Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Ponderings...

Well, I'm going to be 27 in a few days. That amazes me! I don't think that I'm "old" or anything, I'm just amazed at how time passes us by. It's little things...like hearing an old school Green Day song and then realizing I liked them in middle school when I was 12-13 years old. That was 15 years ago! Holy crap! Has 15 years really passed? It makes me suddenly feel like I'm in a time warp or something. I've been married for over 6 years, I have two children. I've changed so much over the years. Oh, I'm still the same me, I just view things differently. I remember thinking about my future before I married Trav, thinking about how life as I envisioned it would be. How different it has been than I imagined it! It's been wonderful, mind you, just different than I thought it would be. I thought that we'd end up in New York, doing street and teen work for the local church. Or perhaps we'd stay in the Florida panhandle and start a girl's home there. I thought I wouldn't be working, just being a stay-at-home mom to my children. I thought that I'd have more than two children after 6.5 years of marriage! Instead, we've been burned repeatedly by "the brethren", although we still hope to be in the ministry in some capacity. We've lived in 4 different areas of the country. We had two precious little boys. My views regarding nursing, the medical field in general, and working have changed. I want to keep my home, but I also want to work. I want to go back to school. I want to be a midwife and an herbalist. I've learned a few things about breaking out of the mold and being who I really am. I've learned about balance. Twenty-seven years. I'll be thirty soon. My husband will be thirty-two the day after my birthday. Thirties?? When did that happen? I love my life. I love the direction it has taken. I wouldn't change a single thing. Even the "bad" things that have happened in my life have been blessings in disguise, shaping my way though life, guiding me in different directions, meeting new people, going new places. I am thankful for them.

So, where do I see myself in the future? Well, I see us owning a home up north somewhere...hopefully Michigan. I see me becoming what I so desire...a midwife. I think I'll be doing homebirths only initially...maybe open my own birthing home after a while. I see myself having land, animals, and a garden...to be as self-sufficient as possible. I hope for more children. I'd love to be able to serve in the ministry in some way...beside my husband with him being a pastor or youth minister, perhaps. My future is wide open, and anything is possible!