Thursday, February 5, 2009

A time to wait...

So, after looking at the application for Frontier, I realized a few things. First off, I'm just going to have to apply for the CNM program first, then do the FNP later if I have the money. I just don't know if I can commit to doing both programs at once, not knowing how I'm going to finance it. Since midwifery is the direction in which I am DEFINITELY going and FNP is just a "perk" to make my awesome-continuity-of-care dream true, I'm going to go for midwifery first. Also, I realized there's no way I'm going to have all of my paperwork/references/transcripts together in time to have the whole lot sent out and arrived by February 14th (the deadline for starting school in the summer), so I'm just going to have to send it in as soon as I can and meet the deadline to start in the fall. That's good, in a way. We'll have a chance to figure out what in the world we're doing, find out if we're going to go staff here or not, etc. Kinda' bums me out a little bit, but it's also a relief in a way, to know that I have a little bit of time to formulate my answers to some of the questions on the application carefully, make sure that everything is together and professional-looking, etc.

I'm at a weird spot in my life. Since Gavin was born, we've had a couple of pregnancy "scares" that turned out to be nothing. We had one such episode a week or so ago. But now, instead of feeling glad that I'm not pregnant and being relieved, I find that I'm sad. I wish I were pregnant. I miss it. I would love to have another baby. I would love to have a blooming belly again. Baby fever? I don't really think so. But these emotions make me wonder if it's not time that we start thinking again about having another baby. I look at our life and think "My gosh, what terrible timing it would be if I get pregnant now!" But at the same time, neither of our sons were conceived at a "good" time. I thought I would want to wait another year or so before thinking about having another. But here I am, with such a desire. Strange. Maybe if we go staff here in Fresno and are in a solid place for a while, we'll talk about it.

Well, I just had a chance to sit over coffee and talk about this with Trav. We're both hoping that a long-term contract works out so we can stay in Fresno for a while longer. Well, Trav said that if, in 6 months we either go staff or have a long-term contract set up so we have some stability, he'd be all for trying again in July! I hope this actually happens!

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