Ummm...oops...

That negative pregnancy test that I posted about last...yeah, well, it was positive.  I just didn't wait long enough for it to develop.  I learned this the night after I took it and was still concerned about what was going on with me.  After much hemming and hawing, I decided to pick up my last, expensive test (the ClearBlue one that displays the words and not just lines) and test again.  This was really difficult for me, as I was saving that test for when we were trying to conceive, for when I thought that we had succeeded in conceiving.  Well, as I was sitting there waiting for the results, I kept thinking to myself "This is so stupid!  I just wasted a $6 test on a negative!  I KNOW I'm not pregnant...I took a test last night!"  Then I looked down and, lo and behold, "Pregnant", as clear as day.  I just stared at it.  I tucked it in my pocket, wondering if I should tell Travis now or not.  We were, after all, trying NOT to get pregnant, and I didn't think he'd be very happy.  I did a little trash-digging and found the test from the previous night...it had turned positive!  I had an appointment with my personal trainer today, so I knew that I wanted to tell Travis before the appointment.  I just wasn't O.K. with my trainer being the first person to know.  So, I ended up just putting the test with the words on the end table beside the remote control.  He hadn't seen it after a half an hour, so I took it back and tried to think of a way to throw it in the conversation.  He was talking about his brother and how he wanted to call him and see how he and his expecting-very-soon wife were doing, but wanted another reason to call.  He said was saying that he'd already texted him about the Lakers game, and that he wished he had something else to talk about.  I handed him the test and said "Why don't you talk to him about that?"  He just stared at it, then stared into his coffee cup for a really long time.  After a while, he got a hint of a smile on his face.  "Are you serious?"  "Do I look like I'm kidding?!"  So, we've gotten used to the idea now.  It's been several days since I found out, and I don't imagine we'll be telling a lot of people right off the bat.  Trav's best friend knows, my best friend knows, my mom and step-mom and sister know, and my trainer knows.  That's all right now, though.  I suppose we'll just wait till August to tell Trav's side of the family, as I'm pretty sure I'll be showing by then.  I was noticeably showing by 10 weeks with Gavin, and I'll be a bit over 13 weeks by the time the wedding rolls around.  That'll be a surprise, for sure!  I'm not sure how all of this is going to effect me starting school in December.  I'm thinking that I'm going to have to wait, as my due date around Feb. 1st.  We'll see.  So, I guess my icky feelings and obsession with having another baby was happening for a reason...I was pregnant!

Hmmm...

I feel icky tonight.  I had a rough day at work, and now I'm home and just BLAH.  I'm flushed, slightly nauseated, feel hot all over (but no fever), and I'm exhausted.  I'm also on day 36 of my cycle with no end in sight, which I guess is O.K., considering that my cycles have been getting longer...34-35 days average.  What the heck is up with THAT?!  It kinda has me worried, that there's some weird hormonal thing going on with me that might be bad...or it could just be that Gavin's nursing a bit more than usual because he's teething again...or it could be stress-related...who knows?  I hope I'm not broken!!  I know not too many people read my blog, but for any other chicas out there...have you ever been through this?  Oh, and I took a pregnancy test yesterday just for kicks and it was a big negatory.

I'm procrastinating...

Yeah...I have a lot to do today, but I just don't feel inspired yet.  I've had a productive day, but I still have a long list.  It looks like the house rental should come through fine.  We're turning in all of the paperwork and submitting our deposit on Tuesday, then we'll move in June 15th.  Well, we won't move in, really, but we'll take the keys.  Our lease here is up at the end of June, and we want to have a little overlap time to be able to clean the new house, move in, then clean the apartment.  I want to paint a couple of rooms, and it's been O.K.'d by the owners...I don't want to paint the whole thing, especially since I'll be doing it all on my own.  Probably just the living/dining room and bedrooms.  Everything is white right now, and with the lovely brick fireplace in the living room, it feels a shame to leave it all stark white.  I'm thinking that a green of some sort would be nice, and compliment the red brick nicely.  Anyhoo, I plan on painting for a couple of days, then scouring the place from top to bottom before we move in.  It'll be so much easier with no stuff in it yet.  Travis already has plans to build my 4x4 square-foot gardening boxes, and a sandbox for the boys.  The garage has a huge workbench/tool area that he's just dying to take advantage of.  These pics don't really do the place justice, but they are the only shots that I have...the realtor sent them to me.

I really have to finish crocheting the baby blanket for Leslie.  I'm also going to make a few monogrammed burp cloths for her, using thismamamakesstuff's guidelines.  If you haven't checked out her blog in my sidebar, you should.  She's one crafty mama!  Leslie's main color is purple, so I'm dyeing them lavender/purple and have a really cute fat quarter in mind for the monogrammed "N" for her daughters name "Nicki" (I think that's how she's going to spell it...it's a good thing it's just the first letter on the burp cloths!!!  :D).  The blanket is almost done, I only have about 6 inches left on it, then the border.  I'm just doing a single-crochet pattern, since the yarn is a boucle, then I'm going to borrow the border of the "Tiramisu Baby Blanket" pattern that I've used a few times, thank you Ravelry!

This morning I made the boys pancakes and a smoothie and turkey sausage, and Travis and I had eggs and turkey sausage, along with our coffee and a smoothie for me.  Trav doesn't like smoothies...weirdo.  I can't imagine why!  I've got the sheets in the dryer and a dark load in the washer, then I've got to wash the burp cloths a few times so they pick up the dye well.  I'd like to knock those out today, if at all possible.  I cleaned the kitchen and living room and our room, vacuumed, and spot-cleaned the bathrooms.  I still need to grocery shop and maybe pick up some paint chips from the store to get an idea of what I want in the house.  Trav has gotten hooked on my caesar salads, which have a custom-made dressing heavy in garlic and anchovies.  I didn't think he'd like the punch of the garlic and anchovy, but he really surprised me.  I like to chop up some boiled chicken and throw it in for a little protein, or shrimp if we have it.  

I haven't talked about birth much these last few posts.  I have to admit that I'm a bit preoccupied with the possibility of getting pregnant again soon.  Yes, baby fever.  I know I have weight to lose before we try again, but it won't be too long before fall arrives and we start thinking about trying again.  I think about it a lot.  In the meantime, I've enjoyed some of the blogs that I follow, reading birth stories and articles.  

Game 4 of the Red Wings vs. Blackhawks is going on right now.  I swear, one of the refs is getting paid to make calls in favor of the Blackhawks.  There have been some really bogus calls, especially in the last couple of games.  Well, go Wings...I know you can do it in spite of unfair referees!

I'm hoping that Trav will upload some pics onto the Mac for me, so I can add some pics that I've been wanting to add for quite some time.

American WHAAAA?!?

K.I.S.S. on American Idol?!?!  I thought this was a family show!  And what the *bleep* was Adam wearing anyway?!?  The massive platforms, the faux-winged-wire-thingies, the glitter gems under the eyes...holy snikey, man.  I'm really shocked.  I'm seriously still watching the show, this just ticked me off so badly that I had to post something.  On the other hand, I enjoyed Cindy Lauper and Allison, and Lionel Richie and Danny.  The Santana bit was pretty decent, too.  David Cook's song "Permanent" was awesome, quite a tribute to his late brother and his battle with cancer.  We downloaded it on iTunes, and all of the proceeds will go to a charity dedicated to finding a cure/treatments for brain cancer.  Oh, and on the topic of this being a family show, although I loved Kara's revenge on Bikini Girl, the whole bikini on stage and Kara ripping off her dress...good grief.

Steve Martin playing the banjo on American Idol?  Wow.

Rod Stewart is scary.  Travis just said that he thought he died like twenty years ago.  (just kidding)

I'm feeling a bit crampy right now, which I'm sure is adding to my mood.

KRIS ALLEN WON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!   I totally did not see that coming!  Well, I had hoped that he would win, but I figured that Adam was a lock because of all of his theatrical drama, and his awesome voice.  I have to say, though, that I'd rather hear Kris's voice over the radio than Adam's any day.  Congrats, Kris!!

My husband...

I know I don't talk about him that much on here, but I wanted to take a moment to sing his praises.  Yes, he's cranky from time to time, just like anyone.  But all in all, he's the best guy a girl could ever ask for.  He's a wonderful, caring, hard-working, and supportive husband.  With our traditional roles reversed at the moment, I feel that he bears the brunt of the emotional punishment.  He's used to going out and laboring, but now he stays at home with the kids, keeps the house clean, and deals with as much day-to-day stuff as he possibly can to make things easier for me.  He supports me as I work, encourages me when I need it, and is behind me all the way when it comes to going back to school.  He understands my passion for birth and listens when I rant about the state of maternity care in America and rave about midwives, birthing homes, and home births.  He dutifully comes to the computer to look at pictures when I find an old Victorian house in Michigan that I want to turn into my birthing home someday, and agrees that, yes, he can picture a birthing tub in front of that window or this bedroom turned into a birthing room.  He has become quite good at managing the finances so that's one less thing for me to worry about.  He's a great daddy.  I couldn't imagine my life without him.

My legs are so sore.  I was resource nurse again today, and again took on my own partial patient load in addition to my resource responsibilities.  I had a talk with my boss today (she's an FNP) and told her that I want to go back to school.  When I told her my plan, she was all for it.  She said that her goal was to be a family nurse practitioner by the time she was 40, and she did it by the time she was 41.  I suppose I'll be done by the time I'm 35, factoring in a little time off for potential babies in my future.  That's not half bad, I don't think.  I can't imagine myself 35 years old, though.  How odd.  I remember when my mom was 35.  She's such a pretty lady.  And Mom, I didn't just write that because I know you read my blog, either!  Travis always says that if I look anything like you look when I'm 50, he'll be the happiest man in the world!  Anyway, back to school.  I'm really turning in my application on time this time, so I'm hoping to start school the beginning of December.  Surprisingly, my boss was all for me starting school as soon as possible (no talk of how I'm not going to be able to balance life and work with school...in fact, she said that moms are most often the best students, because of the time management factor...), and will even write me a reference.   Yay!  The application says that if we can get a reference from an NP or CNM, that bodes well for us.  Which reminds me, I need to request my transcripts from SPC tomorrow.  I always forget until the end of the day, then it's too late East Coast time to call, and the office is closed.  

So, Shawn Johnson won Dancing with the Stars!!  I was a bit surprised, to be honest...I thought for sure Gilles would clinch it.  I'm so happy for her!

And American Idol has a winner by now, East Coast time.  But I'm just about to make one of my magic smoothies for dinner and watch it.  I wonder who won?

Finales...

I hate to admit it, really I do, but I am a reality T.V. show junkie.  There.  I said it.  Happy now??  *sigh*  Well, some of my favorite shows either have or are coming to an end this week.  Survivor just ended, and I'm really pleased with the result.  J.T. was the most sincere, honest player that they've had for a while on that show.  His attitude and outlook were refreshing...so kudos, J.T.!  Tonight Dancing with the Stars is coming to an end, and American Idol ends tomorrow night.  Amazing Race and America's Next Top Model also just ended.  Thank God for DVR!  The only good part about all of these shows ending is this:  they are making way for my all-time favorite reality show, So You Think You Can Dance!!!  Woohoo!!!  I love that show, because people can't fake and luck their way through it, it's truly based on talent!  

Work has been rough lately.  We hit a period of strangely low census, and then we've been slammed for the last two days.  I was the resource nurse yesterday and today, and for the 12.5 hours that I was there both days, I was probably on my feet for at least 10 of them.  Normally I'll get to sit for a little while and chart, but as resource I bounce around between nurses, starting IV's, helping them catch up, doing admits and discharges, and helping PCA's turn and clean and just overall helping everyone.  Thrown into the mix I have to do audits of IV's, tubings, etc. to make sure they're labeled and not expired, check all patients allergies, make sure they have bracelets on and stickers on their charts reflecting their allergies...the list just goes on and on and on.  For what it's worth, I'm a pretty decent resource.  But it seems like every day I'm resource, the crap hits the fan.  I run like a manic, and almost always end up taking on a patient load of my own.  On the bright side at work, it's Neuroscience Week at our hospital, so we have free meals all week, presentations by vendors, etc.  And I got a cool retractable badge thingy with a brain on it.  Ha.  I love it!  

The house rental seems to be moving along quite well!  The owner agreed to the lower rent if we will retain the gardener, which is an additional small amount each month.  Of course, we agreed because rent is lower with the gardener than without.  So we should hear the final decision and get the lease drawn up by the end of the week.  I can't wait to plant my garden!!!

Alrighty then.  It's Idol time, people.  

My love of strawberries...

I could eat them every day.  Seriously.  With them being in season right now, I'm buying them by the flat, eating them almost every day, preparing and freezing them for smoothies, etc.  I just ate about a pound of fresh strawberries with a sprinkle of turbinado sugar (which I love because it gives a nice crunch!).  It's really hot here in Fresno today, with a high of 105 degrees, so I'm sure I'll be having a smoothie later.  I normally just do an O.J., strawberry, and banana smoothie, but here lately I've gotten hooked on a new ingredient to my old standby:  Odwalla's Vanilla Al'Mondo Super Protein drink.  I freeze it in ice cube trays then use 5 or 6 of them in a smoothie.  I also freeze whatever fruit I'm using (bananas, strawberries) so it's nice and frosty.  Vanilla Al'Mondo is made of organic soymilk, organic oatmilk, bananas, ground almonds, and vanilla extract...so yummy!

Comcast is terrible.  I just thought I'd throw that out there.  They are the most crooked cable company in the entire United States.  And their service bites.  They're dishonest and rude.  And that is all.

Oh, and if you have the time, check out the works of Chrissy Butler.  She's a wonderfully talented artist and author, and a VBAC homebirth momma to boot!  Her blog, "The Wonderful Place" is linked in my sidebar, and you can see her site here.  The first pic on my blog is hers, as is this black-and-white that I love!