I'm procrastinating...

Yeah...I have a lot to do today, but I just don't feel inspired yet.  I've had a productive day, but I still have a long list.  It looks like the house rental should come through fine.  We're turning in all of the paperwork and submitting our deposit on Tuesday, then we'll move in June 15th.  Well, we won't move in, really, but we'll take the keys.  Our lease here is up at the end of June, and we want to have a little overlap time to be able to clean the new house, move in, then clean the apartment.  I want to paint a couple of rooms, and it's been O.K.'d by the owners...I don't want to paint the whole thing, especially since I'll be doing it all on my own.  Probably just the living/dining room and bedrooms.  Everything is white right now, and with the lovely brick fireplace in the living room, it feels a shame to leave it all stark white.  I'm thinking that a green of some sort would be nice, and compliment the red brick nicely.  Anyhoo, I plan on painting for a couple of days, then scouring the place from top to bottom before we move in.  It'll be so much easier with no stuff in it yet.  Travis already has plans to build my 4x4 square-foot gardening boxes, and a sandbox for the boys.  The garage has a huge workbench/tool area that he's just dying to take advantage of.  These pics don't really do the place justice, but they are the only shots that I have...the realtor sent them to me.

I really have to finish crocheting the baby blanket for Leslie.  I'm also going to make a few monogrammed burp cloths for her, using thismamamakesstuff's guidelines.  If you haven't checked out her blog in my sidebar, you should.  She's one crafty mama!  Leslie's main color is purple, so I'm dyeing them lavender/purple and have a really cute fat quarter in mind for the monogrammed "N" for her daughters name "Nicki" (I think that's how she's going to spell it...it's a good thing it's just the first letter on the burp cloths!!!  :D).  The blanket is almost done, I only have about 6 inches left on it, then the border.  I'm just doing a single-crochet pattern, since the yarn is a boucle, then I'm going to borrow the border of the "Tiramisu Baby Blanket" pattern that I've used a few times, thank you Ravelry!

This morning I made the boys pancakes and a smoothie and turkey sausage, and Travis and I had eggs and turkey sausage, along with our coffee and a smoothie for me.  Trav doesn't like smoothies...weirdo.  I can't imagine why!  I've got the sheets in the dryer and a dark load in the washer, then I've got to wash the burp cloths a few times so they pick up the dye well.  I'd like to knock those out today, if at all possible.  I cleaned the kitchen and living room and our room, vacuumed, and spot-cleaned the bathrooms.  I still need to grocery shop and maybe pick up some paint chips from the store to get an idea of what I want in the house.  Trav has gotten hooked on my caesar salads, which have a custom-made dressing heavy in garlic and anchovies.  I didn't think he'd like the punch of the garlic and anchovy, but he really surprised me.  I like to chop up some boiled chicken and throw it in for a little protein, or shrimp if we have it.  

I haven't talked about birth much these last few posts.  I have to admit that I'm a bit preoccupied with the possibility of getting pregnant again soon.  Yes, baby fever.  I know I have weight to lose before we try again, but it won't be too long before fall arrives and we start thinking about trying again.  I think about it a lot.  In the meantime, I've enjoyed some of the blogs that I follow, reading birth stories and articles.  

Game 4 of the Red Wings vs. Blackhawks is going on right now.  I swear, one of the refs is getting paid to make calls in favor of the Blackhawks.  There have been some really bogus calls, especially in the last couple of games.  Well, go Wings...I know you can do it in spite of unfair referees!

I'm hoping that Trav will upload some pics onto the Mac for me, so I can add some pics that I've been wanting to add for quite some time.

American WHAAAA?!?

K.I.S.S. on American Idol?!?!  I thought this was a family show!  And what the *bleep* was Adam wearing anyway?!?  The massive platforms, the faux-winged-wire-thingies, the glitter gems under the eyes...holy snikey, man.  I'm really shocked.  I'm seriously still watching the show, this just ticked me off so badly that I had to post something.  On the other hand, I enjoyed Cindy Lauper and Allison, and Lionel Richie and Danny.  The Santana bit was pretty decent, too.  David Cook's song "Permanent" was awesome, quite a tribute to his late brother and his battle with cancer.  We downloaded it on iTunes, and all of the proceeds will go to a charity dedicated to finding a cure/treatments for brain cancer.  Oh, and on the topic of this being a family show, although I loved Kara's revenge on Bikini Girl, the whole bikini on stage and Kara ripping off her dress...good grief.

Steve Martin playing the banjo on American Idol?  Wow.

Rod Stewart is scary.  Travis just said that he thought he died like twenty years ago.  (just kidding)

I'm feeling a bit crampy right now, which I'm sure is adding to my mood.

KRIS ALLEN WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!   I totally did not see that coming!  Well, I had hoped that he would win, but I figured that Adam was a lock because of all of his theatrical drama, and his awesome voice.  I have to say, though, that I'd rather hear Kris's voice over the radio than Adam's any day.  Congrats, Kris!!

My husband...

I know I don't talk about him that much on here, but I wanted to take a moment to sing his praises.  Yes, he's cranky from time to time, just like anyone.  But all in all, he's the best guy a girl could ever ask for.  He's a wonderful, caring, hard-working, and supportive husband.  With our traditional roles reversed at the moment, I feel that he bears the brunt of the emotional punishment.  He's used to going out and laboring, but now he stays at home with the kids, keeps the house clean, and deals with as much day-to-day stuff as he possibly can to make things easier for me.  He supports me as I work, encourages me when I need it, and is behind me all the way when it comes to going back to school.  He understands my passion for birth and listens when I rant about the state of maternity care in America and rave about midwives, birthing homes, and home births.  He dutifully comes to the computer to look at pictures when I find an old Victorian house in Michigan that I want to turn into my birthing home someday, and agrees that, yes, he can picture a birthing tub in front of that window or this bedroom turned into a birthing room.  He has become quite good at managing the finances so that's one less thing for me to worry about.  He's a great daddy.  I couldn't imagine my life without him.

My legs are so sore.  I was resource nurse again today, and again took on my own partial patient load in addition to my resource responsibilities.  I had a talk with my boss today (she's an FNP) and told her that I want to go back to school.  When I told her my plan, she was all for it.  She said that her goal was to be a family nurse practitioner by the time she was 40, and she did it by the time she was 41.  I suppose I'll be done by the time I'm 35, factoring in a little time off for potential babies in my future.  That's not half bad, I don't think.  I can't imagine myself 35 years old, though.  How odd.  I remember when my mom was 35.  She's such a pretty lady.  And Mom, I didn't just write that because I know you read my blog, either!  Travis always says that if I look anything like you look when I'm 50, he'll be the happiest man in the world!  Anyway, back to school.  I'm really turning in my application on time this time, so I'm hoping to start school the beginning of December.  Surprisingly, my boss was all for me starting school as soon as possible (no talk of how I'm not going to be able to balance life and work with school...in fact, she said that moms are most often the best students, because of the time management factor...), and will even write me a reference.   Yay!  The application says that if we can get a reference from an NP or CNM, that bodes well for us.  Which reminds me, I need to request my transcripts from SPC tomorrow.  I always forget until the end of the day, then it's too late East Coast time to call, and the office is closed.  

So, Shawn Johnson won Dancing with the Stars!!  I was a bit surprised, to be honest...I thought for sure Gilles would clinch it.  I'm so happy for her!

And American Idol has a winner by now, East Coast time.  But I'm just about to make one of my magic smoothies for dinner and watch it.  I wonder who won?

Finales...

I hate to admit it, really I do, but I am a reality T.V. show junkie.  There.  I said it.  Happy now??  *sigh*  Well, some of my favorite shows either have or are coming to an end this week.  Survivor just ended, and I'm really pleased with the result.  J.T. was the most sincere, honest player that they've had for a while on that show.  His attitude and outlook were refreshing...so kudos, J.T.!  Tonight Dancing with the Stars is coming to an end, and American Idol ends tomorrow night.  Amazing Race and America's Next Top Model also just ended.  Thank God for DVR!  The only good part about all of these shows ending is this:  they are making way for my all-time favorite reality show, So You Think You Can Dance!!!  Woohoo!!!  I love that show, because people can't fake and luck their way through it, it's truly based on talent!  

Work has been rough lately.  We hit a period of strangely low census, and then we've been slammed for the last two days.  I was the resource nurse yesterday and today, and for the 12.5 hours that I was there both days, I was probably on my feet for at least 10 of them.  Normally I'll get to sit for a little while and chart, but as resource I bounce around between nurses, starting IV's, helping them catch up, doing admits and discharges, and helping PCA's turn and clean and just overall helping everyone.  Thrown into the mix I have to do audits of IV's, tubings, etc. to make sure they're labeled and not expired, check all patients allergies, make sure they have bracelets on and stickers on their charts reflecting their allergies...the list just goes on and on and on.  For what it's worth, I'm a pretty decent resource.  But it seems like every day I'm resource, the crap hits the fan.  I run like a manic, and almost always end up taking on a patient load of my own.  On the bright side at work, it's Neuroscience Week at our hospital, so we have free meals all week, presentations by vendors, etc.  And I got a cool retractable badge thingy with a brain on it.  Ha.  I love it!  

The house rental seems to be moving along quite well!  The owner agreed to the lower rent if we will retain the gardener, which is an additional small amount each month.  Of course, we agreed because rent is lower with the gardener than without.  So we should hear the final decision and get the lease drawn up by the end of the week.  I can't wait to plant my garden!!!

Alrighty then.  It's Idol time, people.  

My love of strawberries...

I could eat them every day.  Seriously.  With them being in season right now, I'm buying them by the flat, eating them almost every day, preparing and freezing them for smoothies, etc.  I just ate about a pound of fresh strawberries with a sprinkle of turbinado sugar (which I love because it gives a nice crunch!).  It's really hot here in Fresno today, with a high of 105 degrees, so I'm sure I'll be having a smoothie later.  I normally just do an O.J., strawberry, and banana smoothie, but here lately I've gotten hooked on a new ingredient to my old standby:  Odwalla's Vanilla Al'Mondo Super Protein drink.  I freeze it in ice cube trays then use 5 or 6 of them in a smoothie.  I also freeze whatever fruit I'm using (bananas, strawberries) so it's nice and frosty.  Vanilla Al'Mondo is made of organic soymilk, organic oatmilk, bananas, ground almonds, and vanilla extract...so yummy!

Comcast is terrible.  I just thought I'd throw that out there.  They are the most crooked cable company in the entire United States.  And their service bites.  They're dishonest and rude.  And that is all.

Oh, and if you have the time, check out the works of Chrissy Butler.  She's a wonderfully talented artist and author, and a VBAC homebirth momma to boot!  Her blog, "The Wonderful Place" is linked in my sidebar, and you can see her site here.  The first pic on my blog is hers, as is this black-and-white that I love!

Reading and ranting and planning, oh my!

Ladies and gentlemen, this is a must-read.  I would advise any woman who is pregnant or wanting to have children to read this book WAY before they pick up "What to Expect When You're Expecting".  Any mother, any woman, anyone who gives a hoot about how a mother in labor is treated and how her baby makes its entrance into the world should read this.  Any birth advocate, medical professional or birth support person would benefit from reading this book.  It supplies the facts and statistics surrounding birth in America and evidence-based practice.  In my hospital there is a committee devoted to "best practice" (appropriately named the "Best Practice Committee"), based on the current medical evidence.  Why can "best practice" be applied to every other area of patient care except L&D?  I had a patient the other day who is an L&D nurse in the hospital where I work.  I talked with her about trying to get my foot in the door and get some experience while I'm in school for midwifery.  She thinks that I won't have any trouble getting onto the L&D floor, especially if I'm already in school.  I hope she's right!  Apparently I'll have to go to night shift, but that's O.K. with me if that's what I have to do.  I honestly feel that I can make a difference in the time that I'm there.  I want to be able to help those mommas out there.  I realize that there will be many who come in who want every intervention that we have to offer, and I'm going to have to learn to come to terms with that.  But I think it will be worth it, not only to get into that environment and get some experience, but also to help me solidify in my mind which direction I want to go after school.

I went to Bally's today and had my appointment with my personal trainer.  I almost passed out after 45 minutes with her.  Seriously.  I was lightheaded and dry heaving.  Yes, people, I am OUT OF SHAPE!  I already knew that, but I was a bit surprised to see exactly how bad of shape I am in.  My weight has actually been holding steady, but my endurance is in the crapper.  Well, on the bright side, it was a real wake-up call for me, and I'm committing myself to make some major changes for my health.  My trainer said that, if I work my tucchus off, I can meet my fitness goal in approximately 37 weeks.  That's better than I thought!  I figured it would take more than a year.  But seriously, that's about 9 months.  I can do that.  Nine months that will effect the rest of my life...

It's getting hot in Fresno.  It's hit the 100-degree mark already.  Yuck.

Well, it looks like we might have found a house to rent!  It's 1300 s.f., 3/1 with a detached garage, hardwood and tile floors, a chain-link and privacy-fenced backyard with a separately fenced garden area.  It has an orange tree, peach tree, the neighbor's lemon tree that hangs over the back end of the property, a kumquat tree, a walnut tree, and sage, mint, and lemon grass in a planter that's staying.  The garden area looks like it's been roughly tilled already, but needs some tending.  My grandfather got me interested in square-foot gardening, which I plan to use in my little yard, should we end up getting the house.  Also interesting, I found, was a Native American practice called Three Sisters gardening.  I may just do Three Sisters first, as we will be in the end of June once I start plant (again, hinging on whether or not we get the house) and it'll take less time to do that than to make a bunch of 4x4 boxes for my square-foot garden.  I don't know...I'll have to see how it goes.  It has a doggy-door (which Ziggy will LOVE), and appliances including washer and dryer come with it.  It has central heat and air, as well as a fireplace, furnace, and swamp cooler, so we could be a bit more energy efficient in days like these, where it's dry out and not yet stifling.  We have been able to keep the air off and windows open for most days that we've been out here, although central air is practically a must in the 110+ degree summer days  that the Valley experiences.  We are, after all, right next to the Mojave Desert.  Anyhoo, I'm really hoping that we get the house.  The rent is more than reasonable, and the neighborhood is nice.  Not ritzy or anything, just average, middle-class, well cared-for homes and people out mowing or working on their cars or landscaping on the weekends.  I cruised the area, up and down streets 3 ways in either direction, and it's consistently nice.  *fingers crossed*

Mother's Day...

Happy Mother's Day to me!  And to my awesome moms and all mothers out there!  I have a grand total of four moms.  Yep, four.  Closest to my heart are my lovely mother, Mary Sutherland, and my longsuffering step-mother, Nina Greenwood (a.k.a MamaG).  They have both played such huge parts in my life, in making me who I am today.  Also in the mom-roll are Mary Murray, my mother-in-law, and Janet Dempsey, my step-mother-in-law.  I'm grateful for all of these wonderful women who have played their own role in my life.

As for my Mother's Day, it was nice!  I got to sleep in a little bit, then a friend of ours watched the boys so we could do an afternoon movie and early dinner.  When we went to pick them up, Deklan wanted to spend the night.  We explained to him what that means, not just that he gets to stay till the movie is over, but he was going to sleep over there and not see us till the morning.  He was a bit tearful and said that he would miss us, but he really wanted to stay.  So, Deklan is officially on his first sleep-over!  I'm so sad...I miss him more than I thought I would.  I know that probably sounds terrible, but it's true!  I miss the little things, like checking in on him while he sleeps, and bundling him up in the morning to drive me to work, gathering up Poochie and Milo (his favorite stuffed animals) and his trains, and hearing his little voice from the backseat in the morning saying "There's the train!" (we drive by a train station every morning), to which I always reply "There it is!"  *sigh*  My mommy heart is broken.  I thought for sure we'd get a phone call this evening saying that he wanted to come home, but we didn't.  He's fine.  I've called and he's doing great.  I miss my baby!!!  All in all, though, I had a really great day.

For my Mother's Day gift, Travis is helping me add to my library.  He got me two books, Your Best Birth by Ricki Lake and Abby Epstein, and Pushed by Jennifer Block.  I read a little bit of each tonight and got all fired up...poor Travis!  He always gets an earful!  Books like that get me to thinking...should I pursue a career in homebirth/birthing home midwifery, or should I also practice in a hospital?  I never thought that I'd want to work in a hospital.  But statistics are overwhelming.  Blogs like "Nursing Birth" also inspire me to try to help the women who want or have to go to the hospital to have their baby, and do it naturally.  They shouldn't have to fight to get what they want.  I suppose things will unfold the way that they are meant to be.

So, here I sit.  A mother to two precious little boys.  I could not ask for bigger blessings in my life.  I have a husband who loves us all and is a wonderful father to our children.  I have Deklan, my wild, silly, sensitive firstborn who awes me every day by his growing personality.  And I have Gavin, my stubborn, sweet, and affectionate baby who awes me every day by his tenacity and love for everyone around him.  By the way, he cut another front tooth today!  The Lord has truly blessed me beyond what I ever deserved.  He lent these boys to me for a time, and I hope and pray that I can do right by them.  Deklan's newest spurt of independence made us think today...one of these days he'll be in school, falling for girls, driving, dating, getting married...I can't imagine my baby driving a car!  Already almost 5 years has gone by since my first child was born.  I want nothing more than to be a good mother to them, to set a good example so that when they do get to that age, they won't depart from the way they should go.