My hair is red!

Here are some pics of my adventures in henna-land so far! The top two are "before" pictures, with and without the flash (so you can see the difference in bright light and dim light). The middle pic is what 300 grams of Punjabi Prime henna prepared for hair looks like. I skipped pics of the process because it was so messy without a camera involved, and I skipped a pic of me with a hennaed-hair-with-Saran-wrap-beehive going on because I just looked silly. Then the bottom two pics are the results, day one! Probably should have worn the same colored shirt for the pics, but the light purple one got henna on it...I told you it was messy!!!

Henna!

I did it. I hennaed my hair. I took "before" pics, and am photo-documenting my adventures thru henna-land. I actually just stepped out of the shower from rinsing it all out, and since it's still wet, I'm going to wait till the morning to snap an "after" pic. And, according to my research, henna oxidizes after it's on the hair and darkens to a deeper shade after 3-4 days, so I suppose I'll have to take another pic then. Right off the bat, I LOVE the results!! I got 400 grams of Punjabi Prime body-art quality henna from mehandi.com, which was more than enough for my mid-back length hair. I actually only mixed up 300 grams, and still have a baggie of mix left over in the freezer for root touch-ups. So that leaves me with 100 grams to do with as I please...there are some girls at work who want to try it, so I might give them some. Or I might try a little bit of body-art on my feet and see how that goes. Or I might just hang onto it for the next henna episode. I have to say, it was a bit messier than I thought it would be, and SO heavy! Once I had my hair up in a saran-wrapped beehive, it weighed a least 5 lbs more than it normally does! It felt so good to wash it out. Next time I might recruit Travis, or see if there's a salon in the area that would apply it for me if I bring in the mixed henna. Anyhoo, I'll post pics over the next day or so.

On the workfront, all is well. My manager has officially offered me a full-time day position as staff, and HR is supposed to call me tomorrow to give me an offer. We'll see how all that goes. I DO know that they're not planning on using travelers on that floor anymore past the summer. There will be travel positions available elsewhere in the hospital, but I want to stay on the 9th floor. I like it there. If for some reason I don't take the staff job, I MIGHT be able to extend once, but after that I'll have to leave. I hope we get to stay.

A time to wait...

So, after looking at the application for Frontier, I realized a few things. First off, I'm just going to have to apply for the CNM program first, then do the FNP later if I have the money. I just don't know if I can commit to doing both programs at once, not knowing how I'm going to finance it. Since midwifery is the direction in which I am DEFINITELY going and FNP is just a "perk" to make my awesome-continuity-of-care dream true, I'm going to go for midwifery first. Also, I realized there's no way I'm going to have all of my paperwork/references/transcripts together in time to have the whole lot sent out and arrived by February 14th (the deadline for starting school in the summer), so I'm just going to have to send it in as soon as I can and meet the deadline to start in the fall. That's good, in a way. We'll have a chance to figure out what in the world we're doing, find out if we're going to go staff here or not, etc. Kinda' bums me out a little bit, but it's also a relief in a way, to know that I have a little bit of time to formulate my answers to some of the questions on the application carefully, make sure that everything is together and professional-looking, etc.

I'm at a weird spot in my life. Since Gavin was born, we've had a couple of pregnancy "scares" that turned out to be nothing. We had one such episode a week or so ago. But now, instead of feeling glad that I'm not pregnant and being relieved, I find that I'm sad. I wish I were pregnant. I miss it. I would love to have another baby. I would love to have a blooming belly again. Baby fever? I don't really think so. But these emotions make me wonder if it's not time that we start thinking again about having another baby. I look at our life and think "My gosh, what terrible timing it would be if I get pregnant now!" But at the same time, neither of our sons were conceived at a "good" time. I thought I would want to wait another year or so before thinking about having another. But here I am, with such a desire. Strange. Maybe if we go staff here in Fresno and are in a solid place for a while, we'll talk about it.

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Well, I just had a chance to sit over coffee and talk about this with Trav. We're both hoping that a long-term contract works out so we can stay in Fresno for a while longer. Well, Trav said that if, in 6 months we either go staff or have a long-term contract set up so we have some stability, he'd be all for trying again in July! I hope this actually happens!

A day of driving and thinking...

We made our trip to San Francisco today, 2.5 hours one way, 5-6 hours round trip! That leaves a lot of time for me to talk and think and crochet. I finished my red wool tam, and I like it quite well! I would have taken a pic of it actually on my head (I wore it most of the day today), but I'm oiling my hair right this second and don't want olive oil all over my nice new creation. Came out rather nicely, did it not? It's mostly a double crochet, with a little accent close to the headband part, then the headband was decreased and a single crochet, with an eyelet row for a tie so it's more adjustable and doesn't slide around as much. Me likey! I'm going to have to make one in black or some other less bright color now, so I can wear it to work. I hate wearing my hair up all of the time, and this would allow me to wear it "down", but it would still be contained. Trav likes it, and tells me I'm turning into more of a hippie every day. I'm assuming that's a compliment?

After I write this post, I'm going to go back and see if I can paste in some pics of stuff from a couple of posts ago into the original post without totally screwing it up. My camera died and I couldn't find the battery charger while we were in Newport Beach, so I'm bugging my mother-in-law to email me pictures of Donna's t-shirt yarn bag. I love it so much! I totally wanted to keep it!

So, on to the "thinking" part of the trip. I'm so glad that I have a husband who's so supportive of my desires to go back to school! We've both gotten to the point where we can't imagine life any other way than me being a midwife. That's so awesome. Anyhoo, I'm not going to go on and on about midwifery, for once. We were discussing, instead, how we envision our life in the future. We hope to live on a decent plot of land, 5 acres at the minimum, hopefully more like 10+. We would love to have animals...chickens for laying, a milk cow for dairy and to hopefully calve once a year, providing us with meat for the freezer, a couple of goats (also for milk), maybe a few sheep for the wool, and a couple of horses for pleasure. We want a large garden, and fruit trees, and an herb garden. We want a simple life, one filled with family and the service of others. Our hope is that Travis will be in the ministry in some capacity, pastor or assistant pastor perhaps. And of course, I will be a midwife, with a home visit practice and hopefully with a birthing home. For all of our animals, we'd have to have a decent barn. It would be totally awesome to build a bunkhouse in the loft of the barn, like we had at the old 2x4 Ranch. It just had a bathroom, a ktichenette, and 4 "bunk" areas, for sleepovers and guests. Trav wants to be able to hunt, and we want to be able to build an awesome treehouse for the kiddos. We would both be in positions of service, and our living situation would also allow us to serve others. We could offer food to those without, our of our freezer, garden, and pantry (canning...woohoo!). We could offer shelter to someone who needs a hand to get on their feet, giving them privacy and allowing us to help without having people in our actual home (bunkhouses rock...). We would be almost totally self-sustaining, as far as food and basics go. I really hope our lives end up this way.

Trav took long enough from gaming to look at some pics of hennaed hair, and he's O.K. with it! So, I'll be placing an order, then I'm sure will have pictures to follow!

Trav just emptied the trash (being the good man that he is), and made a terrible face. Gavin is crying because he wants to play with the garbage, I guess. Travis told him that he doesn't want to play with it, because if it sat for much longer, it would have grown legs and hurt him! Ick...

I'm working two days, off one day, then working three days, so I don't think I'll be blogging that much for the next week-ish. Well, I'm off to shower the oil out of my hair...ta-ta for now!

I'm going to do it!

I've made up my mind...I'm going back to school. And soon. I'm going to try to get my application and all of the necessary paperwork in by the middle of February so I can start school in June. I don't see the point of waiting any longer. I'll be doing school part-time, and I can only afford to do my CNM at the moment, but the point is that I'm starting. I'm going to have to go back to do my FNP at a later time. Oh, who knows...I have to have an interview with the dean before I'm accepted, and if we want to do both courses, we're expected to declare that at that time. Maybe I'll just dive in and hope and pray that it works out in the end. Speaking of diving in, we're also considering staying here in Fresno for a couple of years. Crazy, huh? If I can, I'm going to get an extension here at CRMC to see if it's really truly a place that I can stay and be happy for a while. I would end up taking a cut in pay, but they're offering contracts right now for one or two years that include a sizeable bonus and relocation pay. We'd be able to move our stuff from FL to CA and settle here. We're just trying to determine if it's worth it...is it worth a cut in pay and dealing with CA taxes and weather for a couple of years in order to have some stability and go to school, bearing the bonus in mind? I'm trying to think of a way to discuss this with my boss. I know that they'd hire me...they already have been trying to recruit me! I've been nicknamed "Smiley" since I apparently smile all of the time. Staff are begging me to stay. I really like the floor that I'm working on...it's the first place that I've worked at since Bay Med that I can say I've been truly happy, and that I feel that the staff works together well. Sure, it's got its issues just like any other place, but I feel that I could stay there and be happy. So many things to weigh...

Well, we were going to go to San Fran today, but Trav forgot that it is Saturday, and Saturday in San Fran is madness!! The traffic is horrendous and crowds are ridiculous. So, we're going to wait until Monday. Yes, I actually have three days off in a row!! Woohoo!! I don't know what to do with myself! Well, actually, I spent the whole morning cleaning the house and getting laundry going. Then I showered (I smell like Patchouli and Lavender...I just keep sniffing myself...I love the earthy smell of patchouli!), and am now sitting here enjoying my second cup of coffee, listening to a little Jason Myles Goss and blogging. I'm trying to finish housebreaking Ziggy today, and work on some projects over the weekend. I'm thinking of ordering henna and hennaing my hair, but I'm having a bit of a time explaining it to Travis. I think that he thinks that if I henna my hair, then it will grow out red for the rest of my life or something! I'm trying to show him some pics from the Mehandi website, but he's too busy gaming to pay much attention. Maybe later.

I jumped on a real estate site for Michigan last night and looked up some Victorian houses in the area that we'd like to settle in. There were two that were just birthing homes waiting to happen! You know, so many of our plans have changed in the last several years, sometimes I get worried that this will just be another one of those changed plans. Or is it just that those things have changed to get me to this point? Guess I'll find out someday.

Are things totally backwards, or is it just me?

I swear, sometimes it just hits me that our society is just backwards in so many ways. There are many things that led me to this thought path...and I will elaborate on a few. First is the one that peeves me the very most...the issue of our dog, Max. You know, the Boston Terrier that we adopted a few months back? Well, when we were transitioning from Walnut Creek to Fresno, a friend of our watched our cats and dog while we were gone. They sent Max to a friend of theirs (who has a fenced in yard, etc.) and they kept the cats...we had met this friend a couple of times...nice girl. Well, we went back to Walnut Creek to get our stuff and our pets, and we can't get in contact with her. Long story short, all attempts at communication with her have failed. She ignores our calls, and does not return them. We don't know where she lives. The people who watched our cats say they've tried to get ahold of her multiple times on our behalf, but can't get ahold of her. I don't really believe this, but whatever. So, we can't get Max back. She loved him at first sight when she met him, and we think either something happened to him while he was under her care and she's afraid to tell, or she just wants to keep him. In any event, it's been over a month since we've seen Max. We've resigned ourselves to the fact that we're most likely not going to see him again. What kind of a world is this? Why would they keep our dog? It wasn't theirs! In any event, Deklan had been asking about Max, saying he loves him and misses him, etc., and it was just breaking our hearts! So, after much discussion, I posted an ad on craigslist asking about adopting a small pup. So, after a couple of puppy interviews, we chose our new puppy!! This is Ziggy, our little mutt! He's a Pug/Lab-Shepherd mix...his mom is a Pug. He's a pure joy, and really well-behaved (for the most part!) already at 9 weeks old. He's great with the kids, and the cats are teaching him all about cat/dog respect. They still puff their tails every now and again, but are pretty chill for the most part. So anyway, lesson learned. It's amazing how few people in this world one can actually trust.

Another thing that has been making me think about our society is again along the topics of pregnancy and childbirth. Yeah, I guess I'm a little obsessive about those topics. I can't help it, though! From the beginning of my career as a nurse, before I even started nursing school, really, pregnancy and birth fascinated me. Then I made a brief departure as I began my career in the medical field, concentrating so intently on what I had studied...but the pull back to the miracle of new life returned, then became even closer to my heart with the birth of my two sons, getting to experience it all for myself! The contrast between my first and second pregnancies and the subsequent births is sharp...Deklans was a very medical, traditionally-Western birth. Gavins was more relaxed, back to common sense and the roots of our history as a race, looking back past the recent era where birth and womens bodies have been claimed by medicine to the centuries past when a woman depended on a trusted midwife and her own body and baby to guide her through labor and birth. Wow...sorry for the tangent! So this was my thought: what happened to traditions regarding the postpartum period? A woman is expected to give birth, get used to the role of motherhood, then be back to work in six weeks or less. Now, of course I understand that there are women out there who are blessed with family who helps during that time, but I'm just thinking in general. Most women have little to no help after birth...her husband might get to stay home for a week or two, and maybe her mother comes and stays with her for a week or two if she's very lucky. Most women have to attempt to run their homes while still recovering. What happened to the days gone by? I've read stories of traditions where a woman was secluded with her baby and female friends and relatives for the first week following the birth. During this time, her family was cared for by others and she and her baby were pampered and supported during that first important week. She was dressed and her hair brushed and her feet washed, she was fed good food, full of calories and protein to help her body recouperate. She was expected to relax, rest, and bond with her baby. She was waited on, hand and foot. Then, after the first week was over, she spent the next 7 weeks (for a total of two months) in her own home, but only directing her household, while friends and relatives took care of everything. She wasn't expected to lift a finger, just heal, bond with her baby, and be pampered so she could feel pretty again. And that's just an example. Why don't we do things like that anymore? I really wish I could have been there for my best friend, Laura (a.k.a LoLo) a few weeks back when she gave birth to her little girl. I wish she could have counted on me to help her, to cook and clean and wash for her, to take care of her and just let her enjoy her baby. I want to be able to do that for my friends someday. To make my friend or family member feel special after the birth of their baby. To not just keep their house and feed them, but to braid their hair and wash and rub their feet, make them tea and tell them how wonderful and strong and perfect they are. But our society makes this difficult. Not only does it have no room for such traditions, but the fact that many women work outside of the home makes it difficult to take weeks off at a time. Even when I reach my goal of being a midwife, I'll still be working. It would still be difficult to find the time to take off. You know, maybe I could try to incorporate some of these elements into my midwifery. Thinking back, I had many ideas that I would have loved to have done, like doing a belly-cast or having my belly and feet and hands hennaed in my last weeks...I just never had the opportunity to do them. My family members hated the idea of henna...too much like tattoos, they said. Didn't want any part of it. I didn't have the energy to orchestrate something like a belly-casting...getting instructions, supplies, finding someone willing to do it. I wish I could have. Maybe I could have a few things that a momma could choose from...to have one of her latter-week appointments be something special like that if they chose. Have her bring a couple of friends, or have it just be the momma, doula, and midwife if she wishes...but to let her have the chance to do something special like a belly-casting or henna. Something commemorative, even if she doesn't have the support of friends or family. Maybe that's a weird idea, but I think it's pretty darn cool. Midwives have a relationship with their mommas unlike any other healthcare professional. I don't think it would be crossing any lines to have something like that available to a momma if she wanted to do it. I would have loved to have the chance to do something like that with my midwife.

On a less contemplative note, I've finished a few projects that were on the needles for a while. I finished my Dad's hat, MamaG's bag, my sister-in-law Donna's t-shirt yarn bag, and LoLo's baby blanket. I also started a red woolen crochet tam for myself, now that my hair is starting to get long again. If I like it, I'll make another. It's my first truly free-style crochet piece, where it isn't even based on a pattern, I'm just winging it. Kinda' exciting and liberating! Kinda' scary...I'm worried that it'll suck and I'll end up just unravelling it all and starting over from scratch. I love the yarn I've chosen...it's Kashmira, a 100% wool yarn by Sensations. It's got a nice stretch to it, and I think I chose just the right hook for the job. Speaking of hooks, Gavin stuck my very favorite, most-used crochet hook into the fireplace vent, and I can't get to it. Bugger. So I'm looking for a new one today to take its place. And maybe I'll pick up a skein or two to make me feel better about losing Old Faithful! Hehehe...the excuses I find to buy yarn are so silly...

Oh, I guess I should throw in an update about our situation. Well, I parted ways with Agostini after a long, turbulent time with them. I would never recommend them to anyone as an agency. Ever. I ended up being without work for a week. This worked just find since we had the family reunion to go to. The whole time we were in Newport Beach, I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get paperwork and whatnot in order for the Fresno job, found for my by Bestaff. So far they've been a really good agency. I started in Fresno on Dec. 15th for a 13-week contract at Community Regional Medical Center's Neuroscience unit. It's very interesting, and I've learned quite a bit. I'd like to extend here for another contract, if they still have the need. The unit is comprised of four seperate units: the Stroke unit, Step-down unit, Med-Surg Neuro unit, and Neurosurgery unit. I float between all four of them. I deal with everything from strokes to head trauma to neck/back surgeries to seizures and alcohol withdraw. I went ahead an completed my ACLS training, which has opened more doors for me travel-wise. The funny thing about all of this is that we're living in Fresno, the very town where we were robbed 5 years ago. We actually live just a few miles from that area. What's funny is that, on that fateful day 5 years ago, we decided for the first time on our trip to stay in a nice hotel instead of a total dive. It's a nice area where we live, in a gated community, two bed/two bath apartment, huge, with a fireplace, washer/dryer, and fully furnished, for free. Oh, the perks of being a travel nurse!! Not only that, but I'm making double what I was making in Walnut Creek!! FINALLY. It feels like we're making progress on our financial situation! When I was offered the position here, I was uncertain about coming here due to past experience. But then I just closed my eyes and dove in and trusted that all would be well, and I'm so glad that I did. The unit where I work is full of hard-working people who work together as a team and help one another. That's rare. Anyhoo, that's what's going on with us. Just chillin' in Fresno. Enjoying the San Joaquin Valley and the dense winter fog. Not really looking forward to the summer, if we're still here. I hear the summers are pretty much terrible...scorching hot, no rain, dusty and dirty...yuck. Well, we'll see...

Quickie update...a post from my myspace blog!

Whew!! So, life has been busy over here! I know a lot of you out there don't visit my real blog (not that it entirely matters, as I haven't updated it in about a month...), so I thought I'd post a little update! Most recently, my contract in Walnut Creek was cancelled (the hospital cancelled all of its travel nurses), which caused some MAJOR issues. In the end, I was without a job for a couple of weeks, had a falling out with my company, found a new company that rocks, and have a new job now! I am in Fresno, CA now. Yep, Fresno. The very Fresno in which Trav and I were robbed five years ago. *sigh* Well, the price was right, and the hospital was promising, and it was a JOB, which I so desperately needed, so I took the assignment. So we're here for 3 months. Our place here is really nice, and the hospital is pretty darn cool too. I work on the Neuroscience floor, working mostly with strokes, brain injuries, and neurosurgeries.
Between jobs, we went to Newport Beach to the Dempsey family reunion. My brother-in-law and sister-in-law are having their first baby!! Poor Donna was green in the gills most of the time, although days were better than nights so trips to L.A., San Diego, and Huntington Beach were enjoyable. Jason brought his long-time girlfriend, Amber, and it was great to spend some time with her. Apparently, Jason had planned on proposing to her during the trip, but the ring people dropped the ball and the ring arrived the day they left!! So, we just got news this week that he proposed back in Ohio. Welcome to the family, new baby Dempsey and Amber! We had a good time (between me running around from place to place like a chicken with my head cut off, trying to get paperwork ready for my new contract), spent lots of time with family, took a tie-dying class, walked along the Pacific ocean, and visited cool places. I LOVED Huntington Beach (a.k.a. Surf City, USA) and Balboa Island. If you ever visit that area, go to Balboa Island. The views and the houses are awesome, and there's this groovy little shop called Art for the Soul that I adored...I could furnish my entire house with stuff from that shop!
Let's see...what else...my best bud, LoLo, became a mommy! Welcome to the world, Emma Lee Juliet, and good job on the home waterbirth, LoLo! You're a strong woman and I know you'll be an awesome mommy. I wish with all of my heart that I could have been there for you and supported you during such and awesome thing as childbirth.

 And congrats to her sis, April, on the birth of Liberty, also a baby girl...also, her sister and my friend, Leigh, is pregnant with her fifth baby girl! Wow. Now THAT is a house full of women! That's about it for now, I think. I'll try to update my real blog more often, and upload some new pics soon. We love and miss all of the homefolks!