Thursday, June 25, 2009

The time will come...

I have to say that I have baby fever again, pretty bad at that.  And so does Travis.  Having little Tadpole with us for just a few short weeks reminded us both how awesome the miracle of conception and the development of a little person is.  And now we miss it.  We miss the baby, the anticipation, the feelings of being pregnant.  So we're looking to the time when we will try again to conceive.  Except we're not going to try.  We decided on the "baby roulette" approach.  We're not going to try during certain time frames or doing things a certain way to try to get a girl.  We're just going to pray for a healthy baby (a healthy baby GIRL if God wills it!) and follow our hearts and let the chips fall where they may.  I'm glad that we agreed on this.  Before Tadpole, we were going to try to do some things to tip our odds of getting a girl, and try at a certain time to have the baby in a certain time frame, etc.  But now we have been taken back to square one, of just wanting a healthy, living baby, no matter what the gender or when it is born.  Oh, I'll be keeping track of my cycles and all, as I do anyway.  I like to know what my body is doing and what's normal for me.  But that's it.  So I guess we'll be "trying" more than we ever have in the past, since all three of my pregnancies have been "oops" pregnancies.  But taking a passive approach just feels right now.  So, we're going to wait a little while for my body to normalize, then just put it in God's hands and enjoy our relationship, without worrying about timing.  Hurray for that.

It has been good to be back to work.  I went back on Monday, and worked three days straight.  On Monday I was still having lots of bleeding and lots of clots, then (thanks in part to Gavin still nursing and me drinking lots of toning herbal teas) Monday afternoon I had a bunch of cramping and passed the final piece of Tadpole's short-lived home...the bleeding almost stopped altogether after that.  I felt much relieved, as I was starting to get concerned about potentially having to go back to the ER, this time for a D&C.  I'm thankful that it didn't come to that.  I've had to tell several people that I miscarried, and everyone has been really supportive.  Almost every single woman that I've told has given me a hug and said "Oh, honey, I'm so sorry...I know how you feel!  I had a miscarriage at about the same time..."  It's so common.  I don't think I understood exactly HOW common it was until I went through it myself.  I have to say that it makes it a lot easier to have supportive women around me who have been through it themselves.  It makes me feel better to hear their stories and know that I'm not alone.

Trav moved the first boxes over to the new house today!  It will be a slow process of moving in, but I can't wait until we're officially IN!  We have been going over there and cleaning and preparing for the move.  We bring Ziggy and the boys over with us and let them run around in the yard and play in the sprinklers...all three of them LOVE it!  They also love running around the house like a bunch of hooligans, bouncing on their bouncy balls and shrieking as they chase each other...and they don't have to worry about the noise disturbing the downstairs neighbor!  Deklan asks every day if we are going to go to the new house.  I found some free plans for a compost bin that Trav is going to build for me, so I don't have to buy more compost than the amount that I'll have to buy to start my garden.  The soil we have is pretty crappy, so I know I'm going to have to buy some to prep the soil.  We have a really good organic compost/seed place here in Fresno that I already have my eye on.  I think it will be good for my soul to get my hands back into the I have missed gardening!

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