Are things totally backwards, or is it just me?

I swear, sometimes it just hits me that our society is just backwards in so many ways. There are many things that led me to this thought path...and I will elaborate on a few. First is the one that peeves me the very most...the issue of our dog, Max. You know, the Boston Terrier that we adopted a few months back? Well, when we were transitioning from Walnut Creek to Fresno, a friend of our watched our cats and dog while we were gone. They sent Max to a friend of theirs (who has a fenced in yard, etc.) and they kept the cats...we had met this friend a couple of times...nice girl. Well, we went back to Walnut Creek to get our stuff and our pets, and we can't get in contact with her. Long story short, all attempts at communication with her have failed. She ignores our calls, and does not return them. We don't know where she lives. The people who watched our cats say they've tried to get ahold of her multiple times on our behalf, but can't get ahold of her. I don't really believe this, but whatever. So, we can't get Max back. She loved him at first sight when she met him, and we think either something happened to him while he was under her care and she's afraid to tell, or she just wants to keep him. In any event, it's been over a month since we've seen Max. We've resigned ourselves to the fact that we're most likely not going to see him again. What kind of a world is this? Why would they keep our dog? It wasn't theirs! In any event, Deklan had been asking about Max, saying he loves him and misses him, etc., and it was just breaking our hearts! So, after much discussion, I posted an ad on craigslist asking about adopting a small pup. So, after a couple of puppy interviews, we chose our new puppy!! This is Ziggy, our little mutt! He's a Pug/Lab-Shepherd mix...his mom is a Pug. He's a pure joy, and really well-behaved (for the most part!) already at 9 weeks old. He's great with the kids, and the cats are teaching him all about cat/dog respect. They still puff their tails every now and again, but are pretty chill for the most part. So anyway, lesson learned. It's amazing how few people in this world one can actually trust.

Another thing that has been making me think about our society is again along the topics of pregnancy and childbirth. Yeah, I guess I'm a little obsessive about those topics. I can't help it, though! From the beginning of my career as a nurse, before I even started nursing school, really, pregnancy and birth fascinated me. Then I made a brief departure as I began my career in the medical field, concentrating so intently on what I had studied...but the pull back to the miracle of new life returned, then became even closer to my heart with the birth of my two sons, getting to experience it all for myself! The contrast between my first and second pregnancies and the subsequent births is sharp...Deklans was a very medical, traditionally-Western birth. Gavins was more relaxed, back to common sense and the roots of our history as a race, looking back past the recent era where birth and womens bodies have been claimed by medicine to the centuries past when a woman depended on a trusted midwife and her own body and baby to guide her through labor and birth. Wow...sorry for the tangent! So this was my thought: what happened to traditions regarding the postpartum period? A woman is expected to give birth, get used to the role of motherhood, then be back to work in six weeks or less. Now, of course I understand that there are women out there who are blessed with family who helps during that time, but I'm just thinking in general. Most women have little to no help after birth...her husband might get to stay home for a week or two, and maybe her mother comes and stays with her for a week or two if she's very lucky. Most women have to attempt to run their homes while still recovering. What happened to the days gone by? I've read stories of traditions where a woman was secluded with her baby and female friends and relatives for the first week following the birth. During this time, her family was cared for by others and she and her baby were pampered and supported during that first important week. She was dressed and her hair brushed and her feet washed, she was fed good food, full of calories and protein to help her body recouperate. She was expected to relax, rest, and bond with her baby. She was waited on, hand and foot. Then, after the first week was over, she spent the next 7 weeks (for a total of two months) in her own home, but only directing her household, while friends and relatives took care of everything. She wasn't expected to lift a finger, just heal, bond with her baby, and be pampered so she could feel pretty again. And that's just an example. Why don't we do things like that anymore? I really wish I could have been there for my best friend, Laura (a.k.a LoLo) a few weeks back when she gave birth to her little girl. I wish she could have counted on me to help her, to cook and clean and wash for her, to take care of her and just let her enjoy her baby. I want to be able to do that for my friends someday. To make my friend or family member feel special after the birth of their baby. To not just keep their house and feed them, but to braid their hair and wash and rub their feet, make them tea and tell them how wonderful and strong and perfect they are. But our society makes this difficult. Not only does it have no room for such traditions, but the fact that many women work outside of the home makes it difficult to take weeks off at a time. Even when I reach my goal of being a midwife, I'll still be working. It would still be difficult to find the time to take off. You know, maybe I could try to incorporate some of these elements into my midwifery. Thinking back, I had many ideas that I would have loved to have done, like doing a belly-cast or having my belly and feet and hands hennaed in my last weeks...I just never had the opportunity to do them. My family members hated the idea of henna...too much like tattoos, they said. Didn't want any part of it. I didn't have the energy to orchestrate something like a belly-casting...getting instructions, supplies, finding someone willing to do it. I wish I could have. Maybe I could have a few things that a momma could choose from...to have one of her latter-week appointments be something special like that if they chose. Have her bring a couple of friends, or have it just be the momma, doula, and midwife if she wishes...but to let her have the chance to do something special like a belly-casting or henna. Something commemorative, even if she doesn't have the support of friends or family. Maybe that's a weird idea, but I think it's pretty darn cool. Midwives have a relationship with their mommas unlike any other healthcare professional. I don't think it would be crossing any lines to have something like that available to a momma if she wanted to do it. I would have loved to have the chance to do something like that with my midwife.

On a less contemplative note, I've finished a few projects that were on the needles for a while. I finished my Dad's hat, MamaG's bag, my sister-in-law Donna's t-shirt yarn bag, and LoLo's baby blanket. I also started a red woolen crochet tam for myself, now that my hair is starting to get long again. If I like it, I'll make another. It's my first truly free-style crochet piece, where it isn't even based on a pattern, I'm just winging it. Kinda' exciting and liberating! Kinda' scary...I'm worried that it'll suck and I'll end up just unravelling it all and starting over from scratch. I love the yarn I've chosen...it's Kashmira, a 100% wool yarn by Sensations. It's got a nice stretch to it, and I think I chose just the right hook for the job. Speaking of hooks, Gavin stuck my very favorite, most-used crochet hook into the fireplace vent, and I can't get to it. Bugger. So I'm looking for a new one today to take its place. And maybe I'll pick up a skein or two to make me feel better about losing Old Faithful! Hehehe...the excuses I find to buy yarn are so silly...

Oh, I guess I should throw in an update about our situation. Well, I parted ways with Agostini after a long, turbulent time with them. I would never recommend them to anyone as an agency. Ever. I ended up being without work for a week. This worked just find since we had the family reunion to go to. The whole time we were in Newport Beach, I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get paperwork and whatnot in order for the Fresno job, found for my by Bestaff. So far they've been a really good agency. I started in Fresno on Dec. 15th for a 13-week contract at Community Regional Medical Center's Neuroscience unit. It's very interesting, and I've learned quite a bit. I'd like to extend here for another contract, if they still have the need. The unit is comprised of four seperate units: the Stroke unit, Step-down unit, Med-Surg Neuro unit, and Neurosurgery unit. I float between all four of them. I deal with everything from strokes to head trauma to neck/back surgeries to seizures and alcohol withdraw. I went ahead an completed my ACLS training, which has opened more doors for me travel-wise. The funny thing about all of this is that we're living in Fresno, the very town where we were robbed 5 years ago. We actually live just a few miles from that area. What's funny is that, on that fateful day 5 years ago, we decided for the first time on our trip to stay in a nice hotel instead of a total dive. It's a nice area where we live, in a gated community, two bed/two bath apartment, huge, with a fireplace, washer/dryer, and fully furnished, for free. Oh, the perks of being a travel nurse!! Not only that, but I'm making double what I was making in Walnut Creek!! FINALLY. It feels like we're making progress on our financial situation! When I was offered the position here, I was uncertain about coming here due to past experience. But then I just closed my eyes and dove in and trusted that all would be well, and I'm so glad that I did. The unit where I work is full of hard-working people who work together as a team and help one another. That's rare. Anyhoo, that's what's going on with us. Just chillin' in Fresno. Enjoying the San Joaquin Valley and the dense winter fog. Not really looking forward to the summer, if we're still here. I hear the summers are pretty much terrible...scorching hot, no rain, dusty and dirty...yuck. Well, we'll see...

Quickie update...a post from my myspace blog!

Whew!! So, life has been busy over here! I know a lot of you out there don't visit my real blog (not that it entirely matters, as I haven't updated it in about a month...), so I thought I'd post a little update! Most recently, my contract in Walnut Creek was cancelled (the hospital cancelled all of its travel nurses), which caused some MAJOR issues. In the end, I was without a job for a couple of weeks, had a falling out with my company, found a new company that rocks, and have a new job now! I am in Fresno, CA now. Yep, Fresno. The very Fresno in which Trav and I were robbed five years ago. *sigh* Well, the price was right, and the hospital was promising, and it was a JOB, which I so desperately needed, so I took the assignment. So we're here for 3 months. Our place here is really nice, and the hospital is pretty darn cool too. I work on the Neuroscience floor, working mostly with strokes, brain injuries, and neurosurgeries.
Between jobs, we went to Newport Beach to the Dempsey family reunion. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are having their first baby!! Poor Donna was green in the gills most of the time, although days were better than nights so trips to L.A., San Diego, and Huntington Beach were enjoyable. Jason brought his long-time girlfriend, Amber, and it was great to spend some time with her. Apparently, Jason had planned on proposing to her during the trip, but the ring people dropped the ball and the ring arrived the day they left!! So, we just got news this week that he proposed back in Ohio. Welcome to the family, new baby Dempsey and Amber! We had a good time (between me running around from place to place like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get paperwork ready for my new contract), spent lots of time with family, took a tie-dying class, walked along the Pacific ocean, and visited cool places. I LOVED Huntington Beach (a.k.a. Surf City, USA) and Balboa Island. If you ever visit that area, go to Balboa Island. The views and the houses are awesome, and there's this groovy little shop called Art for the Soul that I adored...I could furnish my entire house with stuff from that shop!
Let's see...what else...my best bud, LoLo, became a mommy! Welcome to the world, Emma Lee Juliet, and good job on the home waterbirth, LoLo! You're a strong woman and I know you'll be an awesome mommy. I wish with all of my heart that I could have been there for you and supported you during such and awesome thing as childbirth.

 And congrats to her sis, April, on the birth of Liberty, also a baby girl...also, her sister and my friend, Leigh, is pregnant with her fifth baby girl! Wow. Now THAT is a house full of women! That's about it for now, I think. I'll try to update my real blog more often, and upload some new pics soon. We love and miss all of the homefolks!

Oh, the drama!

*sigh* I don't know what to think these days. My contract with Kaiser got cancelled due to low census last weekend, so I'm without a job. Thankfully, my agency provides per diem work and I've been able to pick up hours to still get a paycheck. But without a contract, I don't have any housing. If I don't have a contract by Tuesday, we'll be homeless. Scary. I really need to sign on staff somewhere, but we just don't have the means to do that right now. We didn't know that my contract was getting cancelled...I got literally NO notice. I went into work a week ago today and was told to go home, that I no longer had a contract. Yep, just like that. So, we had been paying bills as planned, trying to make a dent in our debt, so we have NO money saved for a deposit on an apartment or anything. We're nervous, but we're trying to have faith that everything will work out. But all of this has made us reevaluate what we're doing out here. This is definitely the best place to be to make money, but is it worth it? Is it worth the uncertainty and unstability? I mean, my kids might be homeless in two days for crying out loud!!! Should we just move back East and find a way to make it work? I don't know...we just can't figure it out right now.

On a lighter subject, I've been doing a lot of research on moon cycles, since I'm anticipating the return of my fertility soon. It's amazing how we're connected to the earth...the universe, really. A lot of people in the Christian circles that we run in would say that sounds "New Age-y", but it's really not. We came from the dust of the earth...like it or not, we're connected. From dust we came and to dust we'll return. Also, all of the references in the Bible about the stars and signs...there's a lot more to it than meets the eye. So, back to the subject of fertility and moon cycles. It is said the moon can actually trigger a woman to ovulate. We've all heard stories where a woman swears up and down that she got pregnant during her period...when it is biologically impossible. Here is a clip from an article that I found that describes the tie much better than I think I could:
"Women's periods have been tied to the moon and the lunar cycle for literally thousands of years. Before modern science came along to explain that a woman menstruates because of her changing hormones, it was generally accepted that a woman's periods followed the lunar cycle. After all, the moon controls the ocean, why not women's bodies? As a result, some believe that it is possible for a woman to have two fertile times during her menstrual cycle: the first occurring when she ovulates and the second according to her lunar phase fertility period. The theory of lunar phase fertility is generally credited to Dr. Eugene Jonas. In the 1950s, Dr. Jonas tried to find an explanation as to why so many women became pregnant despite faithfully practicing the rhythm method. The fact that these women were becoming pregnant at a time when they weren't suppose to be fertile lead Dr. Jonas to reason that maybe women had more than one fertile period during a month. Since Dr. Jonas was very much into astrology, and since the original ways of charting a woman's period were based on the lunar cycles, he turned his attention heaven ward. Not surprisingly, Dr. Jonas was met with quite a bit of skepticism from the medical and scientific world. Since his theory cannot be proven by modern-day scientific reasoning, many choose to dismiss the idea of having two fertile times as nonsense. However, a British study done on lunar phase fertility found that men's sperm counts significantly increased during their lunar fertility period. Another study showed that women who practiced abstinence during both their biological and lunar fertile period were 98% effective in preventing pregnancy. This is a pretty significant increase from the 75% effectiveness rate of being abstinent only during your biological fertility period. Although the connection between the moon and our bodies is not fully understood, the fact remains that we are affected by the moon's phases. Most notably, our moods and emotions tend to peak when the moon is full. This is backed up by the fact that doctors and nurses who work in emergency rooms have said over and over again that their busiest night of the month always occurs when the moon is full. Women, however, have long held a connection with the moon. Charting your menstrual period according to the moon is one of the oldest forms of menstrual calendars. In fact, it is believed that the first calendars were based upon women's charts of their menstrual cycles and the moon cycles. Yet, with the shift from Pagan beliefs to Christian beliefs came the shift from the lunar calendar (consisting of 13 months, all 28 days, totaling 364 days) to the solar calendar, which is what we have now (12 months, 28, 29, 30 and 31 days depending on which month you're in). Many women have chosen to return to the lunar calendar in order to chart their periods while many others use a lunar calendar to compliment the more conventional type of menstrual chart. They also find it beneficial to use the moon as their guide to their periods because it provides them with a visual reference as to what stage of their cycle they are in. To understand the lunar fertility cycle, you must first understand the moon's cycle. Quite simply, every month the moon transitions from a new moon to a waxing moon then to a full moon and finally to a waning moon before becoming a new moon once again. This lunar cycle, from new moon to new moon, takes 28 days to complete. Directly related to this is the fact that, on average, a woman's menstrual cycle is 28 days. However, it is normal for a woman's cycle to range from 25 to 34 days. The lunar fertility cycle works on the premise that you can be fertile during your menstrual cycle when the moon is in the same phase it was when you were born. For example, if the moon was in the waning phase when you were born, then, once menstruation begins during puberty, you will be fertile whenever the moon is waning. It is thought that the reason for this fertile phase happens at birth when the moon arouses certain biochemical and hormonal states in your body, which then continue to influence your body for life. Because the lunar fertility cycle works on a 28-day cycle and your menstrual cycle (most likely) does not, this means that it is possible for you to be fertile twice during the same menstrual cycle. Many feel that lunar phase fertility could be responsible for spontaneous ovulation during the month and could explain why some women get pregnant while they have their period. However, it is also possible for your lunar fertility phase to coincide with ovulation, giving you just one fertile period during the month. By charting and keeping track of both your lunar and biological cycles, it will be easy to know just how fertile you will be during the month."
Hmmm...makes sense to me! I got curious and looked back at when Gavin was conceived, since he was a total surprise. Yep, sure enough, he was conceived during the last quarter, the waning crecent, the phase the moon was in when I was born. Amazing! There are so many connections to birth and water, from the amniotic fluid the baby lives in until his birth to the waves of contractions during labor. As the article stated, if the moon controls the ocean's tides, why would it NOT have an effect on people? I've read that some women have lost their connection to the moon in a way, thus causing the two different cycles in one month. Working the night shift, sleeping with windows and blinds shut...these things could, in theory, effect that. So, as a little experiment, we moved our bed closer to the window, and I sleep on that side of the bed, with the blinds slightly open, and the window open. The weather is so nice here, I can actually do that and be comfortable!! Anyway, over the last couple of days, I've noticed some of my biological signs of fertility returning. I jumped online and checked the moon phase and, sure enough, we're in the waning crecent. Coincidence? I think not. I'm hoping that, by increasing my exposure to the elements a bit, I will be able to keep my biological and lunar cycles in synch so I only have one fertile time in a month. We'll see...

Thoughts on a birthing home

With all of my thoughts about my future lately, I've begun thinking about how I would like my birthing home to be. Of course, my ideas are very much subject to change, as my situation could vary greatly depending on how my "stars align", as it were. My thought is to have my own practice as a CNM/FNP, although if I find the right person/people, I'd love to work with the holistic-minded physician or midwife. That being said, I am writing this post under the assumption that I will not be working in a typical office/hospital setting. So here are a few of the ideas that I've come up with for MY birthing home:

~It would be an old house...perhaps historical or Victorian...possibly an old Bed & Breakfast. I love the feel and the energy of an old house. It has charm and personality, but it also feels more wholesome than today's cookie-cutter houses.
~It would be on at least 1/4 acre, but preferably 1/2 + acres. I'd like to have a yard with perhaps a small playground/play area for kids, a flower garden, and my herb garden. That way my mommas would have a place to walk around in early labor, their kids would have a place to play, and I'd be able to harvest my own herbs for my teas and compounding.
~I'd like to have the interior painted in the style of Lazure. I love the peaceful feel of Lazure, and how each room is painted to reflect its purpose.
~If it is ONLY a birthing home, it would have to be at least 4 bedrooms, providing for an exam room, two birthing rooms, and an office. If it is a family practice as well as a birthing home, it would have to be at least 5 bedrooms, providing for an additional exam room.
~Each birthing room should have its own Jacuzzi tub. One of the full baths in the home will have an immense shower...big enough for a laboring momma and her partner to have plenty of room.
~I'd like the house to have a big, open-plan living room/dining room/kitchen area, which would function as the waiting room. That way there would be full access to the kitchen for my families and a spacious area for kiddos to play. I'd have a big TV with cable and a DVD player...let's face it, labor can take a LOOONNNGGG time!
~The kitchen would be fully furnished, with all cooking accessories, dishes, and appliances. That way I could whip up goodies for my families, but also the families could feel free to cook their own after-birth meals if they wanted, or a birthday cake for the new babe.
~Ideally, it would have either an attic or basement or other large space for classes, meetings, yoga, etc.
~For an additional homey feel, I'd like to have the waiting room stocked daily with things like fresh herbal teas, fruits and nuts, and yummy, healthy baked goods if I feel particularly inspired that morning!

So many ideas! Travis is all for it, and is totally behind all of my ideas, for which I am grateful. Our hope is that our time here in California will allow us to not only get back on our feet financially, but also allow us to pay for our schooling and put a hefty downpayment on a house. If we were able to do that, that would give us the financial freedom (I hope!) to do all of these things. It's a lot, I know. But we're determined. Part of Frontier's program has to do with running a business, so I'm glad I'll get some training as far as the business end of things. It's hard for me to even fathom working in MY environment! You know, it's going to be really cool to read this blog ten years from now and see where my thoughts have gotten me...

A few projects...

I've been knocking out a few sewing and crocheting projects here lately. Here are pics of a couple...

This is Deklan's beanie...it's a wool/soy blend. It was actually going to be for my dad, but it was a modified pattern and turned out too small. So, I guess I'll have to make another for Dad!

This is a crochet blanket that I made for my friend Sarah and her newborn babe, Austin. It went along with the sling that I posted pics of a few posts ago.


This is a sling that I made for my BFF, Lolo. I made an identical one for her sis, April (who is due two weeks before Lolo is), and a wrap for Gavin out of the same cut of material. It's a super-light teal gauze with a tiny silver stripe running through it...I love it!
That's it for now...I had more pics that I wanted to post, but blogger is rebelling and won't recognize my attempts to upload. Guess I'll post them another day. Oh well...it's off to work I go!

These days...

...we've been making a lot of decisions. Like staying here for an extended contract. This new contract will bring me thru the beginning of February at the hospital in Walnut Creek. I had really hoped to get to Redding straight away, but the only hospital with a need was still two hours away from Redding, so what was the point? So, I'm just letting my recruiter know that the only option after this contract is Redding. If they can't find me a position, then I'll go as staff. Since we're staying, we'll be staying in the same apartment. This makes me kind of happy, as I love our neighborhood! Deklan as become such good buddies with the German Shepherd that lives across the way. His name is Charlie, and believe it or not, he's still a puppy! This is the same friendly guy who greeted us the day we moved in, running into the house and showering Gavin with excessively slobbery kisses. This shot of Deklan and Charlie was taken by Charlie's dad for a project he was working on (he's doing classes in Photography).



I did some overtime a couple of weeks ago, and that check finally rolled in. We had been wanting to spend a day in San Fran and I had a run of four days off over a weekend, so we decided to go! We went to Pier 39 and checked out the shops, the boats, the street performers, and the Blue Angels!! We didn't even know that they were having an airshow that day, and it was awesome! In the years that I lived near Airforce bases, I never got to see an airshow...it took me moving across the country for it to happen! Gavin was impressed...


We also went to The Aquarium by the Bay, an aquarium dedicated to water-life in and around the San Fran Bay. Deklan loved it! They had different column-like aquariums with various habitats, such as under a pier, reefs, and grassy/sandy areas.

They had an area where you could touch a bat ray, a baby leopard shark, a sea urchin, or a starfish. Deklan was scared to touch them, then Daddy finally convinced him to touch the least "scary" of the bunch if he touched it at the same time. That starfish was really big!
There was also an aquarium tunnel that you could walk thru, and you were surrounded by water. There were two tunnels, one with smaller fish and another with big fish and sharks. There were fish and sharks bigger than Deklan! He was really amazed...he kept yelling "WHOA!! Look at that one!"

We had hot dogs and clam chowder in a sourdough bread bowl, saw the bridge and Alcatraz, and had a good time as a family. It seems like it's been so long since we've gone out and done something special together, not just the weekly shopping.
I got a call from Lolo yesterday, and she said they're heading back to Alabama from Honduras in three weeks. I found some more awesome material at Joann, so I have a LOT of diaper sewing to do! I got more Aplix in from Kayla's Cloth Kits so I can actually finish some. My sewing has really fallen by the wayside, and I don't have a lot of time left to get quite a bit of stuff finished.
I've also been giving a lot of thought these days to my "career path", as it were. I don't really think of it as a career path, but I guess that's exactly what it is. Anyway, I recently had the chance to talk to a midwife who had also gone on to be a Family Nurse Practitioner. She said that she never regretted that decision, and that she loves the versatility that it gives her, as well as the continuity. I keep thinking how I wish that I could see Harmony (my midwife for Gavin) for EVERYTHING, not just pregnancy, childbirth, and yearlies. How cool would it be to have an NP at your primary provider's office, then discover that you're pregnant and have the same person care for your throughout your pregnancy, childbirth, post-partum, then continue to care for you and your family? What a relationship! I would love to be able to work in a somewhat rural area and provide that kind of continuity! I want to start my Master Herbalist program sometime in the next few months. When we're done here in California, I'm going to start the midwifery program. Since Frontier offers NP programs as well as CNM, they will "combine" your programs as best as they can to minimize redundant classes and expedite your schooling. Geez, I guess I'll have a lot of alphabet soup behind my name if I finish all of this as planned. Can you see it? Jessica R. Dempsey, RN, MH, CNM, FNP. Dang. I don't care about the credentials, though, as much as I care about what I will be actually doing at the point. I was trying to explain it all to Travis during our drive yesterday. I always wanted to be a nurse. I was never super excited about going to school for nursing...I loved it and still love it, but it was just kind of always what I figured I would do. Now, looking at years of schooling ahead of me, I'm excited. REALLY excited. Like I can't wait to start, excited. I'll be in my 30's when I finish. Experienced enough to know a thing or two, but young enough to keep learning and have years to establish myself. I can't wait!!

Ponderings...

Well, I'm going to be 27 in a few days. That amazes me! I don't think that I'm "old" or anything, I'm just amazed at how time passes us by. It's little things...like hearing an old school Green Day song and then realizing I liked them in middle school when I was 12-13 years old. That was 15 years ago! Holy crap! Has 15 years really passed? It makes me suddenly feel like I'm in a time warp or something. I've been married for over 6 years, I have two children. I've changed so much over the years. Oh, I'm still the same me, I just view things differently. I remember thinking about my future before I married Trav, thinking about how life as I envisioned it would be. How different it has been than I imagined it! It's been wonderful, mind you, just different than I thought it would be. I thought that we'd end up in New York, doing street and teen work for the local church. Or perhaps we'd stay in the Florida panhandle and start a girl's home there. I thought I wouldn't be working, just being a stay-at-home mom to my children. I thought that I'd have more than two children after 6.5 years of marriage! Instead, we've been burned repeatedly by "the brethren", although we still hope to be in the ministry in some capacity. We've lived in 4 different areas of the country. We had two precious little boys. My views regarding nursing, the medical field in general, and working have changed. I want to keep my home, but I also want to work. I want to go back to school. I want to be a midwife and an herbalist. I've learned a few things about breaking out of the mold and being who I really am. I've learned about balance. Twenty-seven years. I'll be thirty soon. My husband will be thirty-two the day after my birthday. Thirties?? When did that happen? I love my life. I love the direction it has taken. I wouldn't change a single thing. Even the "bad" things that have happened in my life have been blessings in disguise, shaping my way though life, guiding me in different directions, meeting new people, going new places. I am thankful for them.

So, where do I see myself in the future? Well, I see us owning a home up north somewhere...hopefully Michigan. I see me becoming what I so desire...a midwife. I think I'll be doing homebirths only initially...maybe open my own birthing home after a while. I see myself having land, animals, and a garden...to be as self-sufficient as possible. I hope for more children. I'd love to be able to serve in the ministry in some way...beside my husband with him being a pastor or youth minister, perhaps. My future is wide open, and anything is possible!