for my mid-back length hair. I actually only mixed up 300 grams, and still have a baggie of mix left over in the freezer for root touch-ups. So that leaves me with 100 grams to do with as I please...there are some girls at work who want to try it, so I might give them some. Or I might try a little bit of body-art on my feet and see how that goes. Or I might just hang onto it for the next henna episode. I have to say, it was a bit messier than I thought it would be, and SO heavy! Once I had my hair up in a saran-wrapped beehive, it weighed a least 5 lbs more than it normally does! It felt so good to wash it out. Next time I might recruit Travis, or see if there's a salon in the area that would apply it for me if I bring in the mixed henna. Anyhoo, I'll post pics over the next day or so.

On the workfront, all is well. My manager has officially offered me a full-time day position as staff, and HR is supposed to call me tomorrow to give me an offer. We'll see how all that goes. I DO know that they're not planning on using travelers on that floor anymore past the summer. There will be travel positions available elsewhere in the hospital, but I want to stay on the 9th floor. I like it there. If for some reason I don't take the staff job, I MIGHT be able to extend once, but after that I'll have to leave. I hope we get to stay.

A time to wait...

2009-02-05T19:09:00.001-08:00

So, after looking at the application for Frontier, I realized a few things. First off, I'm just going to have to apply for the CNM program first, then do the FNP later if I have the money. I just don't know if I can commit to doing both programs at once, not knowing how I'm going to finance it. Since midwifery is the direction in which I am DEFINITELY going and FNP is just a "perk" to make my awesome-continuity-of-care dream true, I'm going to go for midwifery first. Also, I realized there's no way I'm going to have all of my paperwork/references/transcripts together in time to have the whole lot sent out and arrived by February 14th (the deadline for starting school in the summer), so I'm just going to have to send it in as soon as I can and meet the deadline to start in the fall. That's good, in a way. We'll have a chance to figure out what in the world we're doing, find out if we're going to go staff here or not, etc. Kinda' bums me out a little bit, but it's also a relief in a way, to know that I have a little bit of time to formulate my answers to some of the questions on the application carefully, make sure that everything is together and professional-looking, etc.

I'm at a weird spot in my life. Since Gavin was born, we've had a couple of pregnancy "scares" that turned out to be nothing. We had one such episode a week or so ago. But now, instead of feeling glad that I'm not pregnant and being relieved, I find that I'm sad. I wish I were pregnant. I miss it. I would love to have another baby. I would love to have a blooming belly again. Baby fever? I don't really think so. But these emotions make me wonder if it's not time that we start thinking again about having another baby. I look at our life and think "My gosh, what terrible timing it would be if I get pregnant now!" But at the same time, neither of our sons were conceived at a "good" time. I thought I would want to wait another year or so before thinking about having another. But here I am, with such a desire. Strange. Maybe if we go staff here in Fresno and are in a solid place for a while, we'll talk about it.

**********************

Well, I just had a chance to sit over coffee and talk about this with Trav. We're both hoping that a long-term contract works out so we can stay in Fresno for a while longer. Well, Trav said that if, in 6 months we either go staff or have a long-term contract set up so we have some stability, he'd be all for trying again in July! I hope this actually happens!

A day of driving and thinking...

2009-02-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

We made our trip to San Francisco today, 2.5 hours one way, 5-6 hours round trip! That leaves a lot of time for me to talk and think and crochet. I finished my red wool tam, and I like it quite well! I would have taken a pic of it actually on my head (I wore it most of the day today), but I'm oiling my hair right this second and don't want olive oil all over my nice new creation. Came out rather nicely, did it not? It's mostly a double crochet, with a little accent close to the headband part, then the headband was decreased and a single crochet, with an eyelet row for a tie so it's more adjustable and doesn't slide around as much. Me likey! I'm going to have to make one in black or some other less bright color now, so I can wear it to work. I hate wearing my hair up all of the time, and this would allow me to wear it "down", but it would still be contained. Trav likes it, and tells me I'm turning into more of a hippie every day. I'm assuming that's a compliment?

After I write this post, I'm going to go back and see if I can paste in some pics of stuff from a couple of posts ago into the original post without totally screwing it up. My camera died and I couldn't find the battery charger while we were in Newport Beach, so I'm bugging my mother-in-law to email me pictures of Donna's t-shirt yarn bag. I love it so much! I totally wanted to keep it!

So, on to the "thinking" part of the trip. I'm so glad that I have a husband who's so supportive of my desires to go back to school! We've both gotten to the point where we can't imagine life any other way than me being a midwife. That's so awesome. Anyhoo, I'm not going to go on and on about midwifery, for once. We were discussing, instead, how we envision our life in the future. We hope to live on a decent plot of land, 5 acres at the minimum, hopefully more like 10+. We would love to have animals...chickens for laying, a milk cow for dairy and to hopefully calve once a year, providing us with meat for the freezer, a couple of goats (also for milk), maybe a few sheep for the wool, and a couple of horses for pleasure. We want a large garden, and fruit trees, and an herb garden. We want a simple life, one filled with family and the service of others. Our hope is that Travis will be in the ministry in some capacity, pastor or assistant pastor perhaps. And of course, I will be a midwife, with a home visit practice and hopefully with a birthing home. For all of our animals, we'd have to have a decent barn. It would be totally awesome to build a bunkhouse in the loft of the barn, like we had at the old 2x4 Ranch. It just had a bathroom, a ktichenette, and 4 "bunk" areas, for sleepovers and guests. Trav wants to be able to hunt, and we want to be able to build an awesome treehouse for the kiddos. We would both be in positions of service, and our living situation would also allow us to serve others. We could offer food to those without, our of our freezer, garden, and pantry (canning...woohoo!). We could offer shelter to someone who needs a hand to get on their feet, giving them privacy and allowing us to help without having people in our actual home (bunkhouses rock...). We would be almost totally self-sustaining, as far as food and basics go. I really hope our lives end up this way.

Trav took long enough from gaming to look at some pics of hennaed hair, and he's O.K. with it! So, I'll be placing an order, then I'm sure will have pictures to follow!

Trav just emptied the trash (being the good man that he is), and made a terrible face. Gavin is crying because he wants to play with the garbage, I guess. Travis told him that he doesn't want to play with it, because if it sat for much longer, it would have grown legs and hurt him! Ick...

I'm working two days, off one day, then working three days, so I don't think I'll be blogging that much for the next week-ish. Well, I'm off to shower the oil out of my hair...ta-ta for now!

I'm going to do it!

2009-01-31T11:21:00.000-08:00

I've made up my mind...I'm going back to school. And soon. I'm going to try to get my application and all of the necessary paperwork in by the middle of February so I can start school in June. I don't see the point of waiting any longer. I'll be doing school part-time, and I can only afford to do my CNM at the moment, but the point is that I'm starting. I'm going to have to go back to do my FNP at a later time. Oh, who knows...I have to have an interview with the dean before I'm accepted, and if we want to do both courses, we're expected to declare that at that time. Maybe I'll just dive in and hope and pray that it works out in the end. Speaking of diving in, we're also considering staying here in Fresno for a couple of years. Crazy, huh? If I can, I'm going to get an extension here at CRMC to see if it's really truly a place that I can stay and be happy for a while. I would end up taking a cut in pay, but they're offering contracts right now for one or two years that include a sizeable bonus and relocation pay. We'd be able to move our stuff from FL to CA and settle here. We're just trying to determine if it's worth it...is it worth a cut in pay and dealing with CA taxes and weather for a couple of years in order to have some stability and go to school, bearing the bonus in mind? I'm trying to think of a way to discuss this with my boss. I know that they'd hire me...they already have been trying to recruit me! I've been nicknamed "Smiley" since I apparently smile all of the time. Staff are begging me to stay. I really like the floor that I'm working on...it's the first place that I've worked at since Bay Med that I can say I've been truly happy, and that I feel that the staff works together well. Sure, it's got its issues just like any other place, but I feel that I could stay there and be happy. So many things to weigh...

Well, we were going to go to San Fran today, but Trav forgot that it is Saturday, and Saturday in San Fran is madness!! The traffic is horrendous and crowds are ridiculous. So, we're going to wait until Monday. Yes, I actually have three days off in a row!! Woohoo!! I don't know what to do with myself! Well, actually, I spent the whole morning cleaning the house and getting laundry going. Then I showered (I smell like Patchouli and Lavender...I just keep sniffing myself...I love the earthy smell of patchouli!), and am now sitting here enjoying my second cup of coffee, listening to a little Jason Myles Goss and blogging. I'm trying to finish housebreaking Ziggy today, and work on some projects over the weekend. I'm thinking of ordering henna and hennaing my hair, but I'm having a bit of a time explaining it to Travis. I think that he thinks that if I henna my hair, then it will grow out red for the rest of my life or something! I'm trying to show him some pics from the Mehandi website, but he's too busy gaming to pay much attention. Maybe later.

I jumped on a real estate site for Michigan last night and looked up some Victorian houses in the area that we'd like to settle in. There were two that were just birthing homes waiting to happen! You know, so many of our plans have changed in the last several years, sometimes I get worried that this will just be another one of those changed plans. Or is it just that those things have changed to get me to this point? Guess I'll find out someday.

Are things totally backwards, or is it just me?

2009-01-12T10:39:00.000-08:00

I swear, sometimes it just hits me that our society is just backwards in so many ways. There are many things that led me to this thought path...and I will elaborate on a few. First is the one that peeves me the very most...the issue of our dog, Max. You know, the Boston Terrier that we adopted a few months back? Well, when we were transitioning from Walnut Creek to Fresno, a friend of our watched our cats and dog while we were gone. They sent Max to a friend of theirs (who has a fenced in yard, etc.) and they kept the cats...we had met this friend a couple of times...nice girl. Well, we went back to Walnut Creek to get our stuff and our pets, and we can't get in contact with her. Long story short, all attempts at communication with her have failed. She ignores our calls, and does not return them. We don't know where she lives. The people who watched our cats say they've tried to get ahold of her multiple times on our behalf, but can't get ahold of her. I don't really believe this, but whatever. So, we can't get Max back. She loved him at first sight when she met him, and we think either something happened to him while he was under her care and she's afraid to tell, or she just wants to keep him. In any event, it's been over a month since we've seen Max. We've resigned ourselves to the fact that we're most likely not going to see him again. What kind of a world is this? Why would they keep our dog? It wasn't theirs! In any event, Deklan had been asking about Max, saying he loves him and misses him, etc., and it was just breaking our hearts! So, after much discussion, I posted an ad on craigslist asking about adopting a small pup. So, after a couple of puppy interviews, we chose our new puppy!! This is Ziggy, our little mutt! He's a Pug/Lab-Shepherd mix...his mom is a Pug. He's a pure joy, and really well-behaved (for the most part!) already at 9 weeks old. He's great with the kids, and the cats are teaching him all about cat/dog respect. They still puff their tails every now and again, but are pretty chill for the most part. So anyway, lesson learned. It's amazing how few people in this world one can actually trust.

Another thing that has been making me think about our society is again along the topics of pregnancy and childbirth. Yeah, I guess I'm a little obsessive about those topics. I can't help it, though! From the beginning of my career as a nurse, before I even started nursing school, really, pregnancy and birth fascinated me. Then I made a brief departure as I began my career in the medical field, concentrating so intently on what I had studied...but the pull back to the miracle of new life returned, then became even closer to my heart with the birth of my two sons, getting to experience it all for myself! The contrast between my first and second pregnancies and the subsequent births is sharp...Deklans was a very medical, traditionally-Western birth. Gavins was more relaxed, back to common sense and the roots of our history as a race, looking back past the recent era where birth and womens bodies have been claimed by medicine to the centuries past when a woman depended on a trusted midwife and her own body and baby to guide her through labor and birth. Wow...sorry for the tangent! So this was my thought: what happened to traditions regarding the postpartum period? A woman is expected to give birth, get used to the role of motherhood, then be back to work in six weeks or less. Now, of course I understand that there are women out there who are blessed with family who helps during that time, but I'm just thinking in general. Most women have little to no help after birth...her husband might get to stay home for a week or two, and maybe her mother comes and stays with her for a week or two if she's very lucky. Most women have to attempt to run their homes while still recovering. What happened to the days gone by? I've read stories of traditions where a woman was secluded with her baby and female friends and relatives for the first week following the birth. During this time, her family was cared for by others and she and her baby were pampered and supported during that first important week. She was dressed and her hair brushed and her feet washed, she was fed good food, full of calories and protein to help her body recouperate. She was expected to relax, rest, and bond with her baby. She was waited on, hand and foot. Then, after the first week was over, she spent the next 7 weeks (for a total of two months) in her own home, but only directing her household, while friends and relatives took care of everything. She wasn't expected to lift a finger, just heal, bond with her baby, and be pampered so she could feel pretty again. And that's just an example. Why don't we do things like that anymore? I really wish I could have been there for my best friend, Laura (a.k.a LoLo) a few weeks back when she gave birth to her little girl. I wish she could have counted on me to help her, to cook and clean and wash for her, to take care of her and just let her enjoy her baby. I want to be able to do that for my friends someday. To make my friend or family member feel special after the birth of their baby. To not just keep their house and feed them, but to braid their hair and wash and rub their feet, make them tea and tell them how wonderful and strong and perfect they are. But our society makes this difficult. Not only does it have no room for such traditions, but the fact that many women work outside of the home makes it difficult to take weeks off at a time. Even when I reach my goal of being a midwife, I'll still be working. It would still be difficult to find the time to take off. You know, maybe I could try to incorporate some of these elements into my midwifery. Thinking back, I had many ideas that I would have loved to have done, like doing a belly-cast or having my belly and feet and hands hennaed in my last weeks...I just never had the opportunity to do them. My family members hated the idea of henna...too much like tattoos, they said. Didn't want any part of it. I didn't have the energy to orchestrate something like a belly-casting...getting instructions, supplies, finding someone willing to do it. I wish I could have. Maybe I could have a few things that a momma could choose from...to have one of her latter-week appointments be something special like that if they chose. Have her bring a couple of friends, or have it just be the momma, doula, and midwife if she wishes...but to let her have the chance to do something special like a belly-casting or henna. Something commemorative, even if she doesn't have the support of friends or family. Maybe that's a weird idea, but I think it's pretty darn cool. Midwives have a relationship with their mommas unlike any other healthcare professional. I don't think it would be crossing any lines to have something like that available to a momma if she wanted to do it. I would have loved to have the chance to do something like that with my midwife.

On a less contemplative note, I've finished a few projects that were on the needles for a while. I finished my Dad's hat, MamaG's bag, my sister-in-law Donna's t-shirt yarn bag, and LoLo's baby blanket. I also started a red woolen crochet tam for myself, now that my hair is starting to get long again. If I like it, I'll make another. It's my first truly free-style crochet piece, where it isn't even based on a pattern, I'm just winging it. Kinda' exciting and liberating! Kinda' scary...I'm worried that it'll suck and I'll end up just unravelling it all and starting over from scratch. I love the yarn I've chosen...it's Kashmira, a 100% wool yarn by Sensations. It's got a nice stretch to it, and I think I chose just the right hook for the job. Speaking of hooks, Gavin stuck my very favorite, most-used crochet hook into the fireplace vent, and I can't get to it. Bugger. So I'm looking for a new one today to take its place. And maybe I'll pick up a skein or two to make me feel better about losing Old Faithful! Hehehe...the excuses I find to buy yarn are so silly...

Oh, I guess I should throw in an update about our situation. Well, I parted ways with Agostini after a long, turbulent time with them. I would never recommend them to anyone as an agency. Ever. I ended up being without work for a week. This worked just find since we had the family reunion to go to. The whole time we were in Newport Beach, I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get paperwork and whatnot in order for the Fresno job, found for my by Bestaff. So far they've been a really good agency. I started in Fresno on Dec. 15th for a 13-week contract at Community Regional Medical Center's Neuroscience unit. It's very interesting, and I've learned quite a bit. I'd like to extend here for another contract, if they still have the need. The unit is comprised of four seperate units: the Stroke unit, Step-down unit, Med-Surg Neuro unit, and Neurosurgery unit. I float between all four of them. I deal with everything from strokes to head trauma to neck/back surgeries to seizures and alcohol withdraw. I went ahead an completed my ACLS training, which has opened more doors for me travel-wise. The funny thing about all of this is that we're living in Fresno, the very town where we were robbed 5 years ago. We actually live just a few miles from that area. What's funny is that, on that fateful day 5 years ago, we decided for the first time on our trip to stay in a nice hotel instead of a total dive. It's a nice area where we live, in a gated community, two bed/two bath apartment, huge, with a fireplace, washer/dryer, and fully furnished, for free. Oh, the perks of being a travel nurse!! Not only that, but I'm making double what I was making in Walnut Creek!! FINALLY. It feels like we're making progress on our financial situation! When I was offered the position here, I was uncertain about coming here due to past experience. But then I just closed my eyes and dove in and trusted that all would be well, and I'm so glad that I did. The unit where I work is full of hard-working people who work together as a team and help one another. That's rare. Anyhoo, that's what's going on with us. Just chillin' in Fresno. Enjoying the San Joaquin Valley and the dense winter fog. Not really looking forward to the summer, if we're still here. I hear the summers are pretty much terrible...scorching hot, no rain, dusty and dirty...yuck. Well, we'll see...

Quickie update...a post from my myspace blog!

2008-12-26T10:53:00.000-08:00

Whew!! So, life has been busy over here! I know a lot of you out there don't visit my real blog (not that it entirely matters, as I haven't updated it in about a month...), so I thought I'd post a little update! Most recently, my contract in Walnut Creek was cancelled (the hospital cancelled all of its travel nurses), which caused some MAJOR issues. In the end, I was without a job for a couple of weeks, had a falling out with my company, found a new company that rocks, and have a new job now! I am in Fresno, CA now. Yep, Fresno. The very Fresno in which Trav and I were robbed five years ago. *sigh* Well, the price was right, and the hospital was promising, and it was a JOB, which I so desperately needed, so I took the assignment. So we're here for 3 months. Our place here is really nice, and the hospital is pretty darn cool too. I work on the Neuroscience floor, working mostly with strokes, brain injuries, and neurosurgeries.
Between jobs, we went to Newport Beach to the Dempsey family reunion. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are having their first baby!! Poor Donna was green in the gills most of the time, although days were better than nights so trips to L.A., San Diego, and Huntington Beach were enjoyable. Jason brought his long-time girlfriend, Amber, and it was great to spend some time with her. Apparently, Jason had planned on proposing to her during the trip, but the ring people dropped the ball and the ring arrived the day they left!! So, we just got news this week that he proposed back in Ohio. Welcome to the family, new baby Dempsey and Amber! We had a good time (between me running around from place to place like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get paperwork ready for my new contract), spent lots of time with family, took a tie-dying class, walked along the Pacific ocean, and visited cool places. I LOVED Huntington Beach (a.k.a. Surf City, USA) and Balboa Island. If you ever visit that area, go to Balboa Island. The views and the houses are awesome, and there's this groovy little shop called Art for the Soul that I adored...I could furnish my entire house with stuff from that shop!
Let's see...what else...my best bud, LoLo, became a mommy! Welcome to the world, Emma Lee Juliet, and good job on the home waterbirth, LoLo! You're a strong woman and I know you'll be an awesome mommy. I wish with all of my heart that I could have been there for you and supported you during such and awesome thing as childbirth.

And congrats to her sis, April, on the birth of Liberty, also a baby girl...also, her sister and my friend, Leigh, is pregnant with her fifth baby girl! Wow. Now THAT is a house full of women! That's about it for now, I think. I'll try to update my real blog more often, and upload some new pics soon. We love and miss all of the homefolks!

Oh, the drama!

2008-11-23T22:55:00.000-08:00

*sigh* I don't know what to think these days. My contract with Kaiser got cancelled due to low census last weekend, so I'm without a job. Thankfully, my agency provides per diem work and I've been able to pick up hours to still get a paycheck. But without a contract, I don't have any housing. If I don't have a contract by Tuesday, we'll be homeless. Scary. I really need to sign on staff somewhere, but we just don't have the means to do that right now. We didn't know that my contract was getting cancelled...I got literally NO notice. I went into work a week ago today and was told to go home, that I no longer had a contract. Yep, just like that. So, we had been paying bills as planned, trying to make a dent in our debt, so we have NO money saved for a deposit on an apartment or anything. We're nervous, but we're trying to have faith that everything will work out. But all of this has made us reevaluate what we're doing out here. This is definitely the best place to be to make money, but is it worth it? Is it worth the uncertainty and unstability? I mean, my kids might be homeless in two days for crying out loud!!! Should we just move back East and find a way to make it work? I don't know...we just can't figure it out right now.

On a lighter subject, I've been doing a lot of research on moon cycles, since I'm anticipating the return of my fertility soon. It's amazing how we're connected to the earth...the universe, really. A lot of people in the Christian circles that we run in would say that sounds "New Age-y", but it's really not. We came from the dust of the earth...like it or not, we're connected. From dust we came and to dust we'll return. Also, all of the references in the Bible about the stars and signs...there's a lot more to it than meets the eye. So, back to the subject of fertility and moon cycles. It is said the moon can actually trigger a woman to ovulate. We've all heard stories where a woman swears up and down that she got pregnant during her period...when it is biologically impossible. Here is a clip from an article that I found that describes the tie much better than I think I could:
"Women's periods have been tied to the moon and the lunar cycle for literally thousands of years. Before modern science came along to explain that a woman menstruates because of her changing hormones, it was generally accepted that a woman's periods followed the lunar cycle. After all, the moon controls the ocean, why not women's bodies? As a result, some believe that it is possible for a woman to have two fertile times during her menstrual cycle: the first occurring when she ovulates and the second according to her lunar phase fertility period. The theory of lunar phase fertility is generally credited to Dr. Eugene Jonas. In the 1950s, Dr. Jonas tried to find an explanation as to why so many women became pregnant despite faithfully practicing the rhythm method. The fact that these women were becoming pregnant at a time when they weren't suppose to be fertile lead Dr. Jonas to reason that maybe women had more than one fertile period during a month. Since Dr. Jonas was very much into astrology, and since the original ways of charting a woman's period were based on the lunar cycles, he turned his attention heaven ward. Not surprisingly, Dr. Jonas was met with quite a bit of skepticism from the medical and scientific world. Since his theory cannot be proven by modern-day scientific reasoning, many choose to dismiss the idea of having two fertile times as nonsense. However, a British study done on lunar phase fertility found that men's sperm counts significantly increased during their lunar fertility period. Another study showed that women who practiced abstinence during both their biological and lunar fertile period were 98% effective in preventing pregnancy. This is a pretty significant increase from the 75% effectiveness rate of being abstinent only during your biological fertility period. Although the connection between the moon and our bodies is not fully understood, the fact remains that we are affected by the moon's phases. Most notably, our moods and emotions tend to peak when the moon is full. This is backed up by the fact that doctors and nurses who work in emergency rooms have said over and over again that their busiest night of the month always occurs when the moon is full. Women, however, have long held a connection with the moon. Charting your menstrual period according to the moon is one of the oldest forms of menstrual calendars. In fact, it is believed that the first calendars were based upon women's charts of their menstrual cycles and the moon cycles. Yet, with the shift from Pagan beliefs to Christian beliefs came the shift from the lunar calendar (consisting of 13 months, all 28 days, totaling 364 days) to the solar calendar, which is what we have now (12 months, 28, 29, 30 and 31 days depending on which month you're in). Many women have chosen to return to the lunar calendar in order to chart their periods while many others use a lunar calendar to compliment the more conventional type of menstrual chart. They also find it beneficial to use the moon as their guide to their periods because it provides them with a visual reference as to what stage of their cycle they are in. To understand the lunar fertility cycle, you must first understand the moon's cycle. Quite simply, every month the moon transitions from a new moon to a waxing moon then to a full moon and finally to a waning moon before becoming a new moon once again. This lunar cycle, from new moon to new moon, takes 28 days to complete. Directly related to this is the fact that, on average, a woman's menstrual cycle is 28 days. However, it is normal for a woman's cycle to range from 25 to 34 days. The lunar fertility cycle works on the premise that you can be fertile during your menstrual cycle when the moon is in the same phase it was when you were born. For example, if the moon was in the waning phase when you were born, then, once menstruation begins during puberty, you will be fertile whenever the moon is waning. It is thought that the reason for this fertile phase happens at birth when the moon arouses certain biochemical and hormonal states in your body, which then continue to influence your body for life. Because the lunar fertility cycle works on a 28-day cycle and your menstrual cycle (most likely) does not, this means that it is possible for you to be fertile twice during the same menstrual cycle. Many feel that lunar phase fertility could be responsible for spontaneous ovulation during the month and could explain why some women get pregnant while they have their period. However, it is also possible for your lunar fertility phase to coincide with ovulation, giving you just one fertile period during the month. By charting and keeping track of both your lunar and biological cycles, it will be easy to know just how fertile you will be during the month."
Hmmm...makes sense to me! I got curious and looked back at when Gavin was conceived, since he was a total surprise. Yep, sure enough, he was conceived during the last quarter, the waning crecent, the phase the moon was in when I was born. Amazing! There are so many connections to birth and water, from the amniotic fluid the baby lives in until his birth to the waves of contractions during labor. As the article stated, if the moon controls the ocean's tides, why would it NOT have an effect on people? I've read that some women have lost their connection to the moon in a way, thus causing the two different cycles in one month. Working the night shift, sleeping with windows and blinds shut...these things could, in theory, effect that. So, as a little experiment, we moved our bed closer to the window, and I sleep on that side of the bed, with the blinds slightly open, and the window open. The weather is so nice here, I can actually do that and be comfortable!! Anyway, over the last couple of days, I've noticed some of my biological signs of fertility returning. I jumped online and checked the moon phase and, sure enough, we're in the waning crecent. Coincidence? I think not. I'm hoping that, by increasing my exposure to the elements a bit, I will be able to keep my biological and lunar cycles in synch so I only have one fertile time in a month. We'll see...

Thoughts on a birthing home

2008-10-16T21:03:00.000-07:00

With all of my thoughts about my future lately, I've begun thinking about how I would like my birthing home to be. Of course, my ideas are very much subject to change, as my situation could vary greatly depending on how my "stars align", as it were. My thought is to have my own practice as a CNM/FNP, although if I find the right person/people, I'd love to work with the holistic-minded physician or midwife. That being said, I am writing this post under the assumption that I will not be working in a typical office/hospital setting. So here are a few of the ideas that I've come up with for MY birthing home:

~It would be an old house...perhaps historical or Victorian...possibly an old Bed & Breakfast. I love the feel and the energy of an old house. It has charm and personality, but it also feels more wholesome than today's cookie-cutter houses.
~It would be on at least 1/4 acre, but preferably 1/2 + acres. I'd like to have a yard with perhaps a small playground/play area for kids, a flower garden, and my herb garden. That way my mommas would have a place to walk around in early labor, their kids would have a place to play, and I'd be able to harvest my own herbs for my teas and compounding.
~I'd like to have the interior painted in the style of Lazure. I love the peaceful feel of Lazure, and how each room is painted to reflect its purpose.
~If it is ONLY a birthing home, it would have to be at least 4 bedrooms, providing for an exam room, two birthing rooms, and an office. If it is a family practice as well as a birthing home, it would have to be at least 5 bedrooms, providing for an additional exam room.
~Each birthing room should have its own Jacuzzi tub. One of the full baths in the home will have an immense shower...big enough for a laboring momma and her partner to have plenty of room.
~I'd like the house to have a big, open-plan living room/dining room/kitchen area, which would function as the waiting room. That way there would be full access to the kitchen for my families and a spacious area for kiddos to play. I'd have a big TV with cable and a DVD player...let's face it, labor can take a LOOONNNGGG time!
~The kitchen would be fully furnished, with all cooking accessories, dishes, and appliances. That way I could whip up goodies for my families, but also the families could feel free to cook their own after-birth meals if they wanted, or a birthday cake for the new babe.
~Ideally, it would have either an attic or basement or other large space for classes, meetings, yoga, etc.
~For an additional homey feel, I'd like to have the waiting room stocked daily with things like fresh herbal teas, fruits and nuts, and yummy, healthy baked goods if I feel particularly inspired that morning!

So many ideas! Travis is all for it, and is totally behind all of my ideas, for which I am grateful. Our hope is that our time here in California will allow us to not only get back on our feet financially, but also allow us to pay for our schooling and put a hefty downpayment on a house. If we were able to do that, that would give us the financial freedom (I hope!) to do all of these things. It's a lot, I know. But we're determined. Part of Frontier's program has to do with running a business, so I'm glad I'll get some training as far as the business end of things. It's hard for me to even fathom working in MY environment! You know, it's going to be really cool to read this blog ten years from now and see where my thoughts have gotten me...

A few projects...

2008-10-13T18:36:00.000-07:00

I've been knocking out a few sewing and crocheting projects here lately. Here are pics of a couple...

This is Deklan's beanie...it's a wool/soy blend. It was actually going to be for my dad, but it was a modified pattern and turned out too small. So, I guess I'll have to make another for Dad!

This is a crochet blanket that I made for my friend Sarah and her newborn babe, Austin. It went along with the sling that I posted pics of a few posts ago.

This is a sling that I made for my BFF, Lolo. I made an identical one for her sis, April (who is due two weeks before Lolo is), and a wrap for Gavin out of the same cut of material. It's a super-light teal gauze with a tiny silver stripe running through it...I love it!
That's it for now...I had more pics that I wanted to post, but blogger is rebelling and won't recognize my attempts to upload. Guess I'll post them another day. Oh well...it's off to work I go!