Time flies...

I can hardly believe how time seems to be flying these days.  I've had a few milestone things happen in the last month.

Firstly, it seems that this term is really flying!  There are only a couple of weeks left.  Next term is ALL midwifery courses, as opposed to this term (Primary Care and Pharmacology).  It'll be nice to kiss this term goodbye and get into the nitty gritty, although I do realize that courses get more intense as you move through.

Second, Travis and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary this month.  Wow.  Ten years...a decade.  We've moved 8 times in 3 different states, had three kids (and one miscarriage), worked many different jobs, and been through SO much change.  I think about the vows we made..."to have and to hold for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live"...I've learned the importance and the depth of these vows.  The last 10 years have been awesome.  Not always easy or happy or the way we planned, but they've been awesome because we've been through everything together and supported each other every step of the way.  I'm looking forward to more decades to come!

Third, my biggest baby finished another year of school.  I'm so proud of him!  He made "A" Honor Roll and also got awards for most work completed, scripture memory, and art.  He'll be going into his 3rd grade year in the fall.  My middle man will start kindergarten.  It hardly seems possible.

I'm running a 10k on Father's Day.  I'm scared because I don't feel ready for it.  I felt ready for the 5k, and had run the whole 5k before the day of the race so I knew I could do it.  I've gotten up to 4 miles, but that's still a far cry from the 6 miles of a 10k.  Susan signed me up, though, so I have to suck it up and do it, even if I have to walk part of the way.  Guess I need to start eating right again too so I'll lose more weight and recover better.  I've been off Whole30 for a few days for my anniversary, but I'm feeling it now in my workouts and really need to jump back on it.

CrossFit kicks my butt, but it's addictive.  How can this be?  I'm almost always the last to finish, and I have to do some modifications, but I'm getting muscles and it's awesome!  I look at the athletes around me and am in awe.  They inspire me, and I feel so comfortable there.  I don't feel like everyone is watching me...heck, we're all working too hard!  But at the same time they all cheer me on.  When they see that I'm dragging they cheer me on.  When I finish they congratulate me.  There's a camaraderie there that's just so cool, and the feel is so much different from a "Globo-Gym" type of set-up.  I'm hooked.

One of my friends asked that I be with her for her recent home birth.  I was honored and thrilled to be there, and even happier that the little man waited for a 3-day weekend to arrive!  We had a great time, chatting in early labor, putzing around...I helped with the kids (6 kids, 7 when I left!) and made dinner, cleaned, did some laundry, and tried to support her the best I knew how.  She and her husband know that I'm a birth junky and were so gracious letting me into their sacred birthing space.  It was her 7th home birth but her first water birth.  She loved it!  The birth went so smoothly (after a LONG prodromal labor) and I was just elated to have been a part of it!  I can't WAIT till I'm a midwife and get to be "with woman" all of the time!

Rolling (and running and studying) merrily along...

Warm weather has returned to the Valley!  I'm not especially happy about this as I'm a definite cold-weather gal and I detest the insane power bills that are sometimes unavoidable in the summer in an area where triple digits are the norm.  But warm weather brings pool fun and summer vacation for the boys, so I'm happy about that.  As things heat up I'm going to have to either get used to running in the heat, buy a treadmill, or join a gym.  

Speaking of training, not only is my first 5k only TWO WEEKS from now (squee!), but Trav and I are going to sign up for the Warrior Dash in Hollister happening this October.  I'm really excited about this as it gives me a goal toward which to train.  I've learned that that is THE key to sticking with working out...I need a goal.  Not just a weight loss goal, but a point on a timeline at which I MUST be finished with something that requires training.  Registering for the Angel Babies 5k has really helped me break through my running barriers and keep going.  Oh, and if you'd like to donate to support this wonderful group and us as we run, please click here.  I'm only 2 weeks from the run and only at 10% of my fundraising goal...yikes! Anyhoo, there is a group from the Neuroscience unit who is signing up for Warrior Dash (along with their spouses and even grown children), and we're going to run it together.  It is a 5k obstacle course (think Tough Mudder but only half of it), and I'm going to really have to work on my upper body and core strength in order to complete it.  Oh, and we'll get a fuzzy Viking helmet and a metal when we finish...how stinkin' cool is that?

This is not us...just so ya know...

I'm two weeks in to this Whole30, feeling great and going strong.  True to my usual stick-with-it routine, I weighed myself this morning (yeah, I know, I know...not supposed to weigh for 30 days...but it helps me stay encouraged!!).  I started this Whole30 at 186 lbs (yup, put a few pounds back on during my week off last time), and I am now 178!  I have broken the 180's plane!  Woohoo!  Not only that, but this number puts me only 4 pounds away from my first weight loss goal of 174 lbs.  The link is to my blog post explaining my goals and why I set them.  So, 36 lbs down, 4 more to go till 40 lbs/BMI category of "overweight" instead of "obese"/first goal!  My first goal also puts me just short of the halfway point in my weight loss journey.  NOW, I know that the point of Whole30 isn't weight loss...weight loss follows if you're eating healthier and have excess weight, naturally.  So I have to put in a plug for the health effects of eating clean.  We got a bug.  Typical cold/upper respiratory crap.  And it has been so mild for me that I've wondered several times if it wasn't just allergies.  I've been drinking Kombucha every day and eating well and drinking plenty of water...and it just seems like I'm kicking this bug better.  Nice.  Oh, and I'm not bloated and icky-feeling.  Nice, too.

My scars from my accident have proven to be a pain in the butt...or ankle/shin to be exact.  The area where the boat prop severed three tendons in my ankle has become filled with scar tissue, and the posterior shin splints that I was getting were improving but still present.  Certain movements were causing my ankle to literally lock up and I'd be hobbling around like I had injured myself.  So I went to Ruste, my trusted, wonderful, best-ever-in-the-world chiropractor.  She does crazy myofacial release and I was hoping that she could work wonders on the scar tissue in my ankle.  And work wonders she did!!  It nearly made me cry, and I broke out in a cold sweat from the pain, but I have NONE of the problems that I had before!  Love that lady!

Long-winded post, I know.  But I have one more thing to add.  I joined the birthy group in the area, the Childbirth Resource Network.  This is something that I've been wanting to do for a long time, but I always felt that I wouldn't really be settling here, so why bother?  Well, we've been here for 4 years, so I figured it was time to stop procrastinating.  I want to be involved.  I want to be a part of the change.  I want to help.  I'm excited.

Was it really worth it?

Creme brulee at Fleming's?  Bread?  Cheese?  Holy moly, I have felt like crud for the last 24 hours.  But it was sure fun while I was partaking!  I woke up congested and feeling generally bad, didn't drink hardly any water today, didn't eat really great today either (as in an egg and sausage for breakfast with no veggies, two hard boiled eggs and cantaloupe for lunch), then went running when I got home from work.  I increased again, running in 9-minute increments.  I really feel like I'm getting past some invisible duration hump!  However, around 2.5 miles in my inner calves along my shins started cramping up.  I sat down for a minute and massaged out the muscles.  I attribute this to eating poorly for the last day and drinking next to no water...I think my muscles just didn't have the fuel to make it through!  I did, however, finish my run and didn't bail out in my increase.  Woohoo!  Go me!  Oh, and Whole30 starts again tomorrow.  Booyah.

So, my buddy-ol-pal has entered the blogosphere!  Please go show The Clucky Housewife some love!  She's a real hoot, a fabulous woman, and a wonderful momma to her chicks.  And she has an amazing VBA2C story that will bring tears to your eyes!  I've been friends with her since she was pregnant with her first baby (and me with my second), so I've gotten the privilege of seeing her make the journey that she has made to being an informed, strong, knowledgeable mother.  Go watch her stories/montages about her c-sections, her plan to homebirth, then the subsequent birth of their third.  It's worth your time.   

Breath of life

I think it's safe to say that any birthy folk who read my blog probably also follow Rixa Freeze's blog, Stand and Deliver.  She is a brilliant lady, and I started following her blog before I had one of my own.  I have to say that hers is much more interesting than mine.  Ha.

Well, I really got caught up in life for the past year...you know...school, work, new baby, family...and I kinda dropped out of the blogosphere.  I came on occasionally to post, and even less frequently to read.  So before I took my blogging vacation, I saw that Rixa was pregnant with her third baby.  I JUST NOW finally went back to read the birth story of her third baby (who is somewhere around 6 months old now...bad me).  It was truly touching.

They had a midwife, but birthed unassisted.  After three births, I have to say that this is my dream for my next (and likely last) pregnancy and birth.  But the most moving part is in the third video clip in her "Inga's Birth Story Part 1" post.  We get the honor of viewing her laboring, first out of and then in the tub.    When her baby is born and doesn't begin breathing after a while, she gives her baby a few of her own breaths...calmly, in the tub, placenta still in, cord still attached...

Her baby perked up (and toned up and pinked up) and let out a raucous cry.  As I viewed this, that swell of a mother's love and intuition swept over me like a wave.  Thank you, Rixa, for letting us into your life for such an intimate moment.  And thank you for showing us that even when things don't go exactly as planned, they can often be addressed and helped in a calm, trusting manner.

The little things I couldn't live without...

...regarding pregnancy, birth, postpartum, breastfeeding, and child care, that is. There are quite a few things that are on my list.

* Red Raspberry Leaf tea

* Papaya Enzymes

* Floradix Iron & Herbs

* Evening Primrose Oil

* Rice packs

* Birth ball

* my chiropractor

* Birth tub

* Arnica

* Herbal bath

* Bravado bras

* Undercover Mama tanks

* Motherlove Nipple Cream

* Medela Pump-in-Style

* Cloth diapering supplies

* A variety of slings and wraps

* Amber necklace for teething

* Simple Wishes pumping bustier

* Bamboobies nursing pads

Some sites that I couldn't live without:

* Mothering

* Diaper Swappers

* Pin Stripes and Polka Dots

Just thought I'd share.  You're welcome.

Back from my blogging vacation...

I had to take a little time and refocus. I'm sure I wasn't missed much!!

An update from my last couple of posts...my Etsy shop is doing better than I thought it would, and I only have a couple of pieces left in it as of today. I need to get back to work! Also, Colleen as made a wonderful recovery! Something to be truly thankful for!

A few things have happened since I last posted. First, we found that we're expecting our third munchkin! I am currently 13w5d, and have just this week announced my pregnancy to the public. Something weird happens when you have a miscarriage...like no pregnancy is safe. I wanted to get past the point of my prior miscarriage, which was 9 weeks. I passed that, but still wasn't comfortable. Well, now that I'm a couple of days away from my second trimester, I figured it would be as good a time as any! I've contacted my midwife to make an appointment in the next couple of weeks. It's all starting to seem real. I've had a different pregnancy this time. I've had lots of exhaustion, quite a bit of nausea but with only one vomiting episode...the kicker is the migraines. I have had migraines several times a week and headaches every day. I normally get a migraine once or twice per month at the very most! So I've been a little dysfunctional.

About a week before I found out I was pregnant, I sent in my application for Frontier's Certified Nurse Midwife program. I've been talking about doing that for the longest time, but I finally DID IT. Whew! So, weeks of waiting and waiting ensued. Yesterday we took a little trip to Pier 39 in San Francisco to go to the aquarium with the boys and escape the Valley heat for a few hours. While we were there, my phone alarmed indicating a new email...it was from Frontier. I've gotten several emails since I sent in the package, some for updates, some with general info. This was my acceptance email!!!! I was one of the 25 blessed people to be accepted into the program this go-around! I fly to Kentucky the end of August to have the 3.5 day orientation, then back home to officially start school. Oh, my! I don't know what to think! I'm so excited and a little nervous, and now wondering how this pregnancy will play into things...I guess we'll have to wait and see. But in the meantime, I am overall totally STOKED. I can say that I'm working toward my dream!

At work, things are plugging away. The economy has chipped away at our floor. We've lost staff to layoffs. We've had hours cut and pay cut. But we still have jobs, hurray for that! We're just waiting for things to come full circle, as they always eventually do. I had applied for a supervisory position on my unit some time back, but the person who I would have been replacing decided to stay. So I was placed on the "farm team", filling in when supervisors are on vacation or in meetings and so on. One of the supervisors is going on maternity leave in a week or so, and I'll be taking her place. It's a different world in that office! It's been a long time since I've been in a supervisory position, and this unit is far different from the one that I supervised back in 2004! But it's good experience and I'd like to think that I could do a good job. We'll see how it goes.

I guess that's about it for updates. I have a headache so I think I need to stop staring at a screen. But now that the cats are out of their bags, I'm sure I'll be on a bit more. Wish me luck!

It's giveaway time!

Talk Birth, the personal blog of Molly (one of the ladies over at Citizens for Midwifery) is hosting a giveaway! We all love free stuff, and if you're even half as crazy as I am about anything even remotely having to do with birth, then you just might be interested! The book is called "Birth Space, Safe Place", and is about emotional well-being in pregnancy and birth. I know that, for me, there were a few things that played big roles in my emotional well-being during that time...the first few that come to mind are having family that were supportive of me, having a midwife who I trusted implicitly, and the overall sense of peace brought by being "in charge" of my pregnancy and labor this time and being educated about the options in birth. Even if I don't win the giveaway, I will be planning on getting this book for my library. I think that a lot of people either discount or don't realize how much your emotional state has so much to do with your progression in labor. I'll be interested to read it...and I LOVE the cover art!

We're famous!

Woohoo! Gavin's birth story has been featured in Born in Sarasota, a blog dedicated to all things birthy and that share birth stories of babies born under the watchful and loving eyes of the wonderful midwives in the Sarasota area. My midwife, Harmony Miller of Rosemary Birthing Home, touched my life in a very unique way. She not only took care of Gavin and me during pregnancy, labor, and after birth, but also challenged me as a person and introduced me to a new and wonderful world of cloth diapering, babywearing, co-sleeping, etc. Deklan's birth was very special...he was my firstborn, born healthier than we could have ever hoped with his heart problems, and one of the few loves of my life. I had wanted to have him in a birthing home, specifically The Birth Cottage, which was near the place that I lived at the time. Wanna know something crazy?? Harmony actually apprenticed at that very place, and was there at about the same time as I would have been there for Deklan! Anyway, shortly after I had contacted the midwife there, I found out that Deklan would be born at a hospital due to a congential heart deformity. His birth, though very special, left me feeling a bit violated and left to the mercy of "the system". I vowed that, barring health problems, it would be different for the babies following him. Harmony helped me to fulfill that vow. She also inspired me to go back to school. I had been wanting to be a L&D nurse since I was in nursing school, I had just never gone in that direction. But after Gavin was born, I was just left thinking "If I could do for just one woman what Harmony did for me, I'd be the happiest woman alive!" I knew I had to go back to school. We discussed the different aspects of midwifery, and she introduced me to Frontier. As far as attachment parenting goes, it was all stuff that I felt was right, but it just seemed so removed from everything that I'd known that I really never delved into it. If I could, I'd go back to Florida just to have my next babe with Harmony!

So read the story if you'd like. Beware, it has pictures! I only wish that every person who reads this story could read it and remember it with the same love and respect that I had, for my baby, my body, my family, and my midwife. Thanks again, Harmony. It was an honor to have you as our midwife!

Busy day!

I had the day off and had the opportunity to do a few things.  I spent the morning chillin' with my boys (all three of them!), then around lunch time took off with the boys and left Trav at home for some quiet time.  We went to Goodwill to get some "new" shorts and t-shirts for Deklan, as he seems to be having a growth spurt and is outgrowing his clothes incredibly fast.  After that, we went to Trader Joe's, where we picked up some awesome blueberries at a great price, and super-cheap basil plant, and typical grocery odds and ends.  Then we went to Joann's, to get a new clasp for my favorite necklace.

 I also got some really awesome beads that I want to make into either a necklace or bracelet.  Then we went to Wal-Mart to get more odds and ends.  And then finally to SaveMart to wrap up the grocery shopping.  When I got home I cleaned out the fridge, then prepped some fruit.  I washed and picked the blueberries and laid them on wax paper on a cookie sheet.  On top of that I put another sheet of wax paper and topped it with washed and sliced strawberries.  Then I added a layer of over-ripe bananas, then a layer of washed, halved, and pitted cherries.  All of those went into the freezer and then into freezer bags for smoothies later.  I used a handful of blueberries, a handful of cherries, and a couple of apples to make a crisp, which turned out absolutely delicious.  I cooked and boned some chicken, which will turn into chicken salad tomorrow or the next day.  Then I prepped and cooked some shrimp (which was supposed to become a shrimp salad, but it didn't make it.  We ate it for dinner.) and started a garbanzo bean salad.  That will have to wait as well, since the day is done and I am tired.  Between all of this activity I called my old school and requested transcripts for Frontier (since I'm no longer pregnant, I'm going ahead with my plan to start school in December), washed, dried, folded, and hung four loads of laundry, put the kids down for naps and then bed, and cleaned the kitchen (with the exception of loading the dishwasher...Trav pitched in).  It's been a busy day off!  Now I get to sit with a cup of tea and work on a baby blanket that I'm crocheting as a gift for a baby due in a couple of weeks.

I'm doing well.  I'm totally done with everything miscarriage-related, and I would say that I'm back to normal as far as all of that goes.  Trav and I are back to our old shenanigans, which is nice!  We're still planning on waiting until at least one cycle passes us by, but we're being a lot more lax than we normally would be in the avoidance department.  Maybe I should start back on my prenatals, just in case.

Reading and ranting and planning, oh my!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a must-read.  I would advise any woman who is pregnant or wanting to have children to read this book WAY before they pick up "What to Expect When You're Expecting".  Any mother, any woman, anyone who gives a hoot about how a mother in labor is treated and how her baby makes its entrance into the world should read this.  Any birth advocate, medical professional or birth support person would benefit from reading this book.  It supplies the facts and statistics surrounding birth in America and evidence-based practice.  In my hospital there is a committee devoted to "best practice" (appropriately named the "Best Practice Committee"), based on the current medical evidence.  Why can "best practice" be applied to every other area of patient care except L&D?  I had a patient the other day who is an L&D nurse in the hospital where I work.  I talked with her about trying to get my foot in the door and get some experience while I'm in school for midwifery.  She thinks that I won't have any trouble getting onto the L&D floor, especially if I'm already in school.  I hope she's right!  Apparently I'll have to go to night shift, but that's O.K. with me if that's what I have to do.  I honestly feel that I can make a difference in the time that I'm there.  I want to be able to help those mommas out there.  I realize that there will be many who come in who want every intervention that we have to offer, and I'm going to have to learn to come to terms with that.  But I think it will be worth it, not only to get into that environment and get some experience, but also to help me solidify in my mind which direction I want to go after school.

I went to Bally's today and had my appointment with my personal trainer.  I almost passed out after 45 minutes with her.  Seriously.  I was lightheaded and dry heaving.  Yes, people, I am OUT OF SHAPE!  I already knew that, but I was a bit surprised to see exactly how bad of shape I am in.  My weight has actually been holding steady, but my endurance is in the crapper.  Well, on the bright side, it was a real wake-up call for me, and I'm committing myself to make some major changes for my health.  My trainer said that, if I work my tucchus off, I can meet my fitness goal in approximately 37 weeks.  That's better than I thought!  I figured it would take more than a year.  But seriously, that's about 9 months.  I can do that.  Nine months that will effect the rest of my life...

It's getting hot in Fresno.  It's hit the 100-degree mark already.  Yuck.

Well, it looks like we might have found a house to rent!  It's 1300 s.f., 3/1 with a detached garage, hardwood and tile floors, a chain-link and privacy-fenced backyard with a separately fenced garden area.  It has an orange tree, peach tree, the neighbor's lemon tree that hangs over the back end of the property, a kumquat tree, a walnut tree, and sage, mint, and lemon grass in a planter that's staying.  The garden area looks like it's been roughly tilled already, but needs some tending.  My grandfather got me interested in square-foot gardening, which I plan to use in my little yard, should we end up getting the house.  Also interesting, I found, was a Native American practice called Three Sisters gardening.  I may just do Three Sisters first, as we will be in the end of June once I start plant (again, hinging on whether or not we get the house) and it'll take less time to do that than to make a bunch of 4x4 boxes for my square-foot garden.  I don't know...I'll have to see how it goes.  It has a doggy-door (which Ziggy will LOVE), and appliances including washer and dryer come with it.  It has central heat and air, as well as a fireplace, furnace, and swamp cooler, so we could be a bit more energy efficient in days like these, where it's dry out and not yet stifling.  We have been able to keep the air off and windows open for most days that we've been out here, although central air is practically a must in the 110+ degree summer days  that the Valley experiences.  We are, after all, right next to the Mojave Desert.  Anyhoo, I'm really hoping that we get the house.  The rent is more than reasonable, and the neighborhood is nice.  Not ritzy or anything, just average, middle-class, well cared-for homes and people out mowing or working on their cars or landscaping on the weekends.  I cruised the area, up and down streets 3 ways in either direction, and it's consistently nice.  *fingers crossed*

Well, I'll be a monkey's...aunt?

People DO read my blog!  Or at least visit it.  Or skim it.  Feedjit is pretty cool, and thanks to anyone who stops by!  I know this blog is a bit scrambled.  I have a feeling, though, that it'll take a more definite turn in the winter, as I start school.  In the meantime...

I got involved in a conversation at work today.  There's a nurse that I work with who will be giving birth sometime in the next two months.  She was on her lunch break with a few other girls, and I walked into the childbirth conversation.  These are the times that I just have to shut my lips and listen, and not put my two cents in until I'm asked, rather than spouting my views on childbirth.  There was the inevitable horror story part, and the epidural discussion, followed by someone talking about how they LAUGHED at their sister while she was in labor because she wanted to do it naturally and was having a difficult time managing labor.  Yep, you read right...the support person laughed at a mother in labor and told her she should have had the epidural!  Nice.  Anyhoo, finally the conversation reaches me and someone says "Jessica, don't I remember you saying that you had a waterbirth?"  Finally, my invitation to the conversation!  I told them about the births of my sons, and how, although I am not one of those blessed women for whom childbirth is not painful, even orgasmic, I found the pain to be quite manageable.  I explained how it was all in the mindset, how to look at the pain as good and productive, how to relax with it and let it work.  New-momma-to-be mentioned how she's been to the L&D floor and heard women screaming, which led to a conversation about making low noises rather than screaming, etc.  New-momma-to-be is still pretty set on the epidural, saying that she wishes she could just have her baby without giving birth, and having an epidural and sleeping through the whole thing is the closest she can get to that, but I hope I at least planted a seed.  If not in her mind, maybe in some of the other girls' minds.  I was recently asked by someone that I work with to put together an instruction booklet to understanding your fertility.  So strange to me that a woman could ebb and flow through her cycle every month and not even understand the mechanics of it.  Bodies are ignored, and when I mention things like knowing when I ovulate,  things that I don't even think twice about, I get all kinds of "well how in the world can you know when you ovulate??  By taking a test??" type of questions.  *sigh*  It's so simple to understand your body.  I've recently gotten a couple of people interested in moon cycles at work.  Some people think I'm just the crazy hippie on the floor, but other people listen and ask questions.  

Speaking of work, I've been approached about another leadership position.  My manager is looking for a handful of nurses to become "epilepsy nurses".  We have a room on our floor with continuous surveillance and remote EEG capabilities, and we'll soon have 3 more rooms like that, tallying a total of 8 potential seizure rooms.  That's two nurses with 4 patients apiece.  We're to be trained in the specifics surrounding epilepsy, treatments, tests, etc.  Pretty cool, I think.  I also have two classes this month for Epic superuser training.  I've used the Epic system before, so when my manager heard that, she pounced and asked if I'd take the classes so that I can train the nurses on the floor.  And I'll be doing the resource thing too, as I previously mentioned.  It's wild how a few years of experience in a lot of areas (travel and registry/agency) opens a lot of doors for advancement.  My manager comes to me about so many things.  I have to admit that it's flattering, although slightly scary.  I was thinking about it all today and decided that I was going to go for it all, and try to get comfortable again in leadership roles.  That kind of attitude will come in handy once I'm a midwife, and running a birthing home!

Ideas...

* An adjustable maternity support belt that is pretty and can hold a hot pack to your back.

* Birth is power with peace, strength with surrender...

* Words that come to mind when I think of labor and birth (things I repeated to myself over and over and over again...):  open...breathe...relax...calm...peace...strength...sway...

I'm getting some thoughts together for some ideas that I've got rambling around in my head, if I ever get to them.  I just wanted to jot these things down so I wouldn't forget.  If anyone has any suggestions for words that you think of when you think of birth, feel free to share!

Are things totally backwards, or is it just me?

I swear, sometimes it just hits me that our society is just backwards in so many ways. There are many things that led me to this thought path...and I will elaborate on a few. First is the one that peeves me the very most...the issue of our dog, Max. You know, the Boston Terrier that we adopted a few months back? Well, when we were transitioning from Walnut Creek to Fresno, a friend of our watched our cats and dog while we were gone. They sent Max to a friend of theirs (who has a fenced in yard, etc.) and they kept the cats...we had met this friend a couple of times...nice girl. Well, we went back to Walnut Creek to get our stuff and our pets, and we can't get in contact with her. Long story short, all attempts at communication with her have failed. She ignores our calls, and does not return them. We don't know where she lives. The people who watched our cats say they've tried to get ahold of her multiple times on our behalf, but can't get ahold of her. I don't really believe this, but whatever. So, we can't get Max back. She loved him at first sight when she met him, and we think either something happened to him while he was under her care and she's afraid to tell, or she just wants to keep him. In any event, it's been over a month since we've seen Max. We've resigned ourselves to the fact that we're most likely not going to see him again. What kind of a world is this? Why would they keep our dog? It wasn't theirs! In any event, Deklan had been asking about Max, saying he loves him and misses him, etc., and it was just breaking our hearts! So, after much discussion, I posted an ad on craigslist asking about adopting a small pup. So, after a couple of puppy interviews, we chose our new puppy!! This is Ziggy, our little mutt! He's a Pug/Lab-Shepherd mix...his mom is a Pug. He's a pure joy, and really well-behaved (for the most part!) already at 9 weeks old. He's great with the kids, and the cats are teaching him all about cat/dog respect. They still puff their tails every now and again, but are pretty chill for the most part. So anyway, lesson learned. It's amazing how few people in this world one can actually trust.

Another thing that has been making me think about our society is again along the topics of pregnancy and childbirth. Yeah, I guess I'm a little obsessive about those topics. I can't help it, though! From the beginning of my career as a nurse, before I even started nursing school, really, pregnancy and birth fascinated me. Then I made a brief departure as I began my career in the medical field, concentrating so intently on what I had studied...but the pull back to the miracle of new life returned, then became even closer to my heart with the birth of my two sons, getting to experience it all for myself! The contrast between my first and second pregnancies and the subsequent births is sharp...Deklans was a very medical, traditionally-Western birth. Gavins was more relaxed, back to common sense and the roots of our history as a race, looking back past the recent era where birth and womens bodies have been claimed by medicine to the centuries past when a woman depended on a trusted midwife and her own body and baby to guide her through labor and birth. Wow...sorry for the tangent! So this was my thought: what happened to traditions regarding the postpartum period? A woman is expected to give birth, get used to the role of motherhood, then be back to work in six weeks or less. Now, of course I understand that there are women out there who are blessed with family who helps during that time, but I'm just thinking in general. Most women have little to no help after birth...her husband might get to stay home for a week or two, and maybe her mother comes and stays with her for a week or two if she's very lucky. Most women have to attempt to run their homes while still recovering. What happened to the days gone by? I've read stories of traditions where a woman was secluded with her baby and female friends and relatives for the first week following the birth. During this time, her family was cared for by others and she and her baby were pampered and supported during that first important week. She was dressed and her hair brushed and her feet washed, she was fed good food, full of calories and protein to help her body recouperate. She was expected to relax, rest, and bond with her baby. She was waited on, hand and foot. Then, after the first week was over, she spent the next 7 weeks (for a total of two months) in her own home, but only directing her household, while friends and relatives took care of everything. She wasn't expected to lift a finger, just heal, bond with her baby, and be pampered so she could feel pretty again. And that's just an example. Why don't we do things like that anymore? I really wish I could have been there for my best friend, Laura (a.k.a LoLo) a few weeks back when she gave birth to her little girl. I wish she could have counted on me to help her, to cook and clean and wash for her, to take care of her and just let her enjoy her baby. I want to be able to do that for my friends someday. To make my friend or family member feel special after the birth of their baby. To not just keep their house and feed them, but to braid their hair and wash and rub their feet, make them tea and tell them how wonderful and strong and perfect they are. But our society makes this difficult. Not only does it have no room for such traditions, but the fact that many women work outside of the home makes it difficult to take weeks off at a time. Even when I reach my goal of being a midwife, I'll still be working. It would still be difficult to find the time to take off. You know, maybe I could try to incorporate some of these elements into my midwifery. Thinking back, I had many ideas that I would have loved to have done, like doing a belly-cast or having my belly and feet and hands hennaed in my last weeks...I just never had the opportunity to do them. My family members hated the idea of henna...too much like tattoos, they said. Didn't want any part of it. I didn't have the energy to orchestrate something like a belly-casting...getting instructions, supplies, finding someone willing to do it. I wish I could have. Maybe I could have a few things that a momma could choose from...to have one of her latter-week appointments be something special like that if they chose. Have her bring a couple of friends, or have it just be the momma, doula, and midwife if she wishes...but to let her have the chance to do something special like a belly-casting or henna. Something commemorative, even if she doesn't have the support of friends or family. Maybe that's a weird idea, but I think it's pretty darn cool. Midwives have a relationship with their mommas unlike any other healthcare professional. I don't think it would be crossing any lines to have something like that available to a momma if she wanted to do it. I would have loved to have the chance to do something like that with my midwife.

On a less contemplative note, I've finished a few projects that were on the needles for a while. I finished my Dad's hat, MamaG's bag, my sister-in-law Donna's t-shirt yarn bag, and LoLo's baby blanket. I also started a red woolen crochet tam for myself, now that my hair is starting to get long again. If I like it, I'll make another. It's my first truly free-style crochet piece, where it isn't even based on a pattern, I'm just winging it. Kinda' exciting and liberating! Kinda' scary...I'm worried that it'll suck and I'll end up just unravelling it all and starting over from scratch. I love the yarn I've chosen...it's Kashmira, a 100% wool yarn by Sensations. It's got a nice stretch to it, and I think I chose just the right hook for the job. Speaking of hooks, Gavin stuck my very favorite, most-used crochet hook into the fireplace vent, and I can't get to it. Bugger. So I'm looking for a new one today to take its place. And maybe I'll pick up a skein or two to make me feel better about losing Old Faithful! Hehehe...the excuses I find to buy yarn are so silly...

Oh, I guess I should throw in an update about our situation. Well, I parted ways with Agostini after a long, turbulent time with them. I would never recommend them to anyone as an agency. Ever. I ended up being without work for a week. This worked just find since we had the family reunion to go to. The whole time we were in Newport Beach, I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get paperwork and whatnot in order for the Fresno job, found for my by Bestaff. So far they've been a really good agency. I started in Fresno on Dec. 15th for a 13-week contract at Community Regional Medical Center's Neuroscience unit. It's very interesting, and I've learned quite a bit. I'd like to extend here for another contract, if they still have the need. The unit is comprised of four seperate units: the Stroke unit, Step-down unit, Med-Surg Neuro unit, and Neurosurgery unit. I float between all four of them. I deal with everything from strokes to head trauma to neck/back surgeries to seizures and alcohol withdraw. I went ahead an completed my ACLS training, which has opened more doors for me travel-wise. The funny thing about all of this is that we're living in Fresno, the very town where we were robbed 5 years ago. We actually live just a few miles from that area. What's funny is that, on that fateful day 5 years ago, we decided for the first time on our trip to stay in a nice hotel instead of a total dive. It's a nice area where we live, in a gated community, two bed/two bath apartment, huge, with a fireplace, washer/dryer, and fully furnished, for free. Oh, the perks of being a travel nurse!! Not only that, but I'm making double what I was making in Walnut Creek!! FINALLY. It feels like we're making progress on our financial situation! When I was offered the position here, I was uncertain about coming here due to past experience. But then I just closed my eyes and dove in and trusted that all would be well, and I'm so glad that I did. The unit where I work is full of hard-working people who work together as a team and help one another. That's rare. Anyhoo, that's what's going on with us. Just chillin' in Fresno. Enjoying the San Joaquin Valley and the dense winter fog. Not really looking forward to the summer, if we're still here. I hear the summers are pretty much terrible...scorching hot, no rain, dusty and dirty...yuck. Well, we'll see...

Quickie update...a post from my myspace blog!

Whew!! So, life has been busy over here! I know a lot of you out there don't visit my real blog (not that it entirely matters, as I haven't updated it in about a month...), so I thought I'd post a little update! Most recently, my contract in Walnut Creek was cancelled (the hospital cancelled all of its travel nurses), which caused some MAJOR issues. In the end, I was without a job for a couple of weeks, had a falling out with my company, found a new company that rocks, and have a new job now! I am in Fresno, CA now. Yep, Fresno. The very Fresno in which Trav and I were robbed five years ago. *sigh* Well, the price was right, and the hospital was promising, and it was a JOB, which I so desperately needed, so I took the assignment. So we're here for 3 months. Our place here is really nice, and the hospital is pretty darn cool too. I work on the Neuroscience floor, working mostly with strokes, brain injuries, and neurosurgeries.
Between jobs, we went to Newport Beach to the Dempsey family reunion. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are having their first baby!! Poor Donna was green in the gills most of the time, although days were better than nights so trips to L.A., San Diego, and Huntington Beach were enjoyable. Jason brought his long-time girlfriend, Amber, and it was great to spend some time with her. Apparently, Jason had planned on proposing to her during the trip, but the ring people dropped the ball and the ring arrived the day they left!! So, we just got news this week that he proposed back in Ohio. Welcome to the family, new baby Dempsey and Amber! We had a good time (between me running around from place to place like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get paperwork ready for my new contract), spent lots of time with family, took a tie-dying class, walked along the Pacific ocean, and visited cool places. I LOVED Huntington Beach (a.k.a. Surf City, USA) and Balboa Island. If you ever visit that area, go to Balboa Island. The views and the houses are awesome, and there's this groovy little shop called Art for the Soul that I adored...I could furnish my entire house with stuff from that shop!
Let's see...what else...my best bud, LoLo, became a mommy! Welcome to the world, Emma Lee Juliet, and good job on the home waterbirth, LoLo! You're a strong woman and I know you'll be an awesome mommy. I wish with all of my heart that I could have been there for you and supported you during such and awesome thing as childbirth.

 And congrats to her sis, April, on the birth of Liberty, also a baby girl...also, her sister and my friend, Leigh, is pregnant with her fifth baby girl! Wow. Now THAT is a house full of women! That's about it for now, I think. I'll try to update my real blog more often, and upload some new pics soon. We love and miss all of the homefolks!

Oh, the drama!

*sigh* I don't know what to think these days. My contract with Kaiser got cancelled due to low census last weekend, so I'm without a job. Thankfully, my agency provides per diem work and I've been able to pick up hours to still get a paycheck. But without a contract, I don't have any housing. If I don't have a contract by Tuesday, we'll be homeless. Scary. I really need to sign on staff somewhere, but we just don't have the means to do that right now. We didn't know that my contract was getting cancelled...I got literally NO notice. I went into work a week ago today and was told to go home, that I no longer had a contract. Yep, just like that. So, we had been paying bills as planned, trying to make a dent in our debt, so we have NO money saved for a deposit on an apartment or anything. We're nervous, but we're trying to have faith that everything will work out. But all of this has made us reevaluate what we're doing out here. This is definitely the best place to be to make money, but is it worth it? Is it worth the uncertainty and unstability? I mean, my kids might be homeless in two days for crying out loud!!! Should we just move back East and find a way to make it work? I don't know...we just can't figure it out right now.

On a lighter subject, I've been doing a lot of research on moon cycles, since I'm anticipating the return of my fertility soon. It's amazing how we're connected to the earth...the universe, really. A lot of people in the Christian circles that we run in would say that sounds "New Age-y", but it's really not. We came from the dust of the earth...like it or not, we're connected. From dust we came and to dust we'll return. Also, all of the references in the Bible about the stars and signs...there's a lot more to it than meets the eye. So, back to the subject of fertility and moon cycles. It is said the moon can actually trigger a woman to ovulate. We've all heard stories where a woman swears up and down that she got pregnant during her period...when it is biologically impossible. Here is a clip from an article that I found that describes the tie much better than I think I could:
"Women's periods have been tied to the moon and the lunar cycle for literally thousands of years. Before modern science came along to explain that a woman menstruates because of her changing hormones, it was generally accepted that a woman's periods followed the lunar cycle. After all, the moon controls the ocean, why not women's bodies? As a result, some believe that it is possible for a woman to have two fertile times during her menstrual cycle: the first occurring when she ovulates and the second according to her lunar phase fertility period. The theory of lunar phase fertility is generally credited to Dr. Eugene Jonas. In the 1950s, Dr. Jonas tried to find an explanation as to why so many women became pregnant despite faithfully practicing the rhythm method. The fact that these women were becoming pregnant at a time when they weren't suppose to be fertile lead Dr. Jonas to reason that maybe women had more than one fertile period during a month. Since Dr. Jonas was very much into astrology, and since the original ways of charting a woman's period were based on the lunar cycles, he turned his attention heaven ward. Not surprisingly, Dr. Jonas was met with quite a bit of skepticism from the medical and scientific world. Since his theory cannot be proven by modern-day scientific reasoning, many choose to dismiss the idea of having two fertile times as nonsense. However, a British study done on lunar phase fertility found that men's sperm counts significantly increased during their lunar fertility period. Another study showed that women who practiced abstinence during both their biological and lunar fertile period were 98% effective in preventing pregnancy. This is a pretty significant increase from the 75% effectiveness rate of being abstinent only during your biological fertility period. Although the connection between the moon and our bodies is not fully understood, the fact remains that we are affected by the moon's phases. Most notably, our moods and emotions tend to peak when the moon is full. This is backed up by the fact that doctors and nurses who work in emergency rooms have said over and over again that their busiest night of the month always occurs when the moon is full. Women, however, have long held a connection with the moon. Charting your menstrual period according to the moon is one of the oldest forms of menstrual calendars. In fact, it is believed that the first calendars were based upon women's charts of their menstrual cycles and the moon cycles. Yet, with the shift from Pagan beliefs to Christian beliefs came the shift from the lunar calendar (consisting of 13 months, all 28 days, totaling 364 days) to the solar calendar, which is what we have now (12 months, 28, 29, 30 and 31 days depending on which month you're in). Many women have chosen to return to the lunar calendar in order to chart their periods while many others use a lunar calendar to compliment the more conventional type of menstrual chart. They also find it beneficial to use the moon as their guide to their periods because it provides them with a visual reference as to what stage of their cycle they are in. To understand the lunar fertility cycle, you must first understand the moon's cycle. Quite simply, every month the moon transitions from a new moon to a waxing moon then to a full moon and finally to a waning moon before becoming a new moon once again. This lunar cycle, from new moon to new moon, takes 28 days to complete. Directly related to this is the fact that, on average, a woman's menstrual cycle is 28 days. However, it is normal for a woman's cycle to range from 25 to 34 days. The lunar fertility cycle works on the premise that you can be fertile during your menstrual cycle when the moon is in the same phase it was when you were born. For example, if the moon was in the waning phase when you were born, then, once menstruation begins during puberty, you will be fertile whenever the moon is waning. It is thought that the reason for this fertile phase happens at birth when the moon arouses certain biochemical and hormonal states in your body, which then continue to influence your body for life. Because the lunar fertility cycle works on a 28-day cycle and your menstrual cycle (most likely) does not, this means that it is possible for you to be fertile twice during the same menstrual cycle. Many feel that lunar phase fertility could be responsible for spontaneous ovulation during the month and could explain why some women get pregnant while they have their period. However, it is also possible for your lunar fertility phase to coincide with ovulation, giving you just one fertile period during the month. By charting and keeping track of both your lunar and biological cycles, it will be easy to know just how fertile you will be during the month."
Hmmm...makes sense to me! I got curious and looked back at when Gavin was conceived, since he was a total surprise. Yep, sure enough, he was conceived during the last quarter, the waning crecent, the phase the moon was in when I was born. Amazing! There are so many connections to birth and water, from the amniotic fluid the baby lives in until his birth to the waves of contractions during labor. As the article stated, if the moon controls the ocean's tides, why would it NOT have an effect on people? I've read that some women have lost their connection to the moon in a way, thus causing the two different cycles in one month. Working the night shift, sleeping with windows and blinds shut...these things could, in theory, effect that. So, as a little experiment, we moved our bed closer to the window, and I sleep on that side of the bed, with the blinds slightly open, and the window open. The weather is so nice here, I can actually do that and be comfortable!! Anyway, over the last couple of days, I've noticed some of my biological signs of fertility returning. I jumped online and checked the moon phase and, sure enough, we're in the waning crecent. Coincidence? I think not. I'm hoping that, by increasing my exposure to the elements a bit, I will be able to keep my biological and lunar cycles in synch so I only have one fertile time in a month. We'll see...